The Realities of Postpartum

I just realized I was supposed to blog again in September (my Sept post was meant for Aug), as I’d promised I would blog at least once a month from October 2020-October 2021.  So, this blog post is to make up for September, and I will be posting again for World Mental Health Day 2021.

Today, I’m going to blog about the importance of ALL information relevant to a new mother’s well-being.  I was pleased to see Good Morning America’s piece titled “Moms get real about what it’s like postpartum: ‘I felt like I got hit by a bus.'”  dated September 30, 2021.  I love that there is “real” talk about the realities of postpartum.  That is essentially the motivation and focus of my book, which I’d published back in 2011 because not enough people were talking about the realities of postpartum.  While my book uses the terms “hit from left field with PPD” and “PPD hits you like a ton of bricks” in Chapter 3 (Knowledge is Power), the general idea is the same, and it wouldn’t be so bad if more people talk about the realities of postpartum.  The 2 mothers in the article (Maria Alcoke and Jenny Laroche) share my desire to help educate other women so they can avoid the kind of negative experiences we had.  I mean, with knowledge, we have the the power to minimize fears and anxieties that come with first-time motherhood, as well as to get help EARLY.

Just like my book, the article mentions that there is plenty of information out there about preparing to become a mother, about pregnancy, and about baby care, but there isn’t a whole lot about the realities of the postpartum period, like hair loss, recovery from childbirth, anxiety with caring for a baby for the first time, societal expectation that the postpartum period is just for physical recovery from childbirth, and difficulties with breastfeeding–just to name a few.  For Laroche, who experienced heavy hair loss (“I had no idea that you lose so much hair. No one warned me,” said Laroche, who said she felt “like a passenger in my own body” postpartum) and was concerned about even the most basic of body functions, like bowel movements, these completely normal experiences wouldn’t have been so traumatizing and isolating had she known what to expect by talking about it with other mothers or reading about it.  Why are people so afraid to talk about their real experiences?  Is it fear of being shamed?  Judged by others? Not living up to their dream of being a perfect mother?  Wanting to maintain the notion that pregnancy and motherhood are always blissful experiences?  What I want to know is why people insist on keeping up these false notions.

Alcoke shares:

When talking [in] women’s circles and just talking with your friends and sharing experiences, you never want to scare someone away, right? People don’t necessarily want to hear that, like, ‘Oh did you hear about the vaginal tear that I had?’ but it’s part of the process. It happens. It’s super common.

These are things I touch on in my book in my Chapter 6 (My Postpartum Period – An Exhausting and Uncertain Experience) where I talk about Interrupted Sleep/Sleep Deprivation, Startle/Moro Reflex, Colic, Nasty Eczema and Cradle Cap, My Hair Loss, and Returning to Work.  I also talk about the realities of pregnancy, childbirth and the fact that breastfeeding isn’t always instinctive in Chapter 8.  Here’s an excerpt from my Knowledge is Power chapter:

It’s only natural for you to not want to hear about anything that could go wrong during the postpartum period. You may have enough pregnancy-related concerns as it is, with things like nausea, difficulty sleeping, getting everything ready for the baby’s arrival, spotting, cramping, bloating, preeclampsia, etc. I mean, who wants to look forward to her baby’s birth with anything other than positive thoughts? And who wants to think about something you’re convinced won’t happen to you? It’s natural to deal with concerns as they arise rather than worry about something that more than likely would not happen anyway. But remember that a cross-that-bridge-when-you-get-to-it mentality won’t help you if, once you cross that bridge, PPD hits you like a ton of bricks—suddenly and quite mercilessly.

and

From seeing the happy moms around you to those on the television and in magazines, you look forward to your future with your baby with joyful anticipation, thinking that, with happy thoughts, there will only be happy days ahead. And just because you never hear anyone you know talk about having PPD, it doesn’t mean no one you know has ever suffered from it. A friend, relative, colleague, or neighbor may one day suffer—or at this moment could be suffering—from PPD, and you may never even know it because she doesn’t know what is wrong with her and is ashamed to let anyone know that she is unable to enjoy her baby as she’d dreamed she would. No woman is completely immune from PPD after having a baby. With the right combination of risk factors and stressors, any woman—even you—could end up suffering from it.

The Good Morning America piece also touches on the fact that a woman’s body goes through huge changes that–besides the size of the belly–aren’t necessarily visible to an observer.  These changes are hormonal and even neurochemical.  And yet women are sent home from the hospital a couple days after childbirth to recover and with a newborn to take care of (in addition to possibly other kids)!  Everyone recovers in different ways, lengths of time, etc.  Most mothers experience postpartum blues (not the same thing as postpartum depression – which I talk about in Chapter 8 of my book) due to the huge hormonal changes that come with childbirth.  But a percentage (up to 20%) of new mothers experience postpartum depression (PPD), which is a general term for when there is a postpartum mood disorder.  What the article doesn’t mention is that there is also postpartum anxiety, postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder, and postpartum psychosis.

The piece also touches on the fact that new mothers are setting themselves up for huge disappointment if they assume that, when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum, things will turn out the way they plan.  No amount of books/information and staying on top of details is going to fully prepare you for all the variables that include the way a woman’s body responds to childbirth, the huge hormonal swings from pregnancy and childbirth, and the baby’s personality and development…..just to name a few.  When it comes to having a baby, the more you want control of a situation, the greater your struggle will be if the results are not what you expect.

This is an excerpt from my book:

Being a first-time mother, you learn the ropes as you go. Practice makes perfect. But mothers with perfectionist or control-freak tendencies find it particularly hard to adapt to the fact that much of their motherhood experience is one in which mistakes will be made and it isn’t possible to have complete control of your life when you have an infant. Those who set high expectations and have specific thoughts of how their childbirth and motherhood experiences should be are setting themselves up for disappointment when their expectations are not met.

The article also touches on the fact that postpartum care in the U.S. is lacking.  Once the baby is born, all the attention turns to the baby, and it seems everyone forgets about the mother.  The article mentions that, in 2018, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) released new guidelines to help encourage more postpartum care.  Six weeks used to be the standard for the first new mother visit with her OB-GYN.  ACOG now recommends that new mothers contact their OB-GYN within the first 3 weeks after delivery, and that care should continue on an ongoing basis, ending with a “comprehensive postpartum visit no later than 12 weeks after birth.”  I believe the reason for this is for OB-GYN’s to assess if the new mother has any symptoms of a postpartum mood disorder.

Postpartum care for the new mother has been completely lacking in the U.S.  I discuss this in detail in Chapter 9 of my book.  Chapter 9 sections include these sections:
  • First Few Days at Home … Now What?
  • New Moms Need Nurturing Too
  • What Is Social Support?

I’ve blogged about social support in great detail previously here and here.  Hugely ignored is the importance of emotional and practical support during the first four to six weeks postpartum to enable the new mother to get the rest she needs while she is recovering from childbirth and at her most vulnerable, thereby minimizing her risk for PPD. A support network should be set up before the baby arrives. Be prepared to have support with how to soothe a crying baby, how to cope with reflux and colic, how to identify and deal with eczema and cradle cap, and how to deal with food allergies, etc. Not being prepared for these challenges and having to figure out how to deal with them via pure trial and error can cause anxiety levels to skyrocket.

Traumatic Childbirth: The Ever-Widening Ripple Effect

Piggybacking off of my last blog post “Mother May I?” – An Important Documentary About Childbirth Trauma 2 days ago, I wanted to make folks aware about a childbirth-trauma-related event that I spotted on my Facebook feed today.

LMR Visioning Educational Series 2017

Sonia Murdoch, Jane Honikman, and me

The Lisa Mary Reilly Visioning Educational Series hosts an annual event in collaboration with the Postpartum Resource Center of New York.  Last year, I attended the event that took place in Manhattan and featured Jane Honikman, founder of Postpartum Support International.

This year’s event will be co-hosted by The Rochester Postpartum Wellness Coalition and will take place on Thursday, May 3, 2018, from 11:00 am-2:00 pm, at the Rochester Academy of Medicine, Rochester, NY.  The guest speaker of this event will be Cheryl Tatano Beck, DNSc, CNM, FAAN. She a Distinguished Professor at the University of Connecticut School of Nursing.  Dr. Beck serves on the editorial boards of 4 journals and has published over 150 scientific articles as well as 4 books.  The title of her presentation is Traumatic Childbirth: The Ever Widening Ripple Effect.   Click here to find out more about the event and to buy tickets, which are $50 each and includes lunch.

My wish is for every medical professional that treats mothers–from OB/GYN doctors and their staff to maternity ward staff, emergency room staff, midwives, doulas, and family doctors/general practitioners, as well as mental healthcare practitioners–were required to take this kind of training regardless of where they are located. This means this kind of training should be replicated and hosted in every major city in every state.  Until then, we are going to continue to have medical/mental healthcare professionals fail to realize the connection between traumatic childbirth and postpartum mood disorders.

We need to emphasize the importance of care for mothers just as much as people emphasize the importance of care for babies.  As I’ve said before, it just seems so obvious that, once a mother gives birth to a baby, all the attention goes to the baby and its care and the mother falls by the wayside.  Hello, she just carried a child for 9 months and had to give birth! Her body goes through extreme physical changes, including hormonal upheaval.   Any complications that occur during childbirth can increase the chance of a postpartum mood disorder to occur.  The ONLY view that matters on how a childbirth went should be is the new mother’s view on her childbirth experience.  If she feels like it was a God-awful experience, we need to respect, acknowledge and try to understand her feelings.  We should never pooh pooh her experience.  We should never assume her feelings are what you think they ought to be.  A new mother’s experience is her experience, period.

Let’s care more about how a mother views her childbirth experiences.
Let’s care about the kind of care she receives during childbirth.
Let’s care about how she envisions her childbirth to go.
Let’s care about how she feels about breastfeeding.
Let’s care about how anxious she feels about taking care of the baby.
Let’s care about her enough that when she seems to not be herself, we get her the help she needs.
Let’s care enough to realize that about 20% of new mothers experience a postpartum mood disorder that usually starts within the first 4-6 weeks postpartum but can happen up to a year and may be triggered by weaning.
Let’s care about her feelings, bottom line.

 

 

 

“Mother May I?” – An Important Documentary About Childbirth Trauma

A couple of days ago, a link to the Kickstarter project for the documentary “Mother May I” popped up on my Facebook feed, and it instantly caught my eye (and yes, I am one of the many backers and sincerely hope they meet their financial goal in 30 days, so please consider backing too….even $10 would help!).  Why did it catch my eye?  Because I had a traumatic childbirth experience that was the beginning of an agonizing postpartum depression (PPD) journey.  I didn’t have the awareness needed for me to advocate for myself.  There were no patient advocates anywhere along my PPD journey.  I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my experience.  I didn’t have a means of validating what I experienced.  I was in the dark.  I had to learn the hard way.  This is why I blog, why I wrote my book, and why I look for ways to help others and to try to get the word out and raise awareness so fewer mothers will be blindsided the way I was.

About one-third of new mothers describe their childbirth experiences as traumatic, but you hardly ever hear about negative experiences because everyone wants to be like “everyone else” and happily announce that “mother and baby are doing well.”  No one wants to admit to having a negative childbirth experience, just like no one wants to hear about a negative childbirth experience.  And that is why everyone thinks childbirth experiences aren’t that big a deal.

I had previously blogged about negative childbirth experiences via my blog post titled “Forget the Myths, Here are the Realities of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Postpartum Experiences.” It was one of my first blog posts.   The difference between my traumatic childbirth experience and the ones that are the focus of this film is that the ones in the film, like the one experienced by Caroline Malatesta, involve obstetric assault that resulted in both physical and emotional harm to the mother.  That is much, much worse than what I experienced.

What has been completed thus far is 20 hours of footage of interviews of more than 15 experts (including a birth doula, a labor & delivery nurse and psychologist who specializes in posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and survivors of birth trauma.  My plan is to reach out to the Birth Monopoly Foundation folks behind this documentary–including Caroline Malatesta, President, whose own birth trauma story is the impetus behind and featured in this film–and make sure they include the connection between negative childbirth experiences and maternal mental health disorders like PPD.

If you’ve been following my blog for some time, you know that passion for public awareness is one of my focal points.  I am particularly excited to see that funds from the Kickstarter project will help fund online campaigns to provide free information about birth trauma, resources, and legal rights. It will also help fund college outreach initiatives to help get the film (plus guided discussion) into 1,000 college classrooms around the country.  I believe there is no better time to present such information to teens than in colleges.   Colleges are a great way to reach numerous young people at once.  Speaking of which, I had envisioned doing a book reading of my book at my alma mater when it first came out, but I didn’t get very far.  My school is an all-women’s school and what better place to reach so many women at once about PPD!  But my idea didn’t get much interest.  Perhaps I wasn’t reaching out to the right people.   Perhaps I will try again there….and in other colleges as well.

To follow Birth Monopoly on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/birthmonopoly 

 

You have to break through the uncomfortable…Why? Because mothers are dying from postpartum mood disorders

You have to break through the uncomfortable…..We are losing a silent battle that no one wants to talk about.

Amen!  These are the words Brian Gaydos utters when people ask what happened to his beloved wife, Shelane, and his answer “She died from a disease called postpartum depression” makes them uncomfortable.  Discomfort from stigma is what keeps suffering mothers quiet and getting the treatment they need and deserve.

When I read the August 4, 2017 article by Michael Alison Chandler in the Washington Post titled “Maternal depression is getting more attention – but still not enough” and I saw Brian’s words at the end of  the article, I decided I needed to blog about these words and about the tragic death of his wife.  Shelane Gaydos, a 35-year-old mother with 3 daughters, lost a baby in utero at 12 weeks and within 3 weeks died by suicide.  Family members did not realize until a while after her death that she had suffered from postpartum psychosis.  The article mentions, and as statistics have always indicated, women are more likely to attempt suicide during the first year after childbirth than during any other time in their lives.  It is important to note that a woman doesn’t need to give birth to experience any one of the various postpartum mood disorders, including postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum OCD and postpartum psychosis.  She can suffer from these disorders after having a miscarriage as well.

The article mentions certain things I’ve mentioned all along in my blog and in my book:

  • 1 in 7 new mothers experience a perinatal (during pregnancy and after birth) mood disorder, and yet these disorders continue to be under-diagnosed and under-treated
  • A relatively small percentage seek professional help either because they don’t know what they are experiencing deserves and needs  professional help and/or they don’t know where to go to get help and/or they are ashamed to seek help
  • More obstetricians and pediatricians lack than possess the training needed to diagnose and treat perinatal mood disorders
  • Certain risk factors are the reason why certain mothers develop PPD and others don’t: genetic predisposition to biological factors (some mothers are affected by hormonal fluctuations during/after childbirth and after weaning more than others) versus environmental factors (poverty, poor/abusive relationships, premature birth or miscarriage, inadequate support, inadequate paid leave from work)
  • It’s thanks to advocates with platforms with a broad reach to members of the government and media that there has been progress in recent years.  Brooke Shields is one of the first of the advocates to start the trend of sharing their own experiences, spreading awareness, and trying to effect change.
  • There are still stubborn societal myths (thank you to the patriarchal and quite misogynistic forces and views still in place here in the 21st century) that only serve to put unnecessary, additional stress on women, encouraging the false notion that all mothers can not only care for their babies without any sleep or support, but also be able to breastfeed without any issues and return to their pre-baby bodies and weight quickly.  Unbeknownst to many of us stateside, societies around the world (and in olden days here in the good ol’ USA) have customs in place that provide new mothers with the support they need to recover from childbirth and care for their newborn baby.  Instead, because we are a strictly capitalistic society, more and more mothers now work and have anywhere between 0-13 weeks of paid leave and are expected to recover and jump right back to their jobs before having babies, as if they’d never given birth in the first place!  If only men who think “Women have been giving birth for centuries should just up and go back to the way they were” can experience childbirth firsthand sometime!

Certain states, like Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Illinois have passed laws that mandate screening for PPD, and thanks to recommendations by the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), healthcare providers are screening for PPD more routinely.  What I would like to know is whether these screenings are even happening (I am dubious):

  • In 2015, ACOG recommended that OB/GYNs screen women for PPD at least once during pregnancy and once after childbirth.
  • In 2010, the AAP recommended that pediatricians screen mothers for PPD at well-baby visits during the first 6 months.

Says Adrienne Griffen, founder and executive director of Postpartum Support Virginia, whom I have the honor of knowing through my affiliation with Postpartum Support International:

Postpartum depression is where breast cancer was 30 years ago.

I truly and sincerely hope and pray that it’s NOT going to be ANOTHER 30 years for us to see a significant change in the way we view PPD as a society and reduce the numbers of women suffering–and even dying–from perinatal mood disorders!

 

 

No One Wants to Hear Bragging About Losing Baby Weight Right Away

I just got back from a lovely dinner with the family in which we all enjoyed eating what we wanted to eat.  We ate to our heart’s content.  And then I went online and one of the first things I saw on Yahoo was this headline “Brandon Marshall –My Wife Just Had Twins….And She’s Already Pre-Baby Weight!”  Looks like in this case, it’s not the mom bragging.  It’s the husband.  “My beautiful wife is not from this planet,” Marshall says … “6 weeks post baby (×2) and she’s already at her pre baby (×2) weight.”  What are you seeking from the public by saying this, Mr. Marshall?  You wanna trophy or attention?  Well, if you want a trophy and attention, then help your team win the Super Bowl.

My reaction to this bragging and self-serving article about Mr. Marshall’s wife?

hcx3r

Woop-dee-doo and la-dee-da

This article annoyed the heck out of me.  Motivated me to write this blog post.  Something similar motivated me three years ago to write about the Media’s Over-Emphasis on Celebrity Post-Baby Bods After Childbirth.  It didn’t annoy me because I have been struggling with body issues.  I did not struggle with self esteem issues or unhappiness with my body/weight after I had my daughter 10 years ago.  I had a traumatic childbirth experience, followed by postpartum depression that descended on me quickly and mercilessly.  I experienced sudden and uncontrollable weight loss.  I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep.  I was afraid I was suffering from an illness I would never recover from.  But that article and articles like Mr. Marshall’s annoyed me because they are a disservice to new mothers, in general.  .

Mr. Marshall, if a woman who’s just had a baby and has bounced right back to the condition she first started before she even got pregnant, she’s either a celebrity or some other rich person who can afford a personal trainer to get you there and quickly. Like your wife.

The average mother takes quite a while to return to their pre-baby weight, and it takes a lot of effort too.  So, stop bragging about how it was no big deal for your wife.  The reality is (which is a different reality–or shall I say, and quite a propos too– planet than the one you and other celebrities/sports figures seem to find yourselves in), there are many mothers just trying to get by each day of their few weeks as new mothers, trying to adjust to parenthood for the first time, not having enough help and definitely not enough sleep, and about 15-20% succumbing to PPD.  The last thing new mothers should be worried about–certainly not in the FIRST SIX WEEKS (click here for what the first six weeks means when it comes to a real mother’s experience and how CRITICAL they are to her wellbeing) is returning to their pre-pregnancy weight and figure.  Celebrities need to get a grip and realize things do not revolve around them, even though they think that’s the case.  Everyone does NOT lead lives of the rich and famous.  Everyone does NOT have the ability to hire people for various types of help at the snap of a finger.

Who needs headlines jumping out bragging about a woman returning to her pre-pregnancy weight and body in only 6 weeks when most new mothers are out there struggling to learn how to breastfeed, diaper and care for their babies with insufficient support and guidance?  About 80% find themselves struggling with hormonal and emotional swings that come with the baby blues that in up to 20% of all new mothers morphs into PPD.  Most new moms are out there struggling to get enough hours of sleep each day so their sleep deprivation and anxieties of first-time motherhood don’t spiral into a postpartum mood disorder, like postpartum anxiety.  Many new moms are concerned about having to find dependable help to watch their baby so they can go back to work in 6-12 weeks’ time to help the family make ends meet.   Six to twelve weeks is hardly enough time for a new mom’s body to heal from childbirth and they are expected to leave their babies in the care of others to return to work, hitting the ground running, as if they’d never given birth in the first place.  How nice that men never have to go through this (and this is another point people need desperately to look more closely at….paid parental leave).

At the end of the day, no one wants to hear bragging about losing baby weight right away, m’kay.

Seleni Institute – We Need More Comprehensive Women’s Reproductive Health Services Like This!

Something caught my attention today.  An article appearing on my Facebook feed about a workshop offered by Seleni Institute this Wednesday, July 31st, titled: “Preparing for Your Newborn,”  which will assist the expectant mom in knowing what to expect in her first days after childbirth.  When I looked at what the workshop will be covering, I quickly realized that it’s way more than what the standard childbirth and parenting classes at hospitals offer.   It offers many things I complain about in my book that are lacking in standard hospital classes–things that are the source of much anxiety to first-time mothers, like how to choose a pediatrician,warning signs and when to call your pediatrician, soothing techniques, and taking a baby’s temperature.  To find out more and to register, click here.  I will have to inquire whether they also cover the startle reflex (the reason why we swaddle) and what to do if reflex, colic, eczema and/or cradle cap occur.

In Chapter 14 of my book, I talk about the changes needed for progress with respect to ending the ignorance about postpartum depression (PPD), ending the stigma caused by that ignorance, and making sure there are enough support services to help new moms and their families.  In this chapter, I provide my “wish list” of what it would take for such progress to occur, one of which is an increase in peer-led parenting and PPD support groups (one example is MotherWoman, which I have blogged about previously, even on Huffington Post).  The other is the establishment of comprehensive women’s healthcare facilities that are founded on the realization that the emotional well-being of the new mother is absolutely essential to the survival and normal development of her child.  Mental health should absolutely be an integral component of reproductive health, whether it be for issues relating to infertility, miscarriage, still birth, child loss or the postpartum period.

I recently learned of such a facility that I wish I could’ve taken advantage of but couldn’t because it didn’t exist when I was having difficulty conceiving, after my first failed IVF cycle, after childbirth and when I was battling PPD.  It opened its doors earlier this year.  Not sure, however, WHETHER I would’ve taken advantage of such a facility back then, before I came out of my PPD knowing what I know now.  Yes, it’s one of those hindsight is 20/20 kinda situations.  Well, knowing what I know now, I want to encourage women to seek such services early on.  Continuing along the vein of what I wrote in my book’s Chapter 14, knowing the importance of and being able to easily access such services are extremely vital if we want to stop seeing women experiencing the kind of bumpy road to motherhood that I experienced.

This facility is the Seleni Institute in Manhattan.  I hadn’t realized until today that the Advisory Board consists of such esteemed individuals in the field of reproductive mood disorders as Dr. Lee S. Cohen and Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW.  Seleni’s services include–but are not limited to–the following.

  • Support groups for, miscarriage/stillbirth/child loss, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, pregnancy, new moms, unexpected childbirth outcomes, parenting support/mindful parenting, and body image.
  • A certified lactation counselor providing clinics, classes, workshops, and one-on-one sessions to help the expectant mother know what to expect and the new mother on how to improve her breastfeeding experience.
  • Experienced psychotherapists and social workers on staff to provide counseling on infertility, coping with physical changes during and after pregnancy, infant bonding and attachment, life and career transitions, relationship/marital/partner difficulties, parenting concerns, and body image anxiety.
  • A website offering valuable insight into all things relating to reproduction.  It is filled with an amazing amount of information that, once again, I only wish I had had access to during my IVF cycles, pregnancy, and postpartum period.

The origin of the name Seleni is in and of itself extremely creative and a lot of thought was put into an appropriate reflection of the organization’s mission. In combing through everything on the site, I’m filled with wonder at the promise this organization holds for women, and I really hope to see more organizations like this open throughout the country.  Even better, I would like to see this organization become national!

Spotlight on the Royal Birth

Wow, two posts in two days!  This is a record!  Everyone else has been blogging, tweeting, commenting on news articles, and talking about the royal birth.  I figured I might as well too.  I was all set to go to bed at midnight, which for me is early, but I had to check something on the computer and then all of a sudden I found myself feeling the sudden urge to blog about the royal birth.

Was I obsessed as some people were about Kate and William and their much-anticipated prince or princess?  No, not really.  Then why am I blogging about it?  Well, for one thing, I’m annoyed.  From morning til night, all I saw in my Facebook feed were comments about the royal birth.  Let me clarify.  I’m not so much annoyed by the amount of coverage as I am about the number of people that are annoyed about the amount of coverage and the nasty ol’ things that they had to say about it all.

As with everything including politics and religion, there will be the extreme camps.  In this case, you have the people who don’t give a rat’s butt about the royal family, angry that we are focusing so much on a baby’s birth (something that happens every second around the world) instead of more relevant issues like the state of our country and our economy, insisting that no one here gives a hoot (but plenty of people around the world and in this country do give a hoot or else why would there be such excessive coverage?).  While the other extreme camp has gone on and on and on for weeks leading up to the childbirth to try to predict the baby’s sex and what the baby’s name will be.  And then you’ll have what I refer to as the neutral camp who just want to go with the flow and carry on with their daily routines and not really care about the coverage in the news about the royal family.

I happen to belong to the neutral camp.  That is, until I was triggered.  What was I triggered by?  But of course, the meanness in people.  Meanness that stems from ignorance!  Yes, I stumbled across some mean comments/tweets on today’s Christian Monitor article titled “First glimpse of British prince brings comments about mom’s postpartum body.”  As soon as I saw the title, I thought to myself  “Do I honestly want to see the comments, which will no doubt be extremely ignorant and dumb, to put it mildly?”  I braced myself and read through the comments and quickly grew infuriated.  When I saw Kate and William walk through the hospital door earlier in the day to introduce their baby to the world, I instantly thought “Uh boy, Kate is still showing her bump, and I will bet you any amount of money that that will be the cause of a lot of mean-spirited comments from a public that is already weary of the extensive coverage about the royal birth.”  And here we are.

People calling her fat. <– omg, Kate, fat?  What, are these people nuts?  If she’s fat, then that makes me an elephant.  Ridiculous.

People joking that it looks like she’s still pregnant. <– Well, duh….this is how ALL mothers look after they have a baby.  And all mothers and their husbands/significant others know this because they have been through this themselves and know that you simply don’t blink away the belly that has been carrying a baby for the past 9 months.  It’s just NOT POSSIBLE.  What do people think really happens after childbirth, anyway?  That the entire contents of the belly simply come out with the baby, and that’s it?  What about all the skin and muscle that have had to stretch over the course of 9 months to accommodate the growing baby?!  I may have dropped my weight rapidly, thanks to the postpartum depression (PPD) that caused me to UNWILLINGLY lose my appetite and not want to eat anything for several weeks….this, after being literally starved for a week in the hospital after having my baby because my doctor wanted me to be prepared to go into surgery at any moment’s notice, thanks to my placenta accreta.  BUT I still had a residual belly when I left the hospital.

People joking that perhaps there’s still a twin in there. <– This is such a stupid comment that I’m not even going to address this.

What these idiotic comments show is that the image of a perfect postpartum body–thanks to celebrities and their personal trainers and not showing themselves in public until their tummies are gone–that the media focuses unhealthily on is causing the general public to have this unrealistic expectation of mothers all miraculously ridding themselves of their bellies and returning to their pre-pregnancy bodies immediately after they give birth.  I have blogged about this previously, and I’m actually quite sick and tired of this…I really am.

So, if women who have been through pregnancy can all vouch for the fact that the rapid return to pre-pregnancy selves is a myth, then why does this false perception continue to exist?  I’ll tell you why.  Because they don’t want others to know about their struggles to return to their pre-pregnancy selves, much like mothers who have suffered from PPD don’t want others to know out of feelings of guilt and shame that they didn’t experience the perfect childbirth experience they’ve been longing to have and society expects all mothers to have.

So…..with mothers not speaking up, the only examples we see are the celebrities flaunting their perfectly fit, postpartum bodies for all the world to see.  Therein lies the problem that we continuously and persistently perpetuate in one annoying, vicious cycle.

Last night, I saw a USA Today article titled “Will and Kate: New parents face joy, challenges” come up in my Facebook feed.  At first glance, when I saw that it was another article about the pending royal birth, I was going to skip it.  But then I saw who was interviewed for it.  My friend Dr. Diane Sanford, psychologist in St. Louis and co-author of Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide.  I read it, and I was quite pleased to find that it offers refreshingly REALISTIC information about what Kate and William–like all other parents–should expect when it comes to becoming a mom and dad for the first time.  It was, quite frankly, a really great platform to educate on the realities of having a baby and parenthood…after all, it’s an article about the ROYAL BIRTH in USA Today, and bound to generate a good number of views.  So, I applaud the fact that Dr. Sanford was called upon as a resource for educating the public. It’s NOT just an article about the royal family’s baby boy.

I can only pray that, over time, the number of smart articles educating the public about the realities of pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period will increase so there will be fewer articles spreading false perceptions of what it’s like to have a baby.   More education will mean less idiotic remarks like the ones people have been making about the Duchess…who by the way, was brave for showing the world her REAL postpartum body!