*** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from depression and are sensitive to negative news events ***
Today was a day that will go down in the history books as one of the worst school shootings in this country. So many young children and school employees killed. I write with a heavy heart. I am praying for the families who have lost loved ones in today’s tragedy. And I am praying for all the survivors who witnessed what happened.
It’s very coincidental that I have been planning to put up in the next day or so another post about bullying, teenage angst, empathy, and the state of our current school culture and what I believe we desperately need if we are to make a difference for our children. They are our future.
The way it works for me is, as I come across articles in the news/blog posts that catch my interest, if I don’t have time to blog about it right away, I save them to my “Next Posts” folder to provide inspiration for future blog posts. I have the following 6 links about bullying and empathy saved in that folder:
Onward to Change:
- School Bullying: To End It, We Must Change Our Culture – by John Siebel (4/12/12, Huffpost)
- Living with CertaintyTM Anti-Bullying Programs – Kristi LeBlanc
- The Secret to Designing a Positive School Culture – by Laura White (11/5/12, www.startempathy.org)
- Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying: Defining the Differences – by Signe Whitson (11/26/12, Huffpost)
- Understanding How Children Develop Empathy – Perri Klass, MD (12/10/12, NY Times)
Links to Resources:
- Please refer to the Anti-bullying/Teen Resources links I list on the right side of my blog
- Please refer to my recent blog post for more links on previous posts relating to teen angst, depression, and bullying…and why I write about it so much on this PPD blog
- Start Empathy Facebook page
I’m writing this post to help me process the news that hit me as I left work today. I had no idea this had even happened until after 3:00 pm today, hours after it took place, because I never had a chance to go onto the Internet, as it was a really busy day at work and no one at work brought it up…..not until a colleague mentioned it to me shortly before I was supposed to leave the office for the weekend.
I posted this on my Facebook timeline on my way home from work:
We really need to do something that will end these senseless killings. More mental health programs, for one. More empathy programs in schools too. In all school systems, for all school-aged children. I think if we made these changes, we have a better shot at making a difference.
It will take a few days for the investigation to determine the circumstances that led to this tragedy. But seeing how it happened in a school, like so many of the other school massacres that took place in the past decade, I am pretty certain that it’s issues stemming from school days/environment that drove the shooter to choose this school as the backdrop for seeking vengeance or playing out whatever was going on his mind, spurred on by what could have been years of bullying and/or other emotionally scarring incidents that occurred in school.
I cannot even begin to imagine what the families who lost their children are going through. Tears welled up in my eyes during my commute home and before, during and after dinner with my family. And now I sit here with a lump in my throat. And then I see my news feed show posts and links to blog posts criticizing anyone who would express any opinions on the tragedy. In all honesty, I’m not writing this post out of disrespect for those who were senselessly killed today or their families now grieving. I am so sad, I had to get my thoughts out.
I suffered from postpartum depression (PPD), and now I’m a PPD advocate. I wasn’t about to let my experience merely fade away with my recovery. I want to share my story and try to help others, to make a difference for other moms by making them feel less alone in their experience and help empower them with knowledge so they can understand why it happens so they feel less guilty and more empowered to recognize symptoms and know their treatment options. I want to help spread awareness and stomp out the stigma associated with mental health issues (not just maternal). Bottom line, I’m trying to prevent other moms from suffering the way that I had suffered.
Back during my school days, I was a victim of prejudism and bullying, and now I’m an anti-bullying advocate. I want to do what I can to make a difference for children and teenagers who feel alone in their experience, lack self esteem, and don’t know where to go for support–all of which describes the nightmare of my teenage years, from the time I started 7th grade until I left for college. Bottom line, I’m trying to prevent other youth from suffering the way that I had suffered.
As I conclude this post, I just wanted to ask that we all hold our loved ones closer as we struggle to process this senseless tragedy. If you’re wondering, like I’m wondering, how we can put an end to tragic suicides and shootings in our schools, ask yourselves:
- Do we want to end bullying and bullycides? If so, then realize we have the power to make a difference….don’t just continue to sit there and complain about the incidents of bullying and bullycide. Let’s work within our communities to come up with ways to prevent these incidents from happening. We can’t wait for schools to do it because schools are dependent on budgets, and as we all know, budgets now are being cut down to the lowest levels ever. We have to think outside the box. Where it concerns the safety of our children, we can no longer tolerate the “Oh, but we can’t establish anti-bullying / empathy programs because it will cost us money that we don’t have” attitudes we’ve had for years. If it takes state anti-bullying laws to be passed, like in New Jersey, then so be it. If state laws are not passed, then we need to work with the Board of Education and district schools to incorporate empathy in each school’s curriculum and/or establish empathy programs for all school-age children from Kindergarten through 12th grade.
- Do we teach our kids to treat others as we would want to be treated ourselves? If so, then be a positive role model and lead by example. Model empathy in our daily interactions with others. Have your child be kind to and accepting of his/her fellow students, and avoid excluding others because that, after all, is a form of bullying. Encourage him/her to stand up for others who are being bullied, rather than acting as merely a bystander.
- Do we want to help our children/teens find the right help/support when we realize they are experiencing challenges in school and/or emotional/behavioral issues (e.g., lack of self esteem, depression, cutting, eating disorders)? If so, then we need to find the right resources (i.e., counseling, mental health professionals, online support) for him/her as soon as possible. Do not assume that it must just be some passing phase/part of growing up, being in denial that your child may need such help. DO NOT WAIT and think that things will resolve on their own because they WON’T. Put aside any qualms about stigma relating to mental health issues, as it’s not going to help your child.
We need to strive to make our schools safe for our children and for the staff to whom we entrust the care of our children. In the words of our President: “We’re going to have to come together and take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this, regardless of the politics.” Granted, we are no doubt in need of stricter regulations that will help prevent the wrong people from getting access to guns. But much more importantly, we are in dire need when it comes to improvements in mental healthcare. Former First Lady Mr. Rosalynn Carter’s book “WITHIN OUR REACH: Ending the Mental Health Crisis” is a must read if you want to get a better understanding of the reality of our mental healthcare system as it stands today. I’m sure there are many other books that can be read about this, but her book was the only one I’ve read (she signed my copy of it at the Postpartum Support International and Marce Society conference I attended in 2010). It’s a quick read and does a very good job summarizing today’s state of affairs. This article I just stumbled across on Alternet.com titled “In the Wake of Another Mass Shooting, Let’s Talk About America’s Dangerously Gutted Mental Healthcare System,” by Lynn Stuart Parramore is also a must-read.
WE NEED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Or we are going to continue to see bullying and cyberbullying–and unfortunately shootings–claiming the lives of innocent young people.