Beautiful, Troubled Path – A Poem by Stacy M

Stacy M. wrote this poem one year after her first postpartum depression (PPD) meltdown/hospitalization. 

She wrote it as a reflection of the obstacles she hadn’t expected becoming a mom would entail, including a devastating pregnancy loss. 

Despite the deeply wounding obstacles she came across, she never gave up. 

She felt so broken during her  hospitalization, after which she was able to realize that she could heal and move on and still be a great mom.

She wanted to share this poem with other moms who are on a beautiful, troubled path now or have also traveled a similar path.

Just like her, you may not have expected that becoming a mother–a traditionally happy, joyous occasion–could have any pain or darkness associated with it.

Just like her, you will find that the pain and darkness will pass and  beauty will prevail in the end.  Yes, beauty is at the end of the path.

And the difficult experiences are what make you a stronger individual.

Thank you, Stacy, for sharing your touching poem.

 

Path

Photo: Ivy Shih Leung

Beautiful, Troubled Path

have you seen how dark it can get in a grieving mind
have you tried on the shoes that I have walked in oh so many times

have you felt the heavy rain turn to hail upon your shoulders
or have you tried living life moving constant boulders

obstacle after obstacle
how many leaps of faith can one take

wound after wound
how much more heartache

the path to having a family of my own
has set off tears that will never dry

skinned knees from being on the ground
begging the universe please

strength and patience is the hardest to hold onto
when waiting to find inner peace

balancing my mind day in and day out
balancing the pain with a breathe of fresh air
is the only way to heal
to feel

the beauty underneath this troubled path
of becoming a good parent and a better person

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

By:  Stacy M.

Why I Blog and What Social Media Means for Me

I am a part of the way through something I am working on this summer that is causing me to have no time to follow the over 500 Facebook pages whose news appears on my feed on a daily basis that takes, easily, up to 4 hours a day to read through.  Reading everything in my Facebook feed requires me to be on Facebook on my commute to and from work (about 1 hour each way), plus 2 or so hours after I put my daughter to bed each night.  I’m fairly certain that all my Facebook friends–at least those that have NOT hidden me from their feeds–are relieved at not having to see every single time I Like a post with a Global setting (thank you, Mark Zuckerberg, for this ridiculousness).  Ha!

A couple of friends recently asked me if I plan to cut back from Facebook on a permanent basis, like I did with Twitter a couple years ago because that became too time consuming (and I was getting tired of the cliquey snark and popularity contests that left a bad taste in my mouth….and I don’t have time for that sh*t), and as a full-time employee with a long commute to/from work each day, I found it impossible to keep up with it.  At this point, I do not know.  I will have to see how it goes.  I must say, though, that it is so freeing not to have to feel like I MUST get through everything in my news feed every single day!  More time to do what I have to do.  Less stress.

A couple of friends also asked me if I planned to keep up blogging, to which I indicated that I will always keep up my blogging and advocacy for maternal mental health and anti-bullying.  They indicated it seems I have reached the end of my journey of documenting and processing my emotions and experiences that occurred before, during and after I had my daughter. But I told them that I will always need an outlet and I will always be passionate and outspoken about these two topics.  And after all, the origin of the word “blog” came from web log:  an online journal or diary, a means to get one’s thoughts and feelings out and at the same time sharing with individuals who can appreciate your posts.

I may not have amassed that large of a following, but what I do know is that I am reaching people on a daily basis who find me via certain key words.  I am content knowing that I continue reaching and helping others feel less alone with their experiences and I continue to spread awareness so fewer new moms will go through what I went through…..the original intent of this blog.

I am not using social media for popularity purposes.  In fact, on Facebook I choose to keep a very small circle of Facebook “friends.”  I limit this small circle to those I know IRL (in real life) or with whom I have corresponded regularly online for a certain length of time and with whom I feel very like-minded.  And if I know the person IRL, I have to have a positive relationship with that person (this is pretty logical, no?).

I’m not blogging strictly to see how many Likes or Shares I can get or friends I can make.  If that were the sole purpose, I would’ve stopped a long time ago.  Despite the fact that I have been blogging for over 5 years and people still haven’t heard of my blog–even in the field of maternal mental health–and certain individuals who used to support my blog but don’t any longer, I am going to keep on doing what I’m doing.

I’ve said this in previous posts that my blogging style (as straightforward, down to earth, genuine, no BS, and “what you see is what you get” as you’ll ever come across….which reflects the kind of person I am IRL) isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay.  Everyone is different. I am staying true to myself.

I care about new moms who feel as lost as I did when I first had my baby.

I care about teens who get bullied.

That is all.

Thank You, New York Times, for Your Recent Coverage on Maternal Mental Health

These past couple of weeks have been a blur of work and plans for celebrating a couple of milestones in my life.

A little behind, as I usually don’t blog about such meaningful news relating to maternal mental health a couple weeks after they occur, here I am today, taking a quick break from what I am working on right now to applaud the two-part New York Times focus on maternal mental health, the first of which was titled “Thinking of Ways to Harm Her: New Findings on Timing and Range of Maternal Mental Illness” and appeared on June 15, 2014 on the front page and the second part titled “After Baby, an Unraveling:A Case Study in Maternal Mental Illness” appeared the very next day.

Kudos to Pam Belluck, the reporter who wrote the articles and ensured they received such prime spots in such a major newspaper.   Ms. Belluck interviewed three mothers for the first article, and the second article featured the story of Cindy Wachtenheim, who after battling postpartum psychosis, ended her life on March 13, 2013.  Both articles mention Postpartum Support International (PSI), the organization I joined back in 2006 in my search for answers and information as I endeavored to write a book about my own experience with postpartum depression (PPD), which began in January 2005 and ended a few months prior to the first PSI conference I attended in June 2006.

A week ago, on June 23, 2014, an article appeared on HuffPost Parents titled “What the New York Times Got Right and Wrong About Maternal Mental Health” in response to the NY Times articles.  Very good points made by  Christiane Manzella, PhD, FT, supervision director and senior psychologist at the Seleni Institute including how, even though this two-part series in the NY Times was a step in the right direction, it was still a missed opportunity to educate the public on the common misconceptions of postpartum mood disorders.  For example, many cases of postpartum mood disorders actually begin during pregnancy (i.e., antenatal or antepartum depression) or up to a year after and is not strictly limited to the first weeks postpartum.  Also, the spectrum of postpartum mood disorders covers not only PPD, but postpartum psychosis as well, which is still not being diagnosed/treated correctly in all too many cases today…and unfortunately the disastrous outcome hits the news, like in the case of Cindy Wachtenheim.

I also wanted to highlight the June 21, 2014 Letters to the Editor submitted in reaction to the two-part series on maternal mental health.  Note the first letter written by Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW, founder of The Postpartum Stress Center.

Thank you, Pam Belluck and the NY Times for making these articles happen and putting them in the spotlight to bring more awareness about perinatal mood disorders to the public.  For too long perinatal mood disorders have been lingering in the shadows, remaining a topic that has evaded the understanding by medical/mental health practitioners and the public alike.

Every mother deserves to understand what perinatal mood disorders are, as well as how to know when to get help and who to go to for help without fear.  Fear of stigma.  Fear of any potential repercussions. People need to put aside these fears because things can get very bad very quickly if a mother does not seek help in a timely fashion, or gets the wrong diagnosis and/or treatment.

Every mother deserves to receive the right treatment and not be afraid to seek it.  As in my case and in all too many other mothers’ cases, time is of the essence in getting the correct treatment.  If I had gone much longer with my insomnia and panic attacks without the right combination of medications to treat them, I am not certain what would have happened.  I was in a very bad place for a few weeks, and I am ever so grateful for only losing a few weeks of precious time with my baby.  The outcome could have been so much worse.

Why Do People Feel Compelled to Bully and Cyberbully, Anyway?

TO THE BULLIES / CYBERBULLIES OUT THERE (and if you’re not completely convinced or aware that you are, in fact, a bully or cyberbully, read on):

Does bullying make you feel better about you, as a person?

Does cyberbullying make you feel more powerful, knowing you have X number of followers/friends (or shall I say groupies) that will jump at your beck and call and support you without question?  Even if what you are doing is tearing someone else down?

Picture a bully facing off with their target, in a hallway, in school.  This bully takes a swing.   The fist impacts the other person’s face.  The group surrounding the two grows, and witnesses start chanting “Go, go, go!”  The bully beats furiously on that person until his fist is all bloodied and bruised, and his anger has dissipated since he’s taken all his anger (from whatever was on their mind – may or may not have been related to the person they beat up) out on the poor individual he so furiously beat up.

It’s a shame people have such problems processing their emotions and getting a grip before unleashing their fists (or words, for that matter).   Or perhaps it’s an attempt to show that they are more dominant/popular?  Either way, it is a clear sign of a lack of impulse control, emotional intelligence, maturity in coping with whatever issue is going on…which is why you hear about all too many cases occurring in middle school and high school.

When I think cyberbullying, I instantly think of the teens online that are being taunted and hated online.  TEENS.  But it also happens among grown-ups.  Grown-ups TEND to have more of a better grasp on communication skills, they TEND to be more mature than children/teens, and as people grow older, their emotional intelligence TENDS to increase (but not everyone achieves emotional intelligence, without first resolving any of their own emotional/psychological issues first).  But yes, cyberbullying does occur among adults.  I haven’t really seen much of it myself…..and had the misfortune of witnessing it today.

cyberbullying

Why does the bully do what he does?  What makes a person want to beat down another person so bad that they aren’t happy until they see him all bruised and bloodied….or in cyberspace, completely alienated, humiliated with everyone turned against him?  Could the bullying have been triggered by something that occurred at home?   Not coming from a nurturing environment growing up?  Low self esteem reaching a boiling point he couldn’t stand it anymore and had to try to make someone else feel worse than him? Or on the other side of spectrum, a grandiose sense of being better/far more important than the other person and therefore having the right to do and say anything he feels like, even going so far as belittling, mocking, stepping all over that person (literally or figuratively), just because he feels he is more entitled, superior to the other person, and popular?

Could he not have taken out whatever it was that was bothering him so by writing in, say, a journal…or even a blog?  A much more peaceful and cathartic approach, don’t you think?  Well, one would think, but evidently, words can be just as detrimental and damaging as a fist.  A fist brings physical damage.  Words can bring emotional and reputational damage.  If a person goes on a warpath on someone else in cyberspace, with or without that person’s presence, well, that’s CYBERBULLYING.  They think they have a right– on their own Facebook page, blog, Twitter, or whatever the social media preference du jour happens to be–to unleash their fury with the purpose of taking someone else down.  They have an audience who is chanting in their favor, supporting them with comment after comment, that they are absolutely in the right, no questions asked.

But wait a minute.  If you witness a cyberbully on the rampage, before providing unquestioned and loyal support, do you have evidence that the person that is being cyberbullied is in the wrong, before publicly participating in cursing him out and saying hurtful things that are personal, even though he did nothing to you personally…and chances are, you don’t even know him?   Think first before acting.  Don’t behave like a flock of birds and take off from (or mimic) the slightest movement of one bird in the flock.  Think about this:  What exactly did he do that was so bad that it justified being trashed and his name get dragged through the mud?   Yes, you may be very fond of the person that’s on the rampage, but you have a mind of your own, don’t you?  How would you like to be on the end of this online trashing?

Putting out there in cyberspace words that are hurtful and spiteful, and not even necessarily true, with the purpose of shaming, alienating and damaging a person’s reputation, is completely the wrong way of coping and dealing with shit.  Cyberbullying is NEVER GOOD.

And for those who feel attacking someone they have been friendly with form some time, but then all of a sudden, something happens that they don’t appreciate and voila, they leap in motion online…and before you know it, words are said in cyberspace that can’t ever be completely wiped out….because, wouldn’t you know it?  You can take screenshots of those words.  Thank you, technology.

What I would love to know the answer to is what exactly makes a person so spiteful that a past, positive relationship/friendship means nothing to you?  When you are passionate about something but this other person doesn’t do exactly what you do to share your passion about something, but he does it in his own way?   Or you are miffed about something he did or said, or didn’t say or do.  One thing said or done by a person doesn’t warrant your humiliating him– on your Facebook page, Twitter feed, or whatever the social media do jour happens to be–via cursing and a string of nasty opinions for all your friends/followers to see and scoff at.  You are essentially assisting your friends in formulating opinions about this person without your friends ever having to meet that person IN REAL LIFE.  How right is this?  WELL, IT ISN’T RIGHT.  NOT AT ALL.  If you can’t talk things through and come to an agreement, fine, then go your separate ways.  But don’t turn on him and publicly humiliate him via cursing and spiteful words.

If you are a bully/cyberbully and can’t see that what you’re doing is wrong, then you have a long way to go in growing up and achieving the emotional intelligence you are so lacking at this point in time.

STOP BULLYING.  STOP CYBERBULLYING.

Taking down another person with willful intent to make them suffer emotionally and/or physically is DEAD. WRONG.

If you are a witness to bullying or cyberbullying, then step away.  There is no need for you to join the fray, especially if you don’t know the complete circumstances.

I have ZERO TOLERANCE for this shit.  <Note: I don’t normally cuss, but in this case, I am pissed>

#liftoneanotherup #donttakeeachotherdown #bullyingofanykindisbad #adultswhodoitneedtogrowup

Out from the Shadows – Article in Women Magazine

Taking a moment to post a quick blurb about the article “Out from the Shadows” in the June 2014 edition of Women Magazine.  Thank you, Diana Price, for including my story in this wonderfully informative article on perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD).

The articles touches on key points to try to increase awareness of PMADs, including:

  1. What does a PMAD encompass and what are some of the causes/risk factors.
  2. The importance of screening new moms.
  3. What should be done to prevent and treat PMADs.
  4. Tips for family members and friends of new moms experiencing a PMAD.
  5. Resources, including the blog Postpartum Progress and the international organization Postpartum Support International (of which I’ve been a member since 2006).  PSI is currently hosting its annual conference at the University of North Carolina Center for Women’s Mood Disorders, Chapel Hill, NC.  Certificate training took place on June 18-19 and the main conference begins tomorrow, June 20 and ends the evening of June 21st.  Click here for more details.  On Twitter, look for the #PSIconf2014 hashtag.

Please take a few minutes to read this article and share it with others via Facebook and Twitter.  The more we educate, the less ignorance and stigma on maternal mental health issues!

Thank you!

Thoughts of Suicide and the Taboo of Discussing It

I think the title of my post speaks for itself, but just in case, I will add a trigger warning…

*** This post may be triggering if you are are emotionally vulnerable right now***

Below is an excerpt from a recent Facebook post over at the Angel Rehtaeh Facebook page I’ve been following since Rehtaeh Parsons of Novia Scotia died by suicide on April 7, 2013.  The cause of her attempted suicide has been blamed on the online distribution of photos of an alleged gang rape committed by four boys in November 2011, and subsequent persistent cyberbullying and bullying that took place that drove her to try to end her life.

As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I am just as concerned about girls’ mental health as I am about maternal mental health because there is risk of postpartum mood disorders occurring when there is a history of depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental health issue.  And as many of my blog followers already know, since I was a victim of bullying while growing up, I am just about as passionate an advocate for anti-bullying as I am an advocate for maternal mental health.  And mental health/depression and suicide as topics for discussion?  Still very taboo in our society today.  Yes, they are still very hush hush and make for awkward topics to talk about.  But not awkward enough for my lunch group today, which I had the pleasure of organizing as a mini reunion of four fellow Postpartum Support International (PSI) members from as far away as Arizona in addition to Long Island and of course, New Jersey.  Yes, we talked about suicide, among a number of other maternal-mental-health-related matters….not to mention our books (3 out of the 4 PSI members are book authors).

Not speaking up about suicide is just like not speaking up about mental health….it doesn’t do anyone any good.  It just keeps it a completely taboo topic.  It makes people who experience it feel ashamed and alone, when in fact they are far from alone.   People with suicidal thoughts may feel like no one cares and no one will ever understand what they are going through.  That’s simply not true.  There are always people who care.  The key is whether you spoke to the right person about what you’re going through.  When I say right person, I mean a loved one whom you trust and can help connect you with someone who is trained to help those who are in a dark place say that there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The following excerpt is being quoted with permission from Rehtaeh’s mother, Leah Parsons:

The sad part about thoughts of suicide and the taboo of discussing it is that so many people especially teenagers go through times where they have these thoughts. Instead of acknowledging that these thoughts are more common than we know…we make people feel like there is something “wrong” with them. That somehow they are “weak” and can not handle life’s pressures. Schools need more talk of mental health- not less. Not talking about mental health does not equal less suicides. Actually, talking with supports in place is the answer to helping peoples – especially teens deal with their emotional struggles.  So what would I say to someone who is wanting to leave this beautiful world?
I would say:

1. You are not alone.
2. This too shall pass….what seems like the darkest of days can lead you to the brightest light.
3. When we come out of darkness we have a better lense in which to view the world.
4. Find the smallest of things to look forward to everyday. It can be the feeling of crawling under your comfy blankets at night. Embrace comfort!
5. Ask for guidance to something bigger than yourself…even if you don’t believe in God, ask the Universe..you will get an answer but you have to be present. Listen,be present for that opportunity!
6. Look around you for beauty….it’s there and inside of you too.
7. Find one person you trust…find “YOUR” therapy whatever that may be…explore that.
8. Look around you at the people who love you…you matter to them even if it feels like your a burden…thats not true that is something you are feeding yourself to confirm your negative feelings. Its a trick your mind plays with you when you are down.
9. Life is hard and again YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
10. What seems like desperation and sadness today is not permanent….it will not always be that way.
11. Don’t compare your journey to another.
12. Someone else may seem strong and have everything going for them, but they too will struggle or are struggling.
13. You are loved…find the love in you and feed yourself the way you would a friend that is down.
14. Listen to your thoughts, is that how you would talk to a friend? Be that friend to yourself!
15. Please Stay there will never be another YOU!

I would like to end this post with a reminder to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are feeling like you are at the end of your rope, there is no hope, there is no way out of the situation that is making you feel so bad, and/or your loved ones would be better of without you.  Contrary to what you believe, your loved ones will NOT be better without you.

Fixing a Broken System of Stigma and Mommy Wars With Each Other, Not Against Each Other

*** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) and are sensitive to negative news events***

This blog post is a response to the articles in the media regarding the tragedy involving Carol Coronado, the Torrance mother with 3 young children, ages 2 months, 2 years and 3 years.  Read the statement issued by the National Coalition for Maternal Mental Health.  There’s a lot we don’t know about relating to this tragedy.  Does she have a history of depression or other mental health issue?  Did she try to reach out for help prior to yesterday?  Was she under a doctor’s care?  How much emotional and practical support was she getting?  Were there any other issues over the 3 years since her first child was born?  Without knowing the full story, the public is focusing on making her out to be some kind of monster.  True, it’s hard to accept that a parent could kill his/her child, let alone three.  But STOP right there.

Stopppppppppppppp!

Times like this, I just want to make all of it stop.  The stigma.  The Mommy Wars.  The hateful zealotry of people so obsessed with their views of how motherhood should be that they become toxic to others around them.  Yes, some people derive some sick pleasure off of making someone else feel bad (think bully).  They cannot empathize with anyone else’s situation (think sociopath).  JUST. STOP.

The shameful media whose only concern is to generate sales and hits to their websites who in all too many cases don’t bother to obtain the whole truth before causing speculation rife with inaccuracies that feed the ignorance and stigma that are already so damn difficult to do away with.  Media feeds stigma when they title a news article in a sensationalistic way to get the attention of as many people as possible via the newspaper or Facebook/Twitter feeds, insert their own judgmental/ignorant comments, and then encourage the public to share their opinions about the specific negative news event in question.  Of course they are going to get plenty of negative comments.  JUST. STOP.

The hateful words coming out of people’s mouths from ignorance borne from stigma and lack of public awareness surrounding mental health.  JUST. STOP.

The let’s-pass-judgment-before-knowing-the-truth-and-even-knowing-the-truth-doesn’t-matter-because-certain-people-don’t-care-about-the-truth-they-just-think-their-opinion-is-all-that-counts syndrome. JUST. STOP.

The stubborn mindset that depression is something that you can just snap out of does nothing but help keep people’s  blinders stuck in the let’s-continue-to-keep-my-eyes-willfully-closed mode.  JUST. STOP.

The OB/GYNs who for some reason can’t all get on board with becoming educated about perinatal mood disorders (PMD) so they can know how to properly detect, diagnose, treat and refer moms experiencing a PMD.  Instead, they contribute toward mothers (and their families) continuously falling through the cracks.  JUST. STOP.

The flawed mindset of “Well, you can be a Supermom if you want to be.  See Jane over there?  She just had her 3rd baby in 3 years, is a stay at home mom, keeps a perfect house, loves to cook, clean and do laundry.  She does it all herself.  Oh, and she BFd each of her babies for 2 years a piece.  Hell, if she can do it, so can I.”  JUST. STOP.

The name calling, judging and blaming of someone as soon as you hear negative news without knowing the full story.  Does doing this help anyone?  Does it make you feel better by trashing someone?  No?  Well, JUST. STOP.

Let’s face it.  We live in a egotistical, mompetitive, misogynistic, my-way-of-thinking-is-the-only-way-of-thinking society of misplaced priorities, lagging behind so many other less technologically sophisticated countries that are so much more advanced when it comes to the treatment of mothers and postpartum rituals (go figure), and breastfeeding zealots who only care about the well being of the baby, health of mother be damned (this is illogical, as how can you have a healthy baby if you don’t have a healthy mother to take care of that baby?).

Suzy Barston, author of the book Bottled Up and the Fearless Formula Feeder blog, included the following line which I love so much in her blog post titled “Vital Signs: Ignoring postpartum depression and psychosis won’t make them go away” in response to the tragedy:

We spend so much time worrying about a woman’s breasts, while we dismiss her mind.

And over at my dear friend Dr. Walker Karraa’s amazing blog Stigmama, there is a post from today titled “Women. Are. Dying. Shut It Down”  by Ann Jamison.  It’s an absolute MUST READ.  What an amazing writer she is.  Here is an excerpt that really hit home for me:

In the wake of shocking tragedy like this, opinions and judgment pave the well-worn, easy road. We blame this woman and all the women like her. We blame women when they aren’t coping well, we hate on them jealously when they are. We create so much stigma and fear surrounding mental illness that it’s nearly impossible to ask for help. When we do, our pleas go unanswered. When we don’t, and the worst happens, our humanity card is revoked and we’re suddenly monsters…….Women and their children are dying. Make no mistake. Mental illness kills. Mental illness is also the most common complication of childbirth. And we don’t screen for it. We don’t talk about it. Healthcare providers overlook it or are uncomfortable treating it.

We have an awful lot of people who don’t care.  They just want to do what they want to do, say what they want to say, and feel what they want to feel.  Yes, it’s all too comfortable to lead a life of ignorance for some people.  This is the mindset we’re up against, making public awareness and banishing stigma so damn challenging.

I know my blog post has been a downer, but I’m not saying we have no hope of improving things.  We can make a difference!

For starters, if  you see a new mom, whether she is a friend or relative, ask her how she’s REALLY feeling.  Ask if she is getting enough help.  REALLY listen to her and look deep into her eyes.  If she doesn’t sound herself, is crying, and/or indicates she is not feeling herself (the day the tragedy took place, Carol had shared with her mother that she thought she was “going crazy” AND Carol had spoken to her sister-in-law who thought she didn’t sound herself) and it is past the first 3 weeks postpartum, suggest that she get more help with the baby and see her doctor RIGHT AWAY.

I am not ok_Kleiman

Permission to use image granted by Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW, founder of The Postpartum Stress Center

Better yet, she should see someone who is experienced with treating postpartum mood disorders RIGHT AWAY.  Have no idea where to go to find one?  Start with the Postpartum Support International network of regional coordinators.

Let’s end stigma.  Yes, this is hard, but we can do it, if we each did our part by speaking up and sharing knowledge about maternal mental health matters at every opportunity.

Let’s focus on moms supporting moms.  End the mommy wars!

Let’s stop judging and bashing each other, and start treating others as you would want to be treated.  Provide support when the opportunity presents itself.

Let’s make a difference within our own personal spheres.  One. Mom. At. A. Time.  There are many ways you can help.  If it’s a life calling to switch gears to a career that helps moms, like being a doula, baby nurse, social worker, etc.,  then awesome.  But you can also provide virtual support.  For example, I am a member of Mama’s Comfort Camp, founded by my friend Yael Saar.  It’s an AMAZING forum of non-judgmental, loving support.

Let’s realize we have a broken, patriarchal system and work together and find ways to fix it….together.  Not against each other.  With each other.

Postpartum Support International’s 2014 Blog Hop – Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month

May iPSI Blog Hop Badge by Lauren Hales a special month for postpartum mood disorder (PPMD) survivors.  Why?  Because it is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month…..and you can participate in the 2nd annual Postpartum Support International (PSI) blog hop!  The topic of the blog hop is Perinatal Mood Disorders: What Helped Me Recover: Self, Family & Community Resources.

If you are a blogger who has experienced postpartum depression (PPD) or any other postpartum mood disorder (PMD), please consider joining the blog hop to help spread awareness!  All you have to do is go to the two blog hop host blogs, Kathy Morelli’s Birthtouch and Dr. Christi Hibbert’s blog, and read the guidelines.  There, you will see all the other blogs who are participating in this blog hop.

You have all month in which to join the blog hop.  So, PPD survivor mamas, get your creative writing juices flowing!  Let’s get the word out that moms need not feel alone and unaware of where/who to go to for help!

SELF:
Let’s empower PPD mamas so they have the knowledge they need to understand that what they are going through is not their fault and they will be well again as long as they get the right help.  As I mentioned in my book, in past post posts on this blog, my PSI blog hop post last year, and even on my Huffington Post piece titled “Hindsight is 20/20: Taking Personal PPD Experience and Helping Other Moms,” I was not aware of any online or group resources, I suffered–alone and frightened–without anyone to really talk to about what I was going through except for my husband.

FAMILY:
Support can be in the form of practical (and perhaps even emotional support) from the mom’s significant other and other family members.  Click here on the importance of and historical/cultural aspects of mothering the mother.

COMMUNITY:
Community resources can be in the form of local organizations, like PPD support groups in a local hospital or like MotherWoman and others (too many to name, but I do list many under my Support Groups/Local Resources links on my blog).  You can also find a number of excellent online PPD communities for support, like the closed Facebook group #PPDChat Support.

Upcoming PPD Awareness Events

With Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month just a few days away, there are a number of postpartum depression awareness events coming up.  The purpose of today’s post is to highlight three of the events occurring in the next two months.  In the order in which they will occur, they are:

Shining a Light on Postpartum Depression: The Role of Programs, Policy and Public Health – A Community Forum

When:  Thursday, May 29, 2014 from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm (EST)

Where: Congregation Beth Elohim, 271 Garfield Place, Brooklyn, NY 11215

Theme:  A dialogue on what role the city and state can play in education, screening and treatment of PPD

Presented by: Brooklyn Community Board 6 Youth, Human Service and Education Committee, State Senator Liz Krueger, State Senator Velmanette Montgomery, State Assembly Member Joan Millman, Council Member Brad Lander, and Council Member Stephen Levin

Moderated by: Rain Henderson, Deputy Director, Clinton Health Matters Initiative at Clinton Foundation

2 Panel Discussions:

  1. First panel to focus on clinical symptoms associated with PPD and resources for women and their families.  Panel members to include the amazing Sonia Murdoch, Executive Director, The Postpartum Resource Center of NYRebecca Benghiat, Executive Director, Seleni Institute, and Catherine Birndorf, MD, Clinical Associate Director of Psychiatry and Obstetrics/Gynecology  and founding director of the Payne Whitney Women’s Program at the New York Presbyterian  Hospital – Weill Cornell Medical Center
  2. Second panel to focus on what role the city and state can play in education, screening and treatment of PPD.  Panel members to include New York State Senator Liz Krueger, New York City Councilman Stephen Levin, and New York City Councilwoman Laurie Cumbo (NYC Council Women’s Issues Committee Chair).

For more information on this event, click here and/or contact the event organizer, Paige Bellenbaum at p.bellenbaum@ccgbrooklyn.com or 646-228-2381.

27th Annual Postpartum Support International Conference

When:  June 18 – 21, 2014

Where:  University of North Carolina Center for Women’s Mood Disorders, Chapel Hill

Theme:  Creating Connections between Communities, Practitioners, and Science:  Innovative Care for Perinatal Mood Disorders

Sadly, I will not be able to make it this year.  I will miss seeing so many of my friends.  :(  Please click here for my blog post about last year’s conference in Minneapolis and the wonderful time I had there.

For more information, including the agenda, presenters, and registration details, click here.

Climb Out of the Darkness 2014

When:  Saturday, June 21, 2014

Where:  Anywhere you choose to hike up a mountain, climb or walk.

Created byPostpartum Progress Inc., a registered 501c3 nonprofit organization that raises awareness and supports pregnant and new moms with maternal mental illness.

What is it?   It’s the world’s largest grassroots event raising awareness of perinatal mood disorders, in which people around the world hike, climb or walk outside on the longest day of the year (June 21st).

For more information and/or to register to participate, click here.   You can participate by joining a group climb or even start your own individual or group climb.

The Irony Behind Alicia Silverstone’s Kind Mama

Though it’s less common among kind mamas, some women experience the blues after giving birth. – Alicia Silverstone

You heard that right.  Now, this, I rank right up there with Tom Cruise’s ignorant ranting “There’s no such thing as a chemical balance!”  I found out yesterday that Alicia Silverstone has written a book titled “The Kind Mama: A Simple Guide to Supercharged Fertility, a Radiant Pregnancy, a Sweeter Birth, and a Healthier, More Beautiful Beginning.”  From the articles I’ve read since yesterday, apparently she thinks her celebrity status has rendered her viewpoint more worthy of the public’s attention than that of medical and parenting experts.

[This book can] help prevent or even cure your PMS, insomnia, allergies, breakouts, weight struggles, thyroid condition, lupus, multiple sclerosis—while significantly lowering your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

Apparently, she now thinks she knows more than medical experts, whom you no longer would need to see if you were to simply follow the suggestions in her book of parenting and cure-all-ills wisdom.  What is making  me want to rank Alicia’s book up with TC’s ignorant 2005 rant (during my postpartum depression (PPD) recovery) is the fact that an individual is using their celebrity status thinking she is doing something that would benefit the public but is achieving the opposite.  From the sound of the outrageously unconventional and advice lacking in common sense throughout Alicia’s book, you’d tend to think that her book was somehow Scientology-motivated–just as TC’s rant was–as it is pretty far out of the ballpark.

Her sanctimonious, empathy-lacking and insensitive claims–summarized over at In Case You Didn’t Know, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and Love and Knuckles, so I am not going to go into detail about her anti-diaper, anti-vaccination, anti-crib, anti-tampon, anti-meat, and anti-dairy claims (it’s almost like she wants us to go back to our caveman days and at the same time be vegan) in any detail here–are pissing people off .

Much like the twerking antics of Miley Cyrus at last year’s MTV VMA succeeded to shock the world into paying attention to her–almost like a rite of passage and proof positive that she is forever closing the door on her good girl, Disney Channel, days as Hannah Montana and never looking back–I would think Alicia’s publication of this book was merely an attention-seeking mechanism.   With Alicia’s big screen activities being pretty non-existent and her 2012 video of chewing her son’s food and passing it along to her son didn’t create enough stir to draw the attention she was hoping for, she probably thought, “Hmmmm, what better way to attract attention than to write a book with content that would certainly attract the public’s attention.”

I personally would never waste money on a book that is so outrageously negative toward others (couples trying desperately to conceive, moms suffering from PPD, parents who use diapers and put their babies in cribs, meat/dairy consumers), egotistical, paranoia-inducing, misleading, and stigma-spreading.  If I had written this very same book, do you think it would’ve been published with such bizarre content?  Nope.  Publishing companies would no doubt scoff at it, thinking I was crazy.

I’d NEVER ONCE heard about her 2012 video of her bird-like feeding behavior…until yesterday (and I haven’t watched it…have no interest whatsoever).  Maybe she was a mother bird in a previous life…but she came back as a human that is CLUELESS about being supportive, empathizing and understanding human maternal matters. 

In a couple of the articles I read, it seems that Alicia is perceived to be innocently sharing what worked for her as a parent and is merely trying to help other parents out.  But……I certainly do not appreciate the implication that anyone who  uses diapers, gets vaccinated, uses tampons (which I’ve never done before), and eats meat/meat bi-products (like dairy) is unkind.  And I resent the implication that experiencing PPD makes me any less of a person than those who don’t experience PPD.  Hence the reason I rank her out-of-the-ballpark statements up with the likes of TC’s infamously nonsensical rant.

Alicia, simply reading your book is not going to cure us of all our ills and ensure our children will grow up healthy and happy.  Hate to burst your bubble there, but a pregnant woman who reads your book will not be protected from PPD.  Just like a couple experiencing fertility issues will not miraculously become pregnant just by reading your book and following your advice of just “doing it” spontaneously.  Telling a couple experiencing infertility issues that having a baby is easy is so amazingly insensitive.  If you thought you were publishing a book to help others, you are very, very wrong.  Great job in earning the scorn and dislike among a good number of the public who are parents who have directly or indirectly experienced a maternal mental health disorder and/or infertility!

I’m not going to bother to defend myself or my PPD experience with someone like Alicia (and all other judgmental supermoms out there), just like I’m not going to try to convince anyone not to bother buying a copy of Alicia’s book.  Just like there are people who continue to troll, bully, judge, criticize, and act mean to others for no reason–and nothing will change their ways–there are people who are going to continue to look up to Alicia simply for her celebrity status (even though she’s had a lackluster movie career ever since “Clueless”) and lap up everything she says.  Well, to each her/his own.  If you want to bother reading the book, please just take what you read with a grain of salt, remembering that the source of information is coming from someone who is not a medical or parenting expert, and who is primarily known for her role in the movie “Clueless.”   Ironic, eh?

The mission of my blog is to spread awareness about maternal mental health matters.  That includes pointing out barriers, including false information and ignorant remarks.

Sounds of Silence Friends of the Postpartum Resource Center of New York. 7th Annual Run/Walk – May 10, 2014

Join the Sounds of Silence, Friends of the Postpartum Resource Center of New York’s 7th annual run/walk to help raise funds in the effort to increase awareness of perinatal mood disorders, such as postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum OCD, and postpartum psychosis.   Not only is this for an excellent cause, it will be a nice opportunity to race (or walk) a beautiful 5K boardwalk along the Atlantic Ocean.

Date:  Saturday, May 10, 2014

Time:  Registration from 8:00-9:00; race/walk begins at 9:30 AM / 1:00am – Kids Fun Run, Raffles, Food and more

Place:   Jones Beach State Park, Wantagh, Long Island (Field 5)

Registration:  $25 (adults); $15 (ages 11-18); $5 (ages 10 and under)

Other Race Details:  The top female and male runners, plus top fundraiser, will receive awards.  Back in 2009, I was one of the two top fundraisers, bringing in over $1,000 (as an individual).

Click here for more information on the Sounds of Silence, Friends of the Postpartum Resource Center of New York.

Things Your OB/GYN Won’t Tell You But Should

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time picking what topic to blog about in the little time that I have to blog.  Nowadays, something I read in my Facebook feed has to really spark my interest in a big way.  Today, I stumbled across this HuffPo article “6 Things Your Ob-Gyn Won’t Tell You But Should.”  The article is meant to provide guidance to women who are thinking about becoming ,or are already, pregnant and need to find an OB/GYN that is right for them.

Here’s the comment I left:

I can tell you what my OB/GYN didn’t tell me about….postpartum depression…or treat me in an understanding/sympathetic fashion….or know who to refer me to for help. It’s pitiful and inexcusable that they are supposed to be charged for the care of women’s reproductive health matters, and yet perinatal mood disorders are still so far off their radars! They must get up to speed and be prepared to inform, detect (this includes screening pregnant and new moms with basic questions), and treat and/or refer to a specialist for treatment!

Here’s my advice for you that is coming from someone who has been down the road of having to find an OB/GYN (because I had just moved to the area) and was merely relying on the fact that so many women in town have the same one, without really feeling the doctor out ahead of time by asking questions and really determining if he was the right fit for me.  I didn’t allow any chance for my gut instinct–usually very fine-tuned–to really kick in.  How was I supposed to know he was going to have such poor bedside manner at the first hint of things not going as planned, and then drop kick me when he realized I had PPD?

In addition to the questions the Huffpo article lists, be sure to ask the following:

  1. How much about PPD and other perinatal mood disorders do you know, and can you tell me about them?
  2. Do you screen all your patients during, at minimum, the postpartum period for any postpartum mood disorder (PMD)–both via basic questions asked (see sample questions here) and via bloodwork?
  3. Do you treat PMDs, and if not, do you have referrals to healthcare providers who specialize in treating PMDs?

Please note that I am not limiting this advice to those with a history of depression.  I never had depression prior to my pregnancy and yet managed to get hit from left field with PPD and was thus left feeling sad, scared, alone, helpless and hopeless.

Please do not follow in my footsteps.

Be in the know and choose your OB/GYN wisely.

Let’s Face It, Your Kids Can’t Avoid Bullies and Mean Kids – But You Can Help Them Develop Problem Solving Skills

*** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) and are sensitive to negative news events ***

I am so tired of feeling devastated, seeing the constant posts of children taking their own lives.  Reading about teen suicides that seem to be occurring more and more frequently is truly heartbreaking.

There’s 11 year old Michael Morones who was bullied (and is now in a persistent vegetative state from hanging himself) for being a My Little Pony fan.  Every time I see his beautiful face on my Facebook feed, I just want to break down and cry.

Then there’s Ashley Payton who was driven to bullycide on February 5, 2014,  just shy of her 16th birthday.  A girl who was so beautiful and yet was convinced she wasn’t.  Self esteem issues seemingly at play here, as is at the heart of all too many other teen-related issues like eating disorders (anorexia/bulimia), cutting, drugs, and depression….just to name a few.

And finally, there’s the article in the Clarion Ledger dated April 12, 2014 titled “Anti-bullying Laws Fail to Stem Youth Suicide” by Emily Le Coz, which is what motivated me to write this post today.  The article reveals frightening statistics of the numbers of youth suicides each year and how bullying is most often cited as the root of the epidemic, despite anti-bullying laws in place in most states.  The article mentions 15-year-old Lyndsey Taylor Aust, bullied for merely having acnie, was but one of THREE suicides in her school within ONE MONTH period (this is what is referred to as a “contagion effect”).

Sure, schools have some form of anti-bullying policy in place, but I have yet to hear about a school that has an effective one.  For one thing, instead of an environment of transparency in schools, you have one that is controlled by fear that stems from the stigma of depression and suicide. Instead of transparency and a culture that TRULY cares about the welfare of students, schools fear doing anything to change the negative culture, hence the sweeping of depression, suicide and bullying under the rug.  There is a price to pay for such willful ignorance.  Look at what happened at Scott County Central High School in Mississippi….three suicides in ONE MONTH.

The fact of the matter is our children are feeling hopeless and helpless enough to end their own precious lives.  There have been arguments that bullying is not necessarily the sole and direct cause of all youth suicides.  That it might just be “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” Well, there is ABSOLUTELY a correlation between victims of bullying and suicidal thoughts and attempts, according to a study published in the March 2014 edition of JAMA Pediatrics.  You can also review the booklet posted over on the CDC website titled The Relationship Between Bullying & Suicide.  Both parents and educators should familiarize themselves with this information.

If there are self esteem issues that are leading toward changes in behavior/sleep/eating, depression should be looked at and treated. In a number of recent cases I’ve read about recently, I noticed that parents indicated there was absolutely no sign whatsoever that anything was out of the ordinary.  Their children seemed like their happy, normal selves.  I don’t know any of these families’ situations, but there is a greater tendency to bully or be bullied in the following situations in which a stable support system is lacking:

  1. Greater numbers of single parents than ever before
  2. Dual-career parents who are busy working long hours at full-time jobs and spending less time at home with the kids and providing positive behavior role modeling, interaction, and simply listening opportunities
  3. Risk factors for depression and other mental health issues, like eating disorders, self esteem issues, family history of mental illness, extreme poverty, emotional/physical abuse, lack of nurturing, etc.

I am not in any way blaming any parents whose children took their own lives.  I’m imploring ALL parents to be more in tune with their children. If there is an underlying mental health issue, then PLEASE get help for them.  If you see that there are changes in demeanor, behavior, diet, and sleep, please observe, talk to and listen….REALLY LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY AND REALLY OBSERVE THEIR BEHAVIOR AND MANNERISMS CLOSELY.  If they refuse to open up to you, please try to get them a neutral third party–someone experienced with teen issues and depression, like a family counselor–to talk to them.  Put aside any feelings of shame or fear from the stigma of mental illness.

If you are of the camp of parents who believes the best way your children will learn to adapt to and survive in this world is by doing it with very little to no guidance from you, I implore you to put aside any feelings you may have that, since you toughed it up and lasted through mean kids and got through tough times in school, your child can too.  Don’t think for one second that what you went through growing up back in the 60s, 70s or 80s is the same as growing up today in the 21st century when kids are heavy users of social media and can be cyberbullied day and night via texting, Twitter, Facebook, Instragram, and online forums in which teens “hang out” in an often anonymous fashion.  Anonymity affords cyberbullies/trolls access to an easy–albeit even more cowardly than in-person bullying–means to harass, intimidate and taunt in a public forum, and gives others to join in/gang up to make an emotionally vulnerable young individual miserable.  And put aside the belief that it’s impossible for them to ever have any mental health issues because “depression just doesn’t happen to anyone in my household; I wouldn’t allow them to be weak like that.”

In these cases–since we all know that middle and high schools are a breeding ground for kids undergoing hormone changes who, as part of the socialization process that goes with growing up, try to assert themselves in inappropriate ways–we need to ensure our children are prepared.  I’m  not saying we need to be like the helicopter parents that are so oft criticized in parenting articles, and solve all our kids’ problems so we can keep them out of harm’s way.  No, not at all.  I’m saying that we need to provide guidance to our children.  After all, that’s what parents do.  We use our own experiences and wisdom gained from living and learning….and from our own parents.  From the time our children are toddlers, we teach/coach/guide our children to feed themselves, go potty themselves, talk, stand up, walk, change themselves, brush their teeth, behave appropriate/use inside voices in public spaces…and so on.

I can’t help but view a school as one huge boxing ring within which kids are forced to demonstrate their survival skills.  Because school ends up being where kids spend most of their time every day of the school year, it’s not unreasonable for me to say that every school district should help kids with training on how to cope with mean kids.  In fact, I fervently believe schools should be mandated to add to their curriculum–for first grade all the way through twelfth grade–a year long training on social skills.

It’s one thing that schools observe a Week of Kindness every October.  That’s only five days out of a 183-day school year.   Schools will generally have a mission that includes words like emotional wellness, appreciation of diversity, fostering respect.  But let’s face it, since we can’t even get the majority of schools in this country to deal with bullying effectively, the responsibility for teaching our kids coping skills rests on parents.

It is inevitable that there are mean kids in every school.  What we need to focus on is how to provide our children with guidance on how to cope with mean kids.  It is crucial that parents teach their children to adapt to and survive in this world by nurturing, guidance, and simply being there for them.  Providing guidance is not the same thing as making things easier for our kids and fixing all their issues so down the road they have no problem solving skills of their own. I’m talking about helping our children develop skills they need to fix their own problems. Self esteem is a huge issue for all too many teens. Not every teen is going to know how to let mean behavior slide like it took me years to learn how to do myself.

Resources I would like to recommend for both parents and educators (I am early in my research, so more to come in future blog posts):

Lovely Book Review Over at Resplendent by Design

A friend of a friend, Bobbi Parish, therapist and author of the blog Resplendent by Design and book “Create Your Own Sacred Text” has written a very lovely book review of my book “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood.”  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Bobbi, for taking the time out of your very busy schedule to read my book and write a book review.

One of the many rewards for writing my book–aside from the personal satisfaction of seeing the fruit of your six years of labor result an attractive book with content that can help make a positive difference for others–is making new connections, especially ones who would go out of their way to spread the word about a fellow mom’s book intended to help other moms.  Another reward is knowing that you are contributing in some small measure toward reaching mothers and their families with information that can help empower them to recognize when they are suffering from a perinatal mood disorder, where to go for help, what the treatment options are….not to mention, realize that what they are going through is experienced by more women than they will ever know, they have no need to feel guilty, and they will be well again with the right help.

The best part of Bobbi’s review is the fact that she is recommending my book for patients of obstetricians, midwives and doulas:

In my opinion, this is a book that should be on every Obstetrician, Midwife and Doula’s shelf and in their waiting room. It should also be on a list of resources about Postpartum Disorders handed out to every pregnant woman by their health care professional. It will absolutely help women battle this insidious mental health disorder and thereby enable them to have a healthier, happier postpartum period with the full capacity to care for and bond with their newborn.

Please go over to her blog and read the rest of her book review.

If you are an obstetrician, midwife or doula, please consider following Bobbi’s recommendation of 1) keeping a copy of my book in your waiting room and 2) including my book on a list of resources which I hope you already have (and if not, please consider putting one together now) about perinatal mood disorders handed out to your pregnant patients.

If you have stumbled across my blog and want to read more about my motherhood journey and what I learned from it, please consider buying a copy.  My book is available at Amazon via Kindle and both paperback and hard cover format.

If you know a mom who has found herself as blindsided and scared as I found myself when I was hit hard by postpartum depression, please consider buying her, or recommending she buy, a copy of my book.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

<3

Adjusting Well, by Ann Jamison

I’ve never re-blogged anyone’s blog posts before, but I had to for this.  This piece–so moving and honest and raw–brought me to tears…reminding me so much of my own dark, lonely, helpless days of PPD.

The Every Mother, Every Time White House Petition: What It Means

Okay, today was a reaaaaaally rough day at work.  I got home around 8:15 pm.  Missed a woman’s club meeting I was planning to attend.  Was able to see my daughter for a little over an hour before having to put her to bed.  I’ve had 5 hours of sleep for the past few nights straight.

But…. I am making this post a priority.

My last blog post was written and published 2 days after Ebony Wilkerson drove her minivan into the ocean at Daytona Beach, but I have since updated it with new information relating to the White House petition, Every Mother, Every Time that was subsequently created.  There are now nearly 1500 signatures to the petition, and we need 100,000 to mandate a national conversation about perinatal mood disorders (PMDs) and how we can help prevent mothers like Ebony, Miriam Carey, and Cynthia Wachtenheim–these are just some of the tragedies that took place here in this country in the past few months (the list goes on)–from having to fall through the cracks.  With an occurrence of PMDs of approximately 1 out of 7 new mothers, people like the amazing Dr. Walker Karraa are tired of the status quo of being reactive.  It’s time to be PROACTIVE!

Dr. Karraa had a Q&A interview with Every Mother Counts, founded in 2010 by none other than Christy Turlington.  Click here for the Q&A.    Dr. Karraa also guest posted today over at healthyplace.com about the petition.  Click here to read it.  Please take a few minutes to read both pieces so you can learn what the petition is hoping to accomplish and why.  Don’t let any preconceived notions or fears that you may have keep you from opening your eyes and making a judgment for yourself.

You’re probably wondering why you haven’t heard about this petition via more media outlets, organizations, blogs, and other social media.  I can’t say that I understand why.  Perhaps they feel that 100,000 is unattainable and therefore not worth the effort?  Or this is a conflict of interest of some sort (not sure how that could possibly be the case because this is about advocating for increased public awareness and resources to treat and support new mothers suffering from PMDs)?  Or for some of the other reasons mentioned in the two Walker Karraa pieces.

Whatever the case may be, I want to just say that, if there is an opportunity for a conversation to be brought to the forefront so that more OB/GYNs–those who have dedicated themselves to women’s reproductive health–take responsibility to screen (i.e., ask a couple simple questions, know how to recognize and properly diagnose a PMD, know how to provide their patients options, refer patients to mental health practitioners if necessary), I am going to drop what I’m doing and help pass the word on.

I’m asking that you do too.

Sign this Petition! Don’t Let Any More Mothers Fall Through the Cracks Any More

REVISED AS OF WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2014, 9:30 PM EST

By now, you’ve probably already heard about the woman who drove her minivan into the ocean at Daytona Beach, Florida.  Her three children–ages 3, 9 and 10–were in the minivan.  And the woman was pregnant with her fourth child.   When I first started reading the article, I was bracing myself to read about the tragic loss of four lives–actually, five lives if you count the unborn child–but thankfully, they did not perish in the ocean.  From the little I could gather from the article, it seemed that the woman was suffering from psychosis, which is how bipolar disorder can manifest in a pregnant or postpartum woman.  The 911 recording of her sister indicated that she was “talking about Jesus and that there’s demons in my house and that I’m trying to control her…..She’s, like, having psychosis or something.”

My friends and I cringed as soon as we heard about this story, just like we cringe when there is ANY news of mothers who attempt to kill their baby/children and themselves.  We cringe because we know that the general population–the majority of people out there who are ignorant about postpartum mood disorders–seem ever so swift to condemn the mother’s actions.

I am sick and tired of the stigma.  Sick and tired of the ignorance about maternal mental health. Sick and tired of women being failed by their doctors and by a medical system laden with holes that let all too many mothers fall through the cracks.

Are you sick and tired too?  Well, join me now in signing a petition to implement universal mental health screening for every pregnant and postpartum woman.  Let’s put an end to the stigma and ignorance, and get mothers the treatment they need before a perinatal mood disorder (PND)–a mood disorder during/after pregnancy which can affect up to 1 out of 7 new mothers–leads to tragic circumstances!

I have participated in/encountered several meaningful discussions on Facebook about screening over the past week.  I know from the past 5 years of blogging and advocacy that, for every bunch of PMD survivors and advocates that voice their support for the implementation of universal mental health screening of pregnant and postpartum mothers, there is at least one individual voicing concern, and even opposing  it.  Why would anyone be opposed to the simple asking of a set of standardized questions to try to see if a mom might be experiencing symptoms of a PND, you ask?  Well, these individuals are concerned that legislating such a screening would cause an already over-medicated society to fall deeper into the arms of Big Pharma and doctors even more reason to simply dole out medication prescriptions.  These individuals fear that, in addition to  inadequate experience with PNDs and an inadequate referral system to therapists who do have experience treating PNDs–both of which are entirely valid points, unfortunately–one too many moms will simply be prescribed medications (and sometimes the wrong ones, to boot) when what many moms do need is therapy as well.  To make it more complicated, many moms will fear taking medications for fear of passing the medications on to their babies through their breast milk.

Whether we get the 100,000 signatures or not, the very least that we hope would come of this petition is to raise greater public awareness of PNDs and reduce stigma. If we were to reach 100,000 signatures, then there would have to be a federal law to INVESTIGATE the subject.  If universal screening were to come about, it would be offered to all mothers, but mothers can opt out.  There would NOT be a mandatory prescription doled out if a mother tested positive.  The desperately sought outcome of the petition would, first and foremost be, EDUCATION of doctors to screen in a non-intrusive fashion, take thyroid levels into consideration, how to provide compassionate and nonjudgmental care, etc., as well as EDUCATION of mothers about PMDs and treatment options available if she were to experience a PND.  It would be up to the mother how/if she would seek treatment.

Did you know that screening is routinely offered by many OB/GYNs already?   I have not heard any negative experiences when it comes to screening that is offered to mothers today.  A big Thank You to Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW, founder of The Postpartum Stress Center and author of numerous books on perinatal mood disorders for giving me permission to use this image, which I saw pop up on my Facebook feed a few days ago.

screening_Kleiman

I would like to quote fellow Mama’s Comfort Camp member, Anna Tarkov (thank you, Anna, for letting me quote you!), in response to another member’s comments about preferring a cultural overhaul comprised of a national campaign to educate and support for new mothers over the implementation of universal screening…which don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree with as well (we need all three: SCREENING, PUBLIC AWARENESS/EDUCATION, AND SUPPORT):

We can and should push the culture change [campaign to educate and support but with no screening] that needs to happen, but I just don’t know if it’s enough…..I share your concern for medication as a sole solution, but I feel we already have this situation with our medical system. Many conditions don’t require medication and could be treated in another way. Each patient is responsible for making up their own mind and each clinician should present all the options. I thought carefully about whether I should take medication as part of my treatment and I think I made the right call for myself. If someone else chooses another path, that is fine, but if even one life of a mother or child or innocent bystander can be saved if we were to have effective screening during pregnancy and after, I would consider that a victory…….My hope would be that with better screening, clinicians can also be required to provide a lot more beyond a diagnosis. I am cautious about any new proposed policy and often what we end up with is far from perfect. But my feeling is that doing nothing isn’t an option and any step in the right direction is a good idea.

You summed it up so nicely, Anna!

Oh, and do read and encourage others you know to read the facts, and nothing but the facts about bipolar disorder during pregnancy and postpartum.  Here is just one of many places you can read up on it.

Please, please, please…..sign the petition and SHARE WIDELY.  Let’s get as many signatures as possible!  Tweet about it.  Blog about it.  Share about it on Facebook.  Let’s be the change that we so desperately need for our mothers!  Let’s make sure that no more mothers fall through the cracks.  Thank you!

My Blog’s 5th Birthaversary and Info on PSI Zumbathon Fundraiser

Some people call it a Blogoversary.  Some people call it a Blog Birthday.  The French say “Joyeaux Anniversaire” for Happy Birthday.   I don’t really care much what it’s called.  I just know that both Blogoversary and Blog Birthday hold the same meaning, and my blog has been around for 5 years!  Woohoo!!!  Actually, five years and one day, since the momentous occasion was yesterday.  But I was too tired to blog last night…..anyway, I’ll just compromise and call it a Birthaversary.  :)

In these past 5 years, I’ve seen an increasing number of personal experiences with postpartum depression (PPD) posted on blogs, on Huffington Post, on online parenting magazines, etc.  Seeing these articles gives me hope that we are reaching more and more people about maternal mental health issues.

At the same time, however, there are still stories in the news of how we–despite being in 2014–are still failing our mothers all over the world.  Sometimes, I think that it’s willful ignorance that keeps people in the dark.  And like the UK  case I wrote about recently, misguided priorities and inadequate training are still leading to mothers falling through the cracks.

I want to implore all PPD survivors, PPD advocates and medical/mental health professionals to make a more concerted effort to:

ISL_020714

Work together
Remember that a healthy baby means a healthy mother
Really focus on the mother’s well-being
Break down silos
Encourage collaborative care
Support mothers and discourage mom-petitions
Embrace the fact that there is no one right way to mother
Ensure there is increased public awareness and research initiatives to improve early detection and treatment
Encourage a culture of sharing and banish stigma

Before I end this post, I would like to share information about an upcoming Postpartum Support International (PSI) zumbathon fundraiser being held in memory of Cynthia Wachtenheim, a mother whose life was tragically cut short last March.  All proceeds from the event will go to maternal mental health public awareness and support.  I am proud to be a member of PSI since 2006.  It is an organization that is very much at the forefront of all of the positive efforts above.

Who Will Catch Me? MotherWoman Perinatal Support Group Webinar: February 6, 2014

Quick post from me today.

I promised Liz Friedman, MotherWoman Program Director, that I would post information about their next webinar this coming Thursday, February 6th, at 3 pm EST.   Click here for details and to register.  If you are a postpartum depression (PPD) survivor and/or are simply interested in knowing how to help make a positive difference in the lives of mothers through a support model that has been proven successful and key to the recovery of moms suffering from PPD, please register today!

The webinar will be led by MotherWoman’s trainers Annette Cycon (Founder) and Liz Friedman, and hosted by Praeclarus Press and The Simkin Center at Bastyr University.

Click here on one of my prior blog posts about MotherWoman and its important mission.  Peer support–the kind of support that entails emotional and social support–is something I completely lacked during my own PPD journey and I am convinced would have made a HUGE difference for me.  I didn’t know where to find such support.  My OB and his staff’s lack of awareness regarding PPD and lack of bedside manner aggravated my condition because I thought I was suffering from some incurable illness.  They provided ZERO comfort.  Their coldness is something I will never forget.  My GP’s complete and utter lack of bedside manner–even though he prescribed the right combination of medicine that ultimately helped cure me–also aggravated my condition and is something I will never forget.  My symptoms occurred so suddenly and so severely that I had no choice but to seek medical help right away.  Even though I had medical help, the fact that NO ONE acknowledged my feelings or even understood them enough to comfort me is a sad reflection of the state of our current maternal mental healthcare system.

Postpartum Support International (PSI) and MotherWoman are two organizations which advocate and train individuals who are committed in their maternal mental health missions.  I urge you to join in the mission today and help ensure NO mothers fall through the cracks!