Since the new year began, I’ve had several situations loom over my head like a dark, ominous cloud. All sorts of situations that I won’t get into detail here. I’ve posted recently about and shared with friends in recent weeks the fact that I seem to have reached a turning point with the publication of my book. A turning point in which I promised myself I would no longer let ghosts of my past continue to keep their stronghold over me. My personal mantra has become “If I survived postpartum depression (PPD), I can survive most anything.”
In essence, ever since the start of this year–and it’s merely a coincidence that I’m vowing to stay on this path right now, at the beginning of 2013, but this is NOT any kind of new year’s resolution because I never make any–it’s like I’ve been self administering cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) by realizing how certain ways of thinking and behavior are self-defeating and highly detrimental to me and then telling myself to think and respond differently. Basically, I’m going to be more self nurturing. Because, you know what? I’M WORTH IT.
So, what exactly am I going to do differently? Well, for starters:
- I am going to say what’s on my mind when people say obnoxious things to me. I used to hold back, only to kick myself afterwards for doing so.
- I’m not going to let old crippling thoughts take control of me, like automatically thinking “Why me” and retreating under my covers (both figuratively and literally) in despair.
- I’m not automatically going to cower in defeat like a dog with its tail between its legs when I experience ANY kind of bullying–whether it be at work or online. By “any” kind of bullying, I mean isolation tactics too, as excluding people deliberately is a form of bullying.
- I am going to continue my mission in maternal mental health advocacy, of helping moms feel less alone in their PPD experience through this blog. I may be writing less frequently because, as time goes on, the anger that ignited the passion in this blog is waning. Yes, anger used to fuel the stream of words that easily appeared in my blog posts. Without anger, there is no passion. Without passion, words fail me.
- I would like to increase my efforts when it comes to anti-bullying advocacy and providing support to teens struggling with issues of self esteem and bullying (support I needed but never got when I was a teenager). For example, on January 30th, I learned about Noah’s struggle, and I immediately started to write a letter to him and didn’t stop that evening until I completed it. I know and am very happy that so many caring individuals have written to Noah. You can still do so. He is turning 13 on Friday, February 8th. Click here to see the Letters for Noah Facebook page where you can find out how you can help.
- And last, but certainly not least, I am not going to let my fear of speaking prevent me from speaking in front of people–be it on PPD (and my book) and/or on bullying. They say some people fear public speaking more than they fear death. Well, while that may not necessarily be the case for me, it comes pretty darn close. I’ve been and will continue to keep the valuable tips I gleaned from Nicole of NWK Consultants in mind during speaking opportunities.
Basically, I am determined not to have any reason for karma to come biting me in the a$$ one day. I want to live out the rest of my days knowing that I will do the best I can for my family, myself and whoever else I can help along the way. I want to provide the kind of help I didn’t have when I was a teen and then a new mom struggling with PPD–both situations in which I felt alone and desperate.
This sign, which I stumbled across on Facebook and pinned a couple days ago, says it all for me. I keep these words firmly engrained in my mind whenever there is a hint of thought that wants to derail my self esteem and put me on the glass half empty train.
If the words of this sign pertain to you, may it give you the strength to carry on as it is helping me.
BE PROUD OF YOURSELF.