I love the following:

After all, it’s not enough to care for the child: the village needs to care for the parents as well, by creating a place where support can be offered and information can be shared. It’s such a simple idea: investing in parents and children. And the dividends are incredible: brighter futures, happier families, stronger and more stable communities.

The article doesn’t touch on what happens when the stress of being a first-time mother, as well as inadequate social support, can be a major factor in postpartum depression (PPD). I devote a whole chapter in my book on the topic of social support–including what it entails and the history of it in this country (including the whole “village” approach of older generations) versus other countries–and many other relevant details including biopsychosocial risk factors of PPD, and advice–all of which I wish I had known about BEFORE I had my baby.  Having that knowledge might have prevented me from succumbing to PPD.  Consider buying a copy (soft cover, e-book and hard cover versions available for purchase via Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers).  Thank you! 

Back in August 2010, a bill referred to as “An Act Relative to Postpartum Depression” was passed and went into effect in Massachusetts. Click here for my previous post on this.  Today, there was a Boston Globe article titled “All mothers need to be screened for postpartum depression” posted by Marjorie Pritchard that provides an update on the state’s progress.  Although funding for the heart of the bill–universal screening and public awareness initiatives–has been practically non-existent, progress is being made that includes the state Department of Public Health issuing regulations on best practices and data collection for screening. 

Additionally, the mission of a 34-person Commission chaired by Emily Story (Democratic state representative from Amherst), and made up of health care providers, insurance representatives, survivors, legislators and state agency representatives–among many others–is to come up with best practices in screening/referrals/treatment, public awareness, and education of healthcare professionals.  Basically, the development of systemic solutions to postpartum depression so desperately needed to help women and their families get the help they need when it comes to an illness that strikes so many new mothers.

It’s certainly encouraging to see such progress–albeit slow and steeped with challenges (in the form of funding and the state of the economy and health insurance)–in Massachusetts.  Before the end of this decade, I’d like to see all 50 states working to achieve the same goals with respect to maternal (and family) well-being !

Whether you celebrate Lunar New Year or not, it’s close enough to the actual Western calendar that welcomed its new year only 23 days ago for you to observe this as yet another opportunity to bid adieu to the old and usher in the new.  Chinese traditional new year customs include cleaning one’s home, a symbolic sweeping out of the old year to welcome the new year.  I only wish I were motivated to do that today.  It’s hard when you’re bummed about how the snowstorm and ice foiled our family’s plans to celebrate today with relatives.  Boo to winter, snow, ice, sleet….! 

So, here I am, unmotivated to do much of anything, and I’m on Twitter.  I’ve been slowing getting back up to speed on Twitter these past couple of weeks, and I’ll have to say that if it weren’t for my new iPhone, I wouldn’t be.  Yes, the iPhone has actually made it possible for my return to Twitter!  Wahoo!  So, I am able to tweet before and after work and on weekends, time permitting.  With Twitter, I actually get access to some very interesting articles. 

The interesting reading I stumbled across was a Time article titled “The Parenting Trap: Why You Shouldn’t Care What Others Think of How You Raise Your Kids” by Bonnie Rochman. It grabbed my intention instantly and got my writing juices flowing…and hence, this blog post. This is a topic very near and dear to my heart. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll recall that I’ve previously blogged about competitive parenting.  You’ll also know that I’ve fessed up many a time about my low self confidence.  As I’ve known and as this article confirms, low self confidence (or low self esteem) doesn’t help when you feel that you’re surrounded by judgmental, competitive parents.

Who hasn’t worried about what the neighbors think of your chaotic attempt to get everyone out the door in the morning with homework and lunch in tow, or how teachers and other parents might judge the brands of clothing or food you buy?

Being good parents, it seems, is all about balancing these pressures and knowing which ones are worth sweating about. New research finds that having high self-imposed standards can actually be beneficial, while caring what other playground parents think about the stroller you push or your decision to not buy organic milk may in fact undermine your confidence and up your stress levels.

Which brings to mind another interesting article from Time that dates back to October 2010. It ‘s an oldie but a goodie.  It’s titled “Mompetition”: Why You Just Can’t Make Mom Friends and I’d like to end this post with the video that’s highlighted in that article.  It cracked me up (it’s a video created by Valerie Stone Hawthorne who is mentioned in the article).  Enjoy!

 

Remember this…..
Life, and all that it’s comprised of, is not all black and white with nothing in-between.  It’s all different shades.  When it comes to parenting, there is no one right approach.  It’s not all black and white, and as such, the last thing people should do is pass judgment on others.  While you can’t control what other people do, you, my friend, can do yourself a favor if you currently fall under the societal-oriented parenting perfectionist bucket.  Stand firm. Don’t let what other people say or do get to you.  I know it’s hard. It’s been hard for me.  If someone tries to one-up you (the video has some juicy examples), don’t let that bring you down.  Don’t think you are less of a parent than they are.  Walk away from the situation.  Refuse to play the silly one-up game.  Plus, who wants to listen to the continued bragging, anyway? 

Out with the old you who might crumble and get all bent out of shape over a one-upper or judgmental parent. 
In with the new you who would hold your chin up high and–like the 2nd woman in the video–walk away from the situation, maintaining calm and keeping the mantra of “Everyone parents differently. I’m doing a great job. No one’s going to make me feel otherwise.”

This leads to parents with babies in the NICU not only being inconvenienced, but stressed out more than they already were because they couldn’t visit their babies without having security guards getting in their way.  Parents like Neil Coulon (just one of  the 3 examples I’ve read about) who was supposedly prevented from visiting his preemie twins in the NICU over the past weekend, couldn’t walk the floors without bumping into and being questioned by security guards, and whose visitors got booted out of the waiting room by those security guards. 

I just can’t believe Lenox Hill Hospital would allow something like this to happen.  It’s one thing to have security guards in front of Beyonce’s room.  It’s another thing entirely when they take over an entire floor that includes the NICU!  Money or no money, Lenox Hill Hospital should have taken all the other parents and their babies into consideration.   Seems the hospital forgot its other patients in the face of such celebrity presence…oh, and the $1.3 million.  If this is in fact true, then shame on them!

It is critical that parents be able to visit their babies in the NICU….both for the babies’ sake and for the parents’ sake.  The babies need to feel their parents’ loving touches, albeit through glass and gloves…while the parents need to be by their babies’ sides physically and emotionally.  As I mentioned in previous posts about postpartum depression risk ractors, the new mom with a baby in the NICU is at heightened risk to the high levels of stress that persists for as long as the baby is in critical condition.  Click here and here .

Hell, this couple is so loaded, why couldn’t they just pay Beyonce’s OB/GYN and staff to go to her house and deliver the baby there?  Oh, that’s right….she had a C-section, which probably requires special equipment in the standard OR (and to reduce the risk of something going wrong and the subsequent lawsuit).  If she hadn’t opted for a C-section, a midwife (or Beyonce’s OB/GYN and some nurses) could’ve performed an in-home delivery.

If I were a new mom in the hospital and my baby was in the NICU and I was prohibited from visiting my baby–and God forbid I couldn’t get to the baby and the baby was experiencing a setback–my husband and I would’ve contacted a lawyer by now.

[WARNING:  I realize that there are moms out there suffering from a postpartum mood disorder that should not be reading articles that will only cause them further distress.  So, if you are currently suffering from a postpartum mood disorder, you should probably wait until you are feeling more strong before reading the following post.]   

Yep, here we go again.  Another case of stigma and ignorance skipping along, hand-in-hand, with the mindset of an innocent child, with limited maturity, experience, and know-how.   A case of instinct to judge, label, hate and turn a blind eye.  The primitive reflex of wanting to see justice done regardless of what the circumstances truly are.   I could picture this blogger (and someone else who posted a comment in her favor)–and just about everyone else who is as ignorant as her and chooses to stay that way–picking up stones and wanting to hurl them at any mom whose circumstances may follow that of an Andrea Yates–who had postpartum psychosis.  Remember the recent cases of women getting stoned to death over in the Middle East?  How we were all horrified at the injustice of it all.  And yet here we are judging and passing on guilty verdicts, regardless of circumstances?

Here’s the comment I posted on the woman’s blog:

Firstly, let me just say that everyone is allowed to wonder things, especially when you don’t have any personal experience with an illness such as postpartum depression–or in the cases you cite (Andrea Yates, Otty Sanchez), postpartum psychosis–AND you’re not a medical/mental health professional.  But let’s just get something straight here.  There is a HUGE difference between postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum psychosis.  I blogged about this very thing back in Sept ’10 when certain comments–comments made out of ignorance– rubbed me the wrong way.  It’s not through your fault or the public’s fault that there is not a whole lot of knowledge about perinatal mood disorders out there.  But it’s the lack of awareness that is causing the general population to have misconceptions, which can be very dangerous.  Dangerous in that mothers who suffer from a perinatal mood disorder suffer the consequence (e.g., fear of getting help, fear of being labeled another Andrea Yates when in fact Andrea had postpartum psychosis, far rarer than PPD). And that really pisses me off.  These misconceptions cause a vicious cycle of ignorance and incorrect generalizations and assumptions–such as moms deliberately setting out to use PPD (not even the right term illness) to escape punishment for killing their babies.  Before you go running around proclaiming that the mother who is devastated by a horrible illness such as postpartum psychosis and in rare instances may kill her baby deserves to be put to death herself, become knowledgeable about postpartum psychosis.  So, please read the article by Katherine Stone (that link was provided via a tweet today), and please read this: http://ivysppdblog.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/postpartum-psychosis-know-the-facts-and-stop-judging-based-on-ignorance/

 There is a whole lot more to it than you think.

We need to open our eyes.  Really know the facts before we start labeling, judging, and hating. 

Come join the 4th of a series of teleconferences offered by SPARKS to help new moms learn coping skills, gain support, and join together with other new moms.  Here are the Call-In Details:

• 9:00 PM – 10:00 PM EST 
• Dial-in Number and Password: 718-873-0922, Dial 9, PIN #2757
• Led by the motivational speaker and SPARKS Clinical Supervisor, Rus Devorah Wallen, ACSW

For more information about SPARKS or the Confidential Crisis Hotline, please call 718-2-SPARKS (718-277-2757) or visit the SPARKS website. This teleconference is completely confidential.

Feel free to invite other mommy friends to join!   Please spread the word!

Granted, my work hours are such that I only have evenings and weekends to keep up with social media efforts.  I can’t tweet during work hours because I don’t have access and I would lose my job if I did.  I don’t have time to visit anyone’s blogs, so keeping up with and developing relationships with other bloggers has been nearly impossible.  Though I am a strong writer, I am not like some of the other writers out there who write so brilliantly that I get goose bumps from reading their work.  Writers such as the ones who were recognized by Katherine Stone as the Top 20 PPD bloggers of 2011.  Writing is a craft, and these women have mastered it.  I salute these women for their honest, open, beautiful and inspirational writing.

I saw a post today on Facebook from a friend of mine.  He does what I wish I could do.  He saves lives.  He works in an emergency room. He is able to deal with what I can’t deal with.  Urgent situations while staying calm and collected.  Seeing very traumatic injuries while not letting it get the better of you. Going to this on a day-to-day basis and not let past negative experiences keep you from doing your job.  In fact, the comment I left for him earlier today said “Only certain people can handle these situations on a day-to-day basis. Thank God for people like you. I certainly would not be able to.”   And what was his response?  ”Ivy, everyone has gifts. I admire the work you do.”  To which I said “Oh, pleeeeaaaaase.”  And his response:  “IVY! A book! A blog! Helping….women! That’s a gift.”

Sometimes my friend can be a bit sarcastic; hence, the words left out of the last sentence.  Anyway, getting back to what I was saying before.  My self esteem–or lack thereof–is such that I find myself struggling with keeping it from tanking, be it at work, in social situations, and with the work I do outside of work (i.e., my blog, my book).  It doesn’t help that, culturally speaking, I already have the inclination to be, um, modest.   I am a 1st generation Chinese (1st generation living in the U.S.) who can speak Mandarin fluently and possess 2 out of the 3 main attributes of the typical Chinese individual (honesty and humility).  Humility will not, unfortunately, help me to get copies of my book sold (and in so doing help spread awareness of the most common complication of childbirth that is still so misunderstood/undertreated and stigmatized all around the world), so I need to really ramp up my speaking skills and fear of public speaking…. and quick.  I need to do radio shows, book signings, book readings, etc.   But I’m just one big scaredy cat. 

What’s the 3rd attribute of a typical Chinese individual?   It’s keeping one’s emotions and thoughts to onself.  Here’s where I part ways from the typical Chinese individual.  I don’t keep my emotions and thoughts to myself.  I put all–or rather, practically all–my thoughts out there on Facebook.  I blog.  I have a book that shares all my thoughts and experiences while suffering from PPD. I keep telling myself that a PPD book written by a Chinese woman could potentially appeal—and appeal strongly—to audiences all over the world.  Why?  Well, first of all, PPD is an illness experienced by women worldwide.  Second, it’s a fairly big deal for ANY woman to share their PPD story, let alone a woman of Asian ethnicity, since people of Asian ethnicity are not particularly prone to or fond of speaking up or out.  They tend to keep their emotions bottled up and thoughts and experiences to themselves.  I could be starting a trend with Asian folks….that would be SO AWESOME! 

I really need all the luck I can get at this point…to leave my self esteem issues and humility behind and adopt the voice behind “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood,” a voice that Jane Honikman, Founder of Postpartum Support International describes as being “strong, loud, and clear…..and through the written words on each page you can hear her roar.”

I have learned a tremendous amount about myself, about perinatal disorders, and about publishing during this journey.  I’ve also learned how challenging it really is to get a book published.  Without a whole lot of personal guidance from anyone, I saw my book from start to finish.  As with anything in life–be it motherhood, your career, or getting a book published–it helps to have a mentor or two along the way.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had luck finding any mentors of any kind in my life. Granted, I did have some help, but a MENTOR would have made such a huge difference.  Why is it that it’s so gosh darned hard to find mentors is beyond me.  But you know what?  I made the most of the limited resources I had….and I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

I encourage all you moms who are suffering or have survived from postpartum depression (PPD), to add your book to the small number of books about PPD survivors. Yes, there are books out there about PPD, but they are for the most part written by health practitioners….or celebrities like Marie Osmond and Brooke Shields (hardly representative of the average mama).  There is a lack of personal stories of survival in book form…and I would love to see a growth in the numbers of mamas willing to add their names to the list of authors of books on PPD!

As such, if you are interested in writing a book about your PPD story but are unsure how to get started (or have some questions or would like some advice), please do not hesitate to drop me a comment, and I will email you back and we’ll see what I can do to help you start your journey to becoming an author!

With the completion of this book, I am now moving on to my next one…on a topic I’m also passionate about!  Will share more details when I’m ready!