Paving the Way for Emotional Health In Teen Girls

Since its release, the movie “Inside Out” has helped put emotional health on the front burner of discussions and will hopefully make it a lot easier for families to talk about emotions on a regular basis.  This movie was, quite simply, brilliant in going somewhere no other film for children has ever gone (at least none that I’m aware).  Why?  Cuz emotions and mental health are topics that people have historically tiptoed about as if they were walking on eggshells.  It’s time we extracted our heads from out of the hole of ignorance, taboo and stigma.  There ain’t nothin’ about emotions and mental health that should warrant keeping our heads buried like that.  Nothin’ at all……….

I sincerely believe that “Inside Out” can be instrumental in helping children to better understand their emotions and realize that feeling sad is just as critical as feeling happy, it’s NORMAL to feel negative emotions like sadness and anger, and all emotions should be expressed rather than suppressed.  A good way to express/release/process your emotions is to talk about them or even write about them.

I’ve found that many adults have enough challenges in understanding/coping with/expressing/releasing/processing their own emotions, let alone help their children understand/cope/express/release/process theirs.  And thus the critical need for resources from experienced professionals that are abundantly available out there.  You just need to know how to find them.

I have mentioned one invaluable resource for girls in previous posts, and I want to bring it up again today.  It’s Girls Leadership.  Although the focus of my blog is on maternal mental health and mothers were all young girls at one point–all too many of whom have faced issues early in life that pave the way to the adults they are today–the information within the Girls Leadership articles below applies to boys as well.  If you are a parent of a girl, read through the website’s posts on a wide variety of topics, including confidence, identity, body image, books, school, friendships, role models, and conflict.  What a difference it would’ve made to me while growing up if such resources had been available to my mother, if I had had a better relationship with my mother, if I had had a network of support, and if I had had a mentor in my life. Speaking of mentor, “How to Find a Mentor” by Joanne Wilson on July 2, 2015 is a must read! The Girls Leadership posts I ran across in the past couple of weeks are:

  1. Emotional Intelligence Workout: respecting/expressing your feelings critical to development of emotional intelligence (EI)
  2. Removing the Stigma: understanding/talking about /seeking help for mental illness, which applies to 11% of teenagers by the time they hit 18; girls more susceptible than boys
  3. A Powerful New Tool for Girls’ Courage & Confidence: Self-Compassion: practicing mindfulness and self-compassion rather than self-destructive thinking

I want to bring particular attention to the 3rd post because it highlights issues all too many girls face, which are explained in such an on-point fashion in this post the likes of which I have not seen anywhere else to date:

  • tendency to dwell / fixate on their problems rather than realize/following through on solutions
  • tendency to feel more shame / self hatred than boys
  • tendency to feel the need to “fit in” and they are thus more easily influenced by social media, which appeal to girls more than boys.  Social media sites, such as Instagram and Facebook (which I will not allow my daughter to access until she can drive), are just another way to make girls feel more isolated and bad about themselves because these sites, for the most part, only provide glimpses of the positive moments in other people’s lives.  Let me illustrate. My Facebook circle is a rather small one compared to other people’s circles.  Of this circle less than 50% are considered active (i.e., log on, post, like and comment at least a few times a week).  Of my active Facebook friends, only about 5% post things that are truly accurate reflections of what’s going on in their minds and lives….like me.  I say what’s on my mind without sugar coating anything.  Of the remaining 95% or so of the active posters, you’ll see the accomplishments, smiling faces, and all is fine-and-dandy posts / pictures (with a couple people doing it more regularly than others).  It’s these kinds of posts that can influence young girls–ones with the tendency to dwell/fixate on problems, feel bad about themselves, and feel like the one priority in life is fitting in/belonging–into comparing themselves with others and believing that everyone else is living much better and happier lives.  Hence, the “why me, my life sucks” mindsets.  These sites are just as anti-social as they are “social” because rather than encouraging face-to-face interactions, they make you believe that interaction limited to the Internet is all you need to be “social.”

You may wonder how all this has anything to do with postpartum depression (PPD).  It’s important to remember that many cases of depression surface during the teenage years and follow you throughout life.  One of the primary risk factors of PPD is a history of depression. I delve into relevant statistics and risk factors in my book. And you may be interested in checking out my prior posts relating to teenage years.

Life is One Gigantic Sandbox

Re-sharing an old post because something has been on my mind and I needed to get it off my chest….and wouldn’t you know, I wrote the post, coincidentally, about the same time last year…in the fall, as the leaves were turning with the approach of dreaded winter.  Click here to check out that post.

“It’s not just in a a work setting that people don’t play nice. Life is one gigantic sandbox with grown adults acting like children. This is where I remind myself that — no matter how nice you are, there will be those who don’t like you JUST BECAUSE….No reason….JUST BECAUSE. That’s when you need to have enough sense to keep in mind that IT’S THEM, NOT YOU. You’re not the one with the issue. They’re the one with some deep-rooted issue. Nothing you do will make a difference, and you know what? You shouldn’t have to. This phenomenon traverses all age groups, races, religions, political parties, etc. It’s a crying shame.”

ISL_someecard_them_not_you#gotnotimefordat #itsthemnotyou #lifeistooshort

Why Do People Feel Compelled to Bully and Cyberbully, Anyway?

TO THE BULLIES / CYBERBULLIES OUT THERE (and if you’re not completely convinced or aware that you are, in fact, a bully or cyberbully, read on):

Does bullying make you feel better about you, as a person?

Does cyberbullying make you feel more powerful, knowing you have X number of followers/friends (or shall I say groupies) that will jump at your beck and call and support you without question?  Even if what you are doing is tearing someone else down?

Picture a bully facing off with their target, in a hallway, in school.  This bully takes a swing.   The fist impacts the other person’s face.  The group surrounding the two grows, and witnesses start chanting “Go, go, go!”  The bully beats furiously on that person until his fist is all bloodied and bruised, and his anger has dissipated since he’s taken all his anger (from whatever was on their mind – may or may not have been related to the person they beat up) out on the poor individual he so furiously beat up.

It’s a shame people have such problems processing their emotions and getting a grip before unleashing their fists (or words, for that matter).   Or perhaps it’s an attempt to show that they are more dominant/popular?  Either way, it is a clear sign of a lack of impulse control, emotional intelligence, maturity in coping with whatever issue is going on…which is why you hear about all too many cases occurring in middle school and high school.

When I think cyberbullying, I instantly think of the teens online that are being taunted and hated online.  TEENS.  But it also happens among grown-ups.  Grown-ups TEND to have more of a better grasp on communication skills, they TEND to be more mature than children/teens, and as people grow older, their emotional intelligence TENDS to increase (but not everyone achieves emotional intelligence, without first resolving any of their own emotional/psychological issues first).  But yes, cyberbullying does occur among adults.  I haven’t really seen much of it myself…..and had the misfortune of witnessing it today.


Why does the bully do what he does?  What makes a person want to beat down another person so bad that they aren’t happy until they see him all bruised and bloodied….or in cyberspace, completely alienated, humiliated with everyone turned against him?  Could the bullying have been triggered by something that occurred at home?   Not coming from a nurturing environment growing up?  Low self esteem reaching a boiling point he couldn’t stand it anymore and had to try to make someone else feel worse than him? Or on the other side of spectrum, a grandiose sense of being better/far more important than the other person and therefore having the right to do and say anything he feels like, even going so far as belittling, mocking, stepping all over that person (literally or figuratively), just because he feels he is more entitled, superior to the other person, and popular?

Could he not have taken out whatever it was that was bothering him so by writing in, say, a journal…or even a blog?  A much more peaceful and cathartic approach, don’t you think?  Well, one would think, but evidently, words can be just as detrimental and damaging as a fist.  A fist brings physical damage.  Words can bring emotional and reputational damage.  If a person goes on a warpath on someone else in cyberspace, with or without that person’s presence, well, that’s CYBERBULLYING.  They think they have a right– on their own Facebook page, blog, Twitter, or whatever the social media preference du jour happens to be–to unleash their fury with the purpose of taking someone else down.  They have an audience who is chanting in their favor, supporting them with comment after comment, that they are absolutely in the right, no questions asked.

But wait a minute.  If you witness a cyberbully on the rampage, before providing unquestioned and loyal support, do you have evidence that the person that is being cyberbullied is in the wrong, before publicly participating in cursing him out and saying hurtful things that are personal, even though he did nothing to you personally…and chances are, you don’t even know him?   Think first before acting.  Don’t behave like a flock of birds and take off from (or mimic) the slightest movement of one bird in the flock.  Think about this:  What exactly did he do that was so bad that it justified being trashed and his name get dragged through the mud?   Yes, you may be very fond of the person that’s on the rampage, but you have a mind of your own, don’t you?  How would you like to be on the end of this online trashing?

Putting out there in cyberspace words that are hurtful and spiteful, and not even necessarily true, with the purpose of shaming, alienating and damaging a person’s reputation, is completely the wrong way of coping and dealing with shit.  Cyberbullying is NEVER GOOD.

And for those who feel attacking someone they have been friendly with form some time, but then all of a sudden, something happens that they don’t appreciate and voila, they leap in motion online…and before you know it, words are said in cyberspace that can’t ever be completely wiped out….because, wouldn’t you know it?  You can take screenshots of those words.  Thank you, technology.

What I would love to know the answer to is what exactly makes a person so spiteful that a past, positive relationship/friendship means nothing to you?  When you are passionate about something but this other person doesn’t do exactly what you do to share your passion about something, but he does it in his own way?   Or you are miffed about something he did or said, or didn’t say or do.  One thing said or done by a person doesn’t warrant your humiliating him– on your Facebook page, Twitter feed, or whatever the social media du jour happens to be–via cursing and a string of nasty opinions for all your friends/followers to see and scoff at.  You are essentially assisting your friends in formulating opinions about this person without your friends ever having to meet that person IN REAL LIFE.  How right is this?  WELL, IT ISN’T RIGHT.  NOT AT ALL.  If you can’t talk things through and come to an agreement, fine, then go your separate ways.  But don’t turn on him and publicly humiliate him via cursing and spiteful words.

If you are a bully/cyberbully and can’t see that what you’re doing is wrong, then you have a long way to go in growing up and achieving the emotional intelligence you are so lacking at this point in time.


Taking down another person with willful intent to make them suffer emotionally and/or physically is DEAD. WRONG.

If you are a witness to bullying or cyberbullying, then step away.  There is no need for you to join the fray, especially if you don’t know the complete circumstances.

I have ZERO TOLERANCE for this shit. 

#liftoneanotherup #donttakeeachotherdown #bullyingofanykindisbad #adultswhodoitneedtogrowup