Wake-up call for new moms who feel “off” for days after childbirth (and family members of these moms)

I’m finally blogging again after a slight reprieve from being unbelievably busy for weeks with work and then vacation and then feverishly cleaning my house for guests coming over (if I had more time to clean regularly cleaning wouldn’t be such a big deal).  Also, I am in the process of slowly transitioning off of the laptop I’ve had for over 8 years, so every single tab I’ve had open (which is a lot) need to be closed, obviously.  These tabs have been open for months for me to blog about and/or read but just haven’t had the time to do.  So, here I am trying to get through as many articles as possible.

Many of the tabs had stories about moms who died from severe postpartum depression (PPD), so I decided to blog about the deaths of FOUR moms who suffered from severe postpartum depression (PPD).  These are just four of the deaths from a postpartum mood disorder that have occurred since 2016.  There have been others, but these are the only ones other than the D’Achilles story (which I mentioned back in May) that I have come across in my daily news feeds because loved ones of these women have spoken up  and shared their stories so that others would not suffer such experiences.

In a Good Housekeeping article published on May 19, 2017 by Andrea Stanley titled “The Voice That Said ‘I’m a Bad Mom’ Killed My Wife,” Greg Ludlam opens up about the severe postpartum depression that took the life of his wife Elizabeth on June 1, 2016.  When their second child was around one year old, something about Elizabeth seemed off.  She wasn’t herself.  Little things set her off.  She withdrew from friends and neighbors.  She started saying and believing she was a bad mom.  There was no longer any joy or enthusiasm in things that used to make her happy. She got angry over things at work when she was never previously that way.  These are all trademark symptoms of PPD but Greg had no idea that his wife was suffering from it.  He has had to cope with the guilt of not picking up on what was going on and getting professional help.

Greg Ludlam urges the significant others of new mothers to do the following:

“….[If] you see something not right with your wife or partner, you need to get help right away from a medical professional who specializes in mental health care.  I’m not talking about tomorrow or next week — now.”

He also urges new moms to do the following:

“For anyone who is reading this and you’re feeling overwhelmed or you’re feeling like a bad mom or you’re feeling like a lousy wife, or just feeling unloved and alone — you’re not. You’re not a bad mom. You’re not a lousy wife. You’re not unloved and alone. There’s help. You need to reach out to a qualified mental health doctor right now.”

In a CTV News article published on January 18, 2017 titled “B.C. widower urges moms suffering postpartum depression: ‘Please seek help ‘” Kim Chen opens up about the severe PPD that took the life of his wife, Florence Leung shortly after she gave birth to their son in October 2016.   She had gone missing shortly after giving birth to her son and her body was pulled from the water near an island close to Vancouver, British Columbia.  Florence was being treated for PPD before her disappearance.  Chen urges new moms who feel anxious and/or experiencing low mood to seek help and share their feelings.  He mentions there is a too much pressure and too many misconceptions regarding breastfeeding, as the hospital where they delivered the baby had Breast is Best materials that reiterated over & over how breast milk should be the only food for babies for the first six months.  He realizes the benefits of breast milk but at the same time believes formula is totally fine as either a supplement or replacement for breast milk.  It should be a personal choice and dependent on circumstances.

Chen wants new mothers to know:

“Do not EVER feel bad or guilty about not being able to “exclusively breastfeed”, even though you may feel the pressure to do so based on posters in maternity wards, brochures in prenatal classes, and teachings at breastfeeding classes.”

In a Her View from Home article published in September 2016 titled “New Mom Takes Her Own Life After Silent Battle With Postpartum Depression: Why All of Us Must Share Her Friend’s Plea,” author Julie Anne Waterfield  opens up about the severe PPD that took the life of her friend Allison on June 28, 2016.  Allison leaves behind her husband and daughter.  Julie wants people to know that there is nothing shameful about PPD.  The transition to being a mother can be very difficult and it is important to get help from your husband/partner, friends, relatives (and if you’re not feeling yourself, seek help from a counselor and/or support group).  The road to motherhood is not always smooth or peachy.  For some new mothers (like me), the road is very difficult–not to mention lonely and for first-time moms uncertain, guilt-ridden and downright scary.  For these mothers, not having a birth and postpartum experience as they envisioned it *should* be makes them feel ashamed.

Julie wants new mothers to know:

“To all those mothers out there experiencing some of these same feelings: you are not alone, and you are not a bad mother!  PPD is lying to you.  It is twisting your memories, feelings, and beliefs and reshaping them into an overwhelming falsehood.  You will not be judged, only loved, as you seek help.  To those breast-feeding mothers taking Reglan (metoclopramide) to increase milk supply: stop and do research. Reglan has detrimental side effects such as new or worsening depression, suicidal ideation and suicide.  Supplement with formula if needed.  Your baby will be just as perfect and healthy with or without the breast milk.  Having more breast milk is not worth sacrificing your mental health or possibly your life.”

And finally in a The Hour article published by Kaitlyn Krasselt on September 8, 2017 titled “Norwalk sisters raising awareness about postpartum depression, suicide,” the sisters of Kara Kovlakas open up about the severe PPD that took Kara’s life (one day before she was to turn 33) on October 13, 2016, nine months after giving birth to her 2nd child.  Kara’s family created the Light for Kara website in her memory and to help raise awareness about postpartum mood disorders.  Kara had suffered from depression and anxiety before she had children.  Within 7 months after giving birth, her thoughts started to become jumbled and she couldn’t think clearly. She had doubts that she was a good parent.  A dark cloud followed her everywhere. She couldn’t see the positives, only the negatives each day. She had been seeking outpatient treatment for her depression and anxiety, and kept insisting to her family that she was getting better.  From the outside, she looked fine to everyone.  But taking her own life was something that her family and friends never expected.

Kara’s sister, Lauren Shrage, wants people to know:

“This is a real mental illness. The shame new moms feel about needing to reach out for help is real. As a new mom, you’re expected to have it all together. We’re all new moms too and the only thing anyone ever mentioned to me about postpartum depression was a pamphlet in the folder I took home from the hospital. That’s not enough.”

Please take these experiences to heart. Share them with others. We need to de-stigmatize PPD by being open about it and avoid being judgmental. Remember that not all postpartum experiences are peachy, and that one in seven new mothers experience a postpartum mood disorder. Let’s keep a close eye on the new moms in our lives.  Offer them help, not criticism. Don’t help push a new mom over the edge with Breast is Best or other one-size-fits-all tactics.  ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.  Everyone is different.  Everyone’s childbirth and postpartum experiences are different. We want mothers AND babies to thrive, not die.

If you or a loved one doesn’t seem to be herself for days after childbirth, reach out and ask her to share about her postpartum experience with you and/or a health practitioner.  Getting help can mean life or death, as you can see from this blog post.  Postpartum Support International has a warmline (800-944-4773) and a listing of local resources to help with finding local help.  Reach out to me by leaving a comment below and I can respond via email.

Did you know that you can text 741741 when you are feeling really depressed or suicidal? A crisis worker will text you.  It’s a free service by The Crisis Text Hotline! (Only in the US).  Texting has proven to be a more preferred way of reaching out for and getting help.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7. If you or a loved one needs help right now, call 1-800-273-8255.  It’s confidential and provides a network of over 140 crisis centers nationwide.    You can also visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

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