Help Me Finish the Sentence: Just Because She Doesn’t Look Depressed…..

A super duper quick post tonight, as I have had too many windows open on my PC and need to shut it down to give my PC a break…not to mention install some updates.  Before I shut my PC down tonight I need to briefly jump onto my soapbox and put my thoughts out into cyberspace about not making assumptions and not judging books by their covers.  These 2 thoughts combined and in the context of new mothers produces the following:

Don’t assume that a new mom wearing makeup and a smile is happy.  

How would you know better, then, you ask?  Well, the only way you’re going to know for sure is if you care enough to ask how a new mom is doing.  Take the time to have a chat with her and show you care. Look into her eyes when speaking.  Being the empath that I am, I can usually sense when something is a bit off with someone.  But I would most certainly confirm what my gut is telling me by talking to them.

I’ve also blogged about this previously (click here to read), but I do want to make sure you go over to Eve Canavan’s blog Small Time Mum and check out her blog post titled “You Can’t Be Depressed Dear, the Forestry Commission Don’t Have to Be Called to Trim Your Bush.” It’s a great post.

So, just because she (a new mom) doesn’t look depressed does NOT mean she is NOT depressed, and the only way you’re going to know is if you stop and ask how she’s doing and look her in the eyes.

Free Copies of “Baby Basics: Your Month by Month Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy”

Psssst…OFFERING FOR FREE!  Note: This offer is for folks living in the continental U.S. only.

I have 2 copies of “Baby Basics: Your Month by Month Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy”…this book is available for $8 via the What to Expect Foundation and $13 via the march of Dimes and $5 or so via Amazon.  These copies are unused, so are as good as new.

Baby Basics

I am offering for just the cost of shipping (approximately $4). Please leave me a comment below and I will email you for your address to ship a copy (or both copies) to you.

This would make a fabulous gift for someone you care about that is expecting a baby.  The earlier on the expectant mom gets a copy of this book, the better prepared she will be in terms of what to expect during pregnancy and what to prepare for when baby arrives.  The info in it is VERY helpful/important that I wish I had received when I was pregnant back in 2004.  For more details on what the book provides, please click here.

Pet Peeve Blog Post #3 on Celebrity Post-Baby Bodies

I was just browsing the Internet one last time before turning in for the evening.  I was in a relatively good mood, despite having to work late.  It took me less than an hour to get home (a record!) and just in time to watch my favorite of all television shows So You Think You Can Dance, had dinner and a can of Ballas Point grapefruit sculpin while watching the show with my husband and daughter, and looking forward to a day off tomorrow (my third day off thus far this year!).

But then I ran across an E Online article titled “Jessica Biel Debuts Her Amazing Post-Baby Body—See the First Pics!”  The words “post-baby body” used in conjunction with a celebrity peeve me just as much as sitting next to a guy who manspreads on the bus or subway.  It is annoying as ALL HECK.  I started keeping a photo journal of all the manspreading examples I come across during my commute to/from work.  So, I’ve decided to keep a journal of all the celebrity post-baby hoop-la examples as well.   LOL

Jessica Biel is one hot mama!…..she looks incredible!  Wearing a trendy full-length jumpsuit and ankle-strap heels to a local studio for some work, the new mom looked incredibly trim for having given birth in early April! She paired her summery outfit with a light beige cardigan and a bottle of Veuve Cliquot, which we’re hoping she uses to celebrate how great she looks!

So, I’m going to get this off my chest right now.hcx3r

And I’m going to get my good ol’ eye roll GIF out once more to express my annoyance.

Altogether now:   WOOP DE DOO AND LA DEE DA

I am so tired of this crap.

Magazines should stop glorifying the return of a celebrity mom’s post-baby bod, as celebrities do NOT represent the norm.  Do you think new moms want to see or read about this waste of paper (if magazine) or html coding (if Internet page)?  It’s like taunting 99% of the new moms out there with a “Look, this hot mama was able to return to look incredibly trim in an amazingly short period of time.  She’s even got herself a bottle of Veuve Cliquot that we’re hoping she uses to celebrate how great she looks.  Can YOU beat that?”

Not to be mean spirited or anything, but I have a lot more important things to occupy my mind and time with than to be concerned about a celebrity’s post-baby body, thank you very much.  Why do magazines/Internet sites continue to obsess over that?  Why do the magazines/Internet sites obsess over celebrity women who have babies managing to appear as if they were never pregnant or had a baby?  Exercising to return my body as quickly as possible to my pre-baby condition was not even a blip on my radar after I had my baby.  Exercising still isn’t a blip on my radar, ten years later.  Exercise is good for the health and spirit, there’s no question of that.  But as long as the mother is taking care of herself in the way she chooses to or is able to care for herself–whether that includes exercising or not doesn’t matter–so she can properly care for her baby, that’s all that matters.

Hey, celebrities have money, hired help, personal trainers, etc., which 99% of new moms DON’T have.  Emphasizing such things doesn’t help the majority of people who live in the real world….so it brings me to the question:  Why do it at all?  Why do you keep on emphasizing the point that rich celebrities can immediately go back to their pre-baby bods?  Oh yeah, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that SIX corporations own ALL of the MEDIA in the country and if they choose to continue to be misogynistic, then no one is going to stand in their way.

This is why we need FEMINISM.  We need strong women to speak up, to challenge convention and bring about positive change for the sake of women.

We need to focus on moms getting the help they need–practical, emotional and social support in the 1-2 months following childbirth.  Click here for what really matters to help new moms, and in so doing, help reduce the occurrence of postpartum mood disorders.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….there needs to be at least one article a month (in every magazine that has anything to do with parenting) that speaks about postpartum depression and postpartum adjustment, mothering the new mother, the fourth trimester, where to find local resources (doulas, postpartum support groups, PPD support), etc.

Let’s focus on what TRULY matters.  #MOMSMATTER

Bottlefeeding is Beautiful Too

I wanted to share this post showing you beautiful photos of bottle feeding moms and their babies.  For all you moms who either choose to or do not have a choice but to bottle feed your babies, you CAN bond with your babies and you WILL bond with your babies.  How you choose to feed your babies is NOT and should NOT determine how the rest of your motherhood experience will be.  Focus on your own motherhood journey and doing what you feel you need to do to make it a memorable and satisfying one.  Tune out all the negative, meddling and judgmental people that you may run across now and then.  What they say does NOT matter in the grand scheme of things.  Everything else is irrelevant and should be treated like annoying static you hear on the radio.  Tune it out. Turn it off.

You are a human with a brain and the ability to think and make decisions.  What you decide is in your and your baby’s best interests in mind is your business.  And in some instances, you need to play the cards with which you are dealt (i.e., biologically you cannot produce milk, your postpartum circumstances are not good, like childbirth complications, postpartum depression, etc.), and you need to realize it is through no fault of yours….. but you need to make the most of the situation as best you can.

I’d previously blogged that meddlers should mind their own business and keep their mouths shut when it comes to asking when/if a woman is going to have another baby (because gee whiz one is just not enough). The meme I had created said “You know why it’s not a good idea to ask if a woman is planning to have a(nother) baby? You don’t know if she can or wants to.”

Similarly, with infant feeding choices, meddlers should mind their own business and keep their mouths shut when it comes to a woman’s circumstances regarding how they feed their babies.  Here’s a new e-card I’ve just whipped up that sums my sentiments up:

ISupportYou

#mindyourownbeeswax #ISupportYou #bottlefeedingisbeautifultoo

Sounds of Silence 7th Annual Run/Walk – May 9, 2015

prcny-sos-run-general-flyer-2015-FINAL-i-LRJoin the Sounds of Silence, Friends of the Postpartum Resource Center of New York’s 7th annual run/walk to help raise funds in the effort to increase awareness of perinatal mood disorders, such as postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum OCD, and postpartum psychosis.   Not only is this for an excellent cause, it will be a nice opportunity to race (or walk) a beautiful 5K boardwalk along the Atlantic Ocean.

Please note that this annual fundraiser was started back in 2009 by sisters Erin Mascaro and Lisa Reilly.  It was Lisa’s experience with postpartum depression (PPD) after the birth of her daughter–an experience so deeply painful and full of suffering (a suffering that many others like her feel forced to endure in silence) that was witnessed by Erin and other loved ones–that motivated Erin and Lisa to break the silence of PPD with the Sounds of Silence annual run/walk .  I only found out a few days ago that Lisa tragically succumbed to depression last fall. This year’s run/walk will be in her memory.   Please help spread the word about this fundraiser by blogging or sharing the flyer on Facebook/Twitter.

Date:  Saturday, May 9, 2015

Time:  Registration from 8:00-9:00; race/walk begins at 9:30 AM.  There will be a Kids Fun Run, Raffles, Food and more.

Place:   Jones Beach State Park, Wantagh, Long Island (Field 5)

Registration:  $25 (adults); $15 (ages 11-18); $5 (ages 10 and under); register here.

Other Race Details:  The top female and male runners, plus top fundraiser, will receive awards.  Back in 2009, I was one of the two top fundraisers, bringing in over $1,000 (as an individual).

For more information about the run/walk, please click here to visit the Postpartum Resource Center of New York site.

All proceeds will go towards supporting the important services the Postpartum Resource Center of New York, Inc., a 501(c)3 non-profit organization (tax ID #11-3449880), provides to new mothers and their families.  To learn more about its services, go to:  http://postpartumny.org.

A New Mom’s Needs Matter Just As Much As the Baby’s Needs

*** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) and are sensitive to negative news events***

Nothing recently has truly sparked my desire to blog…that is, until tonight.  One of my Facebook friends had commented on an article on a public page, so it popped up on my Facebook feed on my commute home from work.  The post was titled “Charlotte Bevan’s death: an indictment of a breastfeeding culture that ignores the needs of women,” written by Amy Tuteur, MD.

One of my biggest peeves is an extremist, misguided, self-serving, selfish, hateful and highly narrow-minded viewpoint, whether it be about politics, guns, religion, bigotry, misogynism, women’s reproductive rights…..or in this case, breastfeeding.  I’ve previously blogged about how breastfeeding zealotry led to the deaths of a mother and her baby, and here I am again, blogging about another PREVENTABLE AND SENSELESS DEATH of a new mother and her baby.

WHEN IS IT GOING TO STOP?

If you are in the medical healthcare profession, you MUST place your patients’ wellbeing BEFORE your religious and biased viewpoints, which have NO PLACE in a profession in which lives are at stake. And should you NOT know the appropriate protocols for specific conditions, drug interactions, consequences of taking someone off medications, etc., then you have NO BUSINESS being in your profession.  PERIOD.

Sure, breast is best if it’s best for baby AND MOM.  BUT DO NOT EVER FORGET ABOUT THE MOTHER.  If she is healthy and wants to/can breastfeed, then great.  If she is healthy and does not for whatever reason want to breastfeed, she shouldn’t be forced to/guilted into doing so.  If she is not healthy and cannot breastfeed, then stop guilting her into doing so.  Let her formula feed in peace.

If she has a mental health condition (as in Charlotte’s case) that requires her to continue taking medication, then she MUST do so.  If she has a mental health condition and wants to breastfeed, then have her continue breastfeeding if–as in this case with risperidone–the medication she is taking is compatible with doing so based on research.  If she prefers to feed her baby formula because she is uncertain about breastfeeding while on the medication, then let her feed her baby formula.  Let her formula feed in peace.

Whoever let Charlotte go off her anti-psychotic medications without monitoring her to be sure both she and her baby were okay are directly responsible for her death.  Here again, we have the insidious belief that a baby deserves to be fed “liquid gold,” the life of her mother be damned.  Bottom line, those whom she entrusted her care might as well have just pushed her off the cliff themselves.  Death by negligence. I believe they call it negligent homicide here.

Women around the world continue to be viewed as baby incubators and milk machines, and as such, their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing do not matter in the grand scheme of things.  Their needs as new mothers don’t matter.  BUT THEY DO MATTER.

I had to quote an excerpt out of the post written by Dr. Amy Tuteur here, as it’s perfectly on point:

For most of human history, women have been reduced to three body parts: uterus, vagina and breasts. Their intellect was irrelevant; their talents were irrelevant; their wants and needs were irrelevant. For a while it appeared that we had moved beyond this deeply sexist and retrograde view of women, but now it’s back in a new guise: natural parenting, specifically natural childbirth, lactivism and attachment parenting. These movements place the (purported) needs of babies front and center. They ignore the needs of women.

I firmly believe that extremist thinking is in and of itself an illness.  It is delusional, obsessive and destructive behavior that MUST BE STOPPED.   This tragedy wasn’t just a wake-up call.  There have been all too many wake-up calls.  IT IS TIME FOR US TO WAKE THE F*CK UP.

Women are more than baby incubators and milk machines.

Happy 1st Birthday, STIGMAMA!

I am proud of my friend, Dr. Walker Karraa, for so many reasons.  Today, I would like to acknowledge and congratulate her for the success of her amazing blog, STIGMAMATM. Happy 1st birthday, STIGMAMATM!!!

You have grown soooo quickly! In what feels like less than a year to me–because last year went by so fast–you have had over 70 contributors, garnered over 16,000 followers on Facebook, and been recognized as a leading health blog, and the list goes on. You are the fastest growing blog specifically about mothers (of all ages), mental illness, and accompanying stigma.

I have not had a chance to contribute to you as of yet because I spent half of last year studying for two exams. But I am definitely going to join the ranks of the over 70 contributors that have written for you to date.

If you haven’t followed Dr. Walker and STIGMAMATM by now, please do. They are on a mission to help eradicate stigma. Let’s join them on that mission!

If you are a blogger, please join the blog hop to wish StigmamaTM a very happy 1st birthday, and many, many, many more! Create your blog post, click on the button below, and add your information to the blog hook-up page that comes up via InLinkz.  Not a blogger?  That’s okay.  There are many other ways you can help celebrate. You can spread the word about StigmamaTM to your friends.  On Twitter, you can chat with Dr. Karraa and her contributors and other followers by using @Stigmama1 or #StigmamaBirthday. On Facebook, you can leave Dr. Karraa and her contributors a message(s) on the Stigmama Facebook page.