ONE MOM’S REFLECTION FOR MOTHER’S DAY

This is a post a mom wanted to share on my blog anonymously.  Thank you, mama, for sharing your experience!  ❤ ❤ ❤

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To think of moments like this that I would have missed had I just given up. If I had let the mental illness win.

After my twins my postpartum depression/postpartum anxiety (PPD/PPA) was severe.

Paralyzed by a sudden sense of worthlessness, hopelessness and fear of everything, I panicked.

Intrusive thoughts told me I was not good enough and that my kids were better off without me. I told my husband to leave me. I was scared to touch the twins for fear I would somehow hurt them or that I was ruining them.

This was at the time I felt it in my heart and soul something was majorly wrong with G and I blamed it on myself.

I was overwhelmed with two colicky twins. They cried all the time and I felt like a failure that I couldn’t soothe them. Fast forward they have sensory issues G with autism and S with ADHD. they have had a very hard time regulating themselves and have come a long, long way.

If I could wish one thing for all mothers is that please don’t blame yourselves.

Be mindful. Baby yourself just like how you baby your children. Be kind to yourself.

I was beyond hard on myself and it took its toll. It left me fragile and fearful and broken.

But I’ve always been a fighter and I’ve done everything I could to power through that time and learn how to live all over again.

It began with loving myself.

In June 2013 I was so traumatized by the panic attacks that the panic made me want to end it all. I called an ambulance to come save me from myself. That day on I’ve only marched forward. I’m mindful to my surroundings. I don’t blame myself for the struggle that my babies have faced with their development.

I am an excellent mom. I am worth it. They are worth it. So much that I gave it all another chance when I had R knowing that I faced a chance of a relapse with PPD. But with incredible support I did it and I’m still doing it.

I love my sweet family, my friends, my life.

I believe in second, third, fourth chances.

There is always room for improvement and to make things better and life is very much worth living.

Everything that happens to us makes us stronger.

I will never hide what happened to me from my children, especially my daughters.

It’s okay to fall down.

What matters is we keep going and with a good heart.

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Happy Mother’s Day 2017

Dear Mama-

If you’re visiting my blog, I just want to let you know that you are not alone in your postpartum experience.

You may feel like you are alone.  But you aren’t.

I am a PPD survivor.  There are MANY PPD survivors.  I am here for you.  There are many PPD survivors out there for you.

I love analogies, and I’m going to use one here.  I have pansies outside on the deck that I never expected to make it all winter with the cold, snow and ice, but it DID make it.  I covered the plant with a plastic food container to prevent it from getting crushed by snow/ice and to protect it from the below-freezing temps and wind.  I visited it, touched the one or 2 flowers that endured during the winter, and spoke to them (never thought I’d ever be a flower whisperer, but here I am) as much as I could.

Here are the persistent pansies that failed to let the elements prevent them from standing tall.

And here are the pansies today!  

You will get through the sleepless nights due to your anxiety, insomnia, feelings of helplessness.  Just like the pansies surviving was doubtful, they were able to persist because they received care and support.

I made it, without even knowing that what I had was PPD.

I made it through with crappy bedside manner from both my OB and doctor.

I made it with no support from anyone else around me except for my husband. I’d never heard of anyone having PPD before.

I didn’t know about Postpartum Support International (PSI).

I wasn’t on the Internet much back then.  It was 2005. I wasn’t on Facebook or Twitter.

I wasn’t referred to any therapists who specialize in PPD.  I didn’t have a support group, either.

But I made it.  And YOU WILL TOO.

If you are reading this and you are suffering and don’t have any idea how to get help, please leave me a comment.  I will respond and try to help you find resources to help you get through this.  You can also go to the PSI website for phone and local resources.

There was a blog post from fellow PPD survivor, Andrea Bates, author of the blog “Good Girl Gone Redneck” featured on the PSI website on World Maternal Mental Health Day this past week that I want you to visit if you haven’t seen it already.  Please check it out.  She’s a wonderful writer.  I wish I could write like her.  She also wrote 3 blog posts leading up to Mother’s Day this past week that you should also check out.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama!

Love,
Ivy
❤ ❤ ❤

The First Center of its Kind in New Jersey

As I mentioned a few days ago, I took the day off because  I needed to witness the grand opening of the very first center of its kind in my home state: The Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder Center at Monmouth Medical Center.

 

 

 

 

 

After paying this center a visit personally and hearing about the immensely positive impact it has had the past 6 years since Lisa Tremayne first endeavored to provide a place for mothers suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) to go to for help, I am just so, so amazed and have such tremendous respect for Lisa and for the staff.

 

 

 

 

There were many mothers/babies there that were there to celebrate with Lisa and the amazing staff.

 

 

 

 

 

Robert Graebe, MD (Chairman of the OB/GYN Dept) kicked off the ceremony.

 

 

 

 

 

Followed by Mary Jo Codey who recounted her personal experience with PPD so long ago.  I’ve heard her speak what must be a dozen times by now, but hearing her wrenching experience from when she suffered from severe PPD in the 1980s and a second time in the 1990s always serves as a reminder of how far we’ve come and yet how much further we still need to go when it comes to helping new mothers realize when and how to get help, helping doctors correctly diagnose and treat PPD.  She wrapped up her speech with a statement about how grateful she is for the existence of this center and how we need to make sure more centers like this open up in New Jersey.  Click here  and here for articles posted earlier today that include pictures and video clips.

After the former First Lady’s speech came Lisa Tremayne who gave a brief history of the center and how it has been helping mothers since 2011 and then introduced PPD survivors Meg Santonacita, Luciana Mangyik, and Carolyn Stack, each of whom shared their experiences and how the center helped each of them to recover.

 

 

 

 

 

After the speeches came the ribbon cutting ceremony!

Heading into Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month with a Bang

Just like this time last year, I’ve come across so many things on my Facebook feed in the past few days that I’m just going to highlight all the exciting work, developments, other mothers’ experiences, and upcoming events all in one post.

As I stumble across more articles this month, I will add them to this blog post.

Personal Success Story: If You Only Ask – by Jordan Reid
Being your own advocate by being informed about postpartum mood disorders, knowing your risk, and being prepared for the possibility – unfortunately, you have to for self-preservation purposes because there aren’t enough resources to catch the moms who fall through the cracks of doctors failing to diagnose, treat or even refer maternal mood disorders. The post reflects the main steps I suggest in chapter 5 of my book, which delves into risk factors and coming up with a prevention plan.  I also touch on being prepared in a previous blog post by having a therapist lined up, just in case, if you think you are at high risk for postpartum depression (PPD).  I’ve also blogged about risk factors for PPD.

Postpartum Support International (PSI):
The annual PSI conference is coming up in Philadelphia!  Register by May 8th to take advantage of early bird rates for its PMD certificate course from 7/12-13, as well as for the regular 2-day conference from 7/14-15).

Additionally, PSI has just announced its partnership with the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill (UNC-Chapel Hill) School of Medicine to expand the PPD ACT.  The PPD ACT is an iPhone app previously released in the U.S. and Australia to study PPD, which is now expanding its reach to iPhones in Canada and to Android phones in the U.S. and Australia.  The app was designed to help understand why some women suffer from PPD and others don’t, in the hope of improving the ability to minimize risk and find more effective treatments.  Women with the app can participate in surveys and DNA testing to study the genes of those suffering from PPD.  This study is the first of its kind.  Last year, approximately 14,000 women enrolled in the study.  Many women who participated were successfully treated for PPD. Ultimately, the hope is to be able to expand the study across the globe.  To download the app or learn more about the study or PPD, click here. For more information about the PPD ACT, click here to access the UNC-Chapel Hill announcement and here for a HuffPost Canada post announcement.

National Coalition of Maternal Mental Health (NCMMH):
And last and most definitely not least, please have a look at how you can participate in Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week (May 1-7) led by the National Coalition of Maternal Mental Health (NCMMH).  Click here to see how you can partner along with other organizations, blogs, authors, mental healthcare providers, etc. in the awareness initiative by becoming a social media partner (like me) to NCMMH.  Help spread the word about the #1 complication of childbirth on Facebook and Twitter by changing your profile pictures and cover pictures, as well as re-tweeeting/re-posting digital messages from the NCMMH’s Twitter and Facebook accounts from May 1-7.

The Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder Center at Monmouth Medical Center – Grand Opening on May 4, 2017

Announcing the Grand Opening of The Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder Center at Monmouth Medical Center (MMC)!  This is such an exciting development for New Jersey that I’m taking the day off from work to attend this grand opening to meet the program’s multi-disciplinary team of experts and clinicians certified by Postpartum Support International.

When:  Thursday, May 4 at 1:00 p.m. (ribbon cutting starts then)
Where:  Maysie Stroock Pavilion (Pavilion & Second Avenue, Long Branch)
RSVP:  Email teamlink@rwjbh.org or call 888.724.7123
Agenda:  Speakers will include Mary Jo Codey (former NJ First Lady who will share her personal experience with postpartum depression (PPD), Lisa Tremayne, Robert Graebe, MD (Chairman of the OB/GYN Dept), and several PPD survivors who are former patients of the center.

Thank you to Lisa Tremayne, RN, CPPD, CBC, CCE — maternal child health nurse at MMC — for graciously providing the details of how New Jersey’s VERY FIRST perinatal mood and anxiety center of its kind has evolved under her persistent efforts.

After the birth of her triplets (after 6 years of not being able to conceive naturally and one round of IVF) in 1998, Lisa suffered from what she later learned was postpartum anxiety/postpartum OCD, which greatly affected her life as a new mom.  She experienced racing thoughts and living in a constant state of anxiety.  She never received help, no one ever questioned if she was okay, and it took years for her to fully recover.

It wasn’t until 2007 when she was at a mandated lunch and learn with the Central Jersey Family Health Consortium that she learned she had what they referred to as postpartum depression (PPD).  Not telling anyone about her experience, she started volunteering for the consortium, and helped patients find resources and help. In 2011 she became the MMC Childbirth Education Manager. As facilitator for a new moms support group she quickly realized many mothers were suffering from PPD.  She then received permission to start a PPD support group, which was instantly well received and attended by large numbers of mothers.  It was at that point she broke her silence and shared her experience with others. She presented her plan to start a PPD program to new business development, but it wasn’t until April 2015 that the plan was accepted and the program was started with the support of the chairperson of OB.  The program consisted of Lisa, a therapist and a psychiatric nurse practitioner on a part-time basis. Since then, the program has grown.  It is now a mother/baby program in which babies are not only allowed but encouraged to attend with their mothers so the staff can assess mother/baby attachment at all times.  Many classes/workshops are designed specifically for the mother/baby.

Lisa and the other dedicated members of the program are excited about the grand opening that is finally going to take place on May 4th!  To date there have been intakes of over 800 women, and 500 women have received medical evaluation, treatment and referrals to appropriate services through the program.  On average, there are 30 new patients a month.  Lisa hopes the program will evolve into a partial day stay program by 2018.  The program is interdisciplinary and every member is completely passionate about helping moms/babies, normalizing this temporary and treatable illness and educating the public that this is the #1 complication of childbirth.

The Fed is Best Onesie Drive – Now til May 13, 2017

I have previously blogged (click here and here) about the importance of a baby being fed….whether they are breastfed, bottle fed with pumped milk or formula, or a combination thereof–what matters is they are adequately fed. Period.

Partly because my focus has been on other things and also because it’s been over 11 years since I had my breastfeeding challenges, I haven’t blogged or even read any blog posts or articles on breastfeeding or the whole Breast is Best philosophy since, let’s see, two years ago (April 18, 2015 to be exact).  A couple of days ago, The Fed is Best Foundation reached out to me to see if I would be willing to blog about their fundraiser.  I told them I would be happy to, since the information they have to share is of extreme importance, and my mission is to help educate new mothers and their families to help reduce the risk of a postpartum mood disorder from occurring.

The Fed Is Best Foundation is a 501(c)(3) registered not-for-profit dedicated to the education and advocacy of safe infant feeding. The foundation believes no baby should ever go hungry and no mother should ever feel shamed for whatever feeding option best suits her situation, in order to prevent complications to babies that have become too common in today’s “Breast is Best” world. You can prevent such complications–and even tragic circumstances–with knowledge and support, which is what the foundation seeks to provide.

To help raise funds to support the foundation’s important work, it is hosting a Onesie Drive from now until May 13th, in which you can purchase a featured onesie at a special price!

Click here for more details about the drive on Facebook. Or click here for a direct link to the booster to order your onesie(s) today.  There will be a Photo Contest in June for all the adorable babies rocking Fed Is Best swag, so start thinking up poses for your precious baby!

If you hadn’t done so previously, please go over to the Fed is Best website to check out its links that provide:

1. The details of the personal experience of The Fed is Best co-founder Christie del Castillo-Hegyi, M.D. and her story as reflected in her letter to doctors and parents about the dangers of insufficient exclusive breastfeeding.
2. Helpful resources for parents, which I wish I had had access to when I was trying to breastfeed and suffered so many challenges that I’m sure contributed toward the postpartum depression I experienced.
3. An online petition to urge policymakers like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC and Surgeon General–in addition to hospitals and doctors– to support and educate mothers and their families on safe, clinically-effective infant feeding protocols, and to preventing infant starvation as a result of current well-intended but rigid breastfeeding protocols.  The petition page contains a video about newborn dehydration and how to avoid disastrous consequences.
4. The Fed is Best in the news (links to articles)

5. About The Fed is Best: mission, co-founders and advocates and advisors

Thank you in advance for your support of this worthy cause!

Sounds of Silence 9th Annual Run/Walk – April 29, 2017

I’m late in posting this…nowadays it’s just so easy to lose track of time!

Join the Sounds of Silence, Friends of the Postpartum Resource Center of New York’s 9th annual run/walk in memory and celebration of Lisa Mary Reilly and help raise funds in the effort to increase awareness of perinatal mood disorders, such as postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum OCD, and postpartum psychosis.   Not only is this for an excellent cause, it will be a nice opportunity to race (or walk) a beautiful 5K boardwalk along the Atlantic Ocean.

This annual fundraiser was started back in 2009 by sisters Erin Mascaro and Lisa Reilly. It was Lisa’s experience with PPD after the birth of her daughter–an experience so deeply painful and full of suffering (a suffering that many others like her feel forced to endure in silence) that was witnessed by Erin and other loved ones–that motivated Erin and Lisa to break the silence of PPD with the Sounds of Silence annual run/walk .

Please help spread the word about this fundraiser by blogging or sharing the flyer on Facebook/Twitter.

Sponsors Needed:  They are looking for sponsors, so companies looking for opportunities to support a wonderful cause that benefits mothers and their families should seriously consider this opportunity!  Click here for more info.

Date:  Saturday, April 29, 2017

Time:  Registration from 8:00-9:00; race/walk begins at 9:30 AM.  There will be a Kids Fun Run, Raffles, Food and more.

Place:   Jones Beach State Park, Wantagh, Long Island (Field 5)

Registration:  $25 (adults); $15 (ages 11-18); $5 (ages 10 and under); register here.

Virtual Participation:  For those of you who can’t make it in person, you can participate virtually by registering via this link.

Other Race Details:  The top female and male runners, plus top fundraiser, will receive awards.  Back in 2009, I was one of the two top fundraisers, bringing in over $1,000 (as an individual).

For More Information, please click here or here.

All proceeds will go towards supporting the important services the Postpartum Resource Center of New York, Inc., a 501(c)3 non-profit organization (tax ID #11-3449880), provides to new mothers and their families.  To learn more about its services, go to:  http://postpartumny.org.