On October 26th, I found out that a friend and wonderfully passionate and caring postpartum depression (PPD) advocate and blogger passed away over the weekend.
Her name was Amber Koter Puline.
I was shocked. Heartbroken. I haven’t really been able to process this over the past 5 days. I’ve only blogged 4 times since last August, but I felt the need to blog about this, to pay tribute to her.
I’m having a hard time conveying my feelings right now. I don’t think anything I write will adequately convey what this loss really means to me and so many people who were fortunate to have known her, loved her, befriended her, and been helped by her. Although my words don’t flow as beautifully as they do for those who are naturally gifted in writing, my intentions and feelings are genuine.
I met Amber almost exactly 10 years ago today at the annual Postpartum Support International (PSI) conference, which took place from October 27-30, 2010 in Pittsburgh. I remember feeling so excited to meet her and 2 other fellow PPD bloggers–Lauren Hale and Katherine Stone–at that conference. I greatly admired them all. Amber for her Beyond Postpartum blog and her work facilitating postpartum support groups and helping connect mothers with resources in the Atlanta area. Lauren for her My Postpartum Voice blog and her work with PPDChat on Twitter. And Katherine Stone for her very well-known blog Postpartum Progress. Between the time I first started blogging in February 2009 and for a year or two after that, we were the only individual bloggers whose blogs were focused specifically on PPD and other postpartum mood disorders (e.g., postpartum psychosis, postpartum OCD, postpartum anxiety). We used to run ideas by each other. The three of them inspired me.
Anger from my PPD experience helped my words flow freely, which is why I used to write frequent blog posts. Words used to flow from my head, out through my fingertips, onto the keyboard, and onto the computer screen whenever something fired me up that was PPD-related. That process helped promote healing. Ever since my anger dissipated in 2018, I’ve been at a loss for words and the desire to blog. This sudden loss of Amber, after not really being in touch with her much for the past few years, fills me with much regret. I’ve decided to channel this regret into positive action. So, just as Amber inspired me to blog 11 years ago, she is now inspiring me to take up blogging again.
Starting now and ending next October, I will write a blog post at least once a month in dedication to you, Amber, my friend and fellow PPD survivor mama. You helped so many mamas over the years that there is so much good karma because of you! Even though you are not physically with us, we know your spirit will continue to be with us as we find ways to keep that positive momentum going in your memory, like helping a new mother who is struggling, spreading awareness about PPD and/or donating to one of the following 2 organizations in your name:
Yes, I will do this in your memory, Amber.