*** This post was inspired by 2 songs, 2 experiences in the past 2 days (one in-person, one online),
and my dislike for fall. ***
I HATE THE FALL.
One, since I was a kid, fall meant the end of summer, which meant I had to go back to school. And I hated school. The sentiment hasn’t worn out through the years.
Two, I don’t like cold weather and not being able to wear shorts anymore. Cold weather dries my skin out. The flu and other cold germs abound during the winter months.
Three, I don’t like short days in which all daylight hours are spent indoors, sitting at a desk at work. You go to work, it’s dark. You come home, it’s dark.
Four, I don’t like it when there is nothing green left but the evergreens. Even the grass turns brown, as all the leaves fall and the trees become forlorn and bare.
Five, I don’t like grey skies. I love it when the sky is blue and the sun is shining.
Okay, now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy all things pumpkin — pumpkin picking (and hay rides and corn mazes too) at nearby farms, pumpkin latte, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins (you get the picture) — and the fall colors of red, yellow and orange are a sight to behold. See, I even stopped to take this picture this morning.
As it is, I’m already not a happy camper (no, I don’t have SAD, or seasonal affective disorder….I just hate this time of year, in general), so right now I’m trying my best not to succumb to the wrecking ball (cue Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball song, the last song that was playing before arriving back at the house after a day full of running errands) that fall is threatening to be to the Energizer® Bunny’s “takes a licking and keeps on ticking” mode I’ve adopted over the years, particularly ever since I finished my book.
This is where the accumulation of past experiences — low self esteem, dysfunctional relationships at home, moving so freaking much, racism, bullying, mean girls, gossiping, 24 years working for the same company and dealing with a variety of personalities (some of which were far from pleasant) and changing roles and responsibilities, difficulties starting a family, childbirth complications, postpartum depression — has molded me into the person I am today. I have come to realize, as a dear friend recently pointed out, that I am an “empath” As such, I have recently realized how much I like to support others. If I can help at least one person each day feel less alone in their experience, then it truly makes me happy.
Each day, with the time that I have commuting and before bedtime, I provide support to teens in a closed Facebook group called Stand for the Silent because I never received any support during my own teen years. I also try to provide support to mothers in a closed Facebook group called Mama’s Comfort Camp because I didn’t receive much support during my postpartum period (and I certainly didn’t get much support during my postpartum depression experience, which is why I wrote my book and why I blog). And I also provide support to colleagues at work because I’ve never had a mentor and was never fortunate enough to receive much advice/guidance during my career. Things for me have always been challenging. I always had to learn things the hard way (via trial by fire, or trial and error). I truly hate seeing people struggle while growing up, as a mother, and in the workplace. And I’ve recently vowed to make a difference for others in these situations.
Sometimes, like in the past few weeks, I feel burned out. Supporting people everyday and having to deal with crap at work and around me, in general, can get tiring when I don’t get enough support myself. With a full-time job and a daughter with daily homework (3rd grade and Chinese), that leaves very little time for myself, so keeping order in the house is left to be done on weekends. Work is non-stop and stressful every single day and it doesn’t help that doing the best you can amounts to NOTHING other than personal satisfaction from knowing that you did your absolute best helping people at work and using the skills and knowledge I’ve acquired over the years. Each day, I make the best out of a crappy situation. Unfortunately, certain days are made worse when nasty experiences threaten to time travel me back to my younger, more naive days with people treating me with disrespect — yelling at me (yes, this happened to me on Thursday) — despite the fact that all I did was reach out to them for guidance.
It’s not just in a a work setting that people don’t play nice. Life is one gigantic sandbox with grown adults acting like children. This is where I remind myself that — no matter how nice you are, there will be those who don’t like you JUST BECAUSE….No reason….JUST BECAUSE. That’s when you need to have enough sense to keep in mind that IT’S THEM, NOT YOU. You’re not the one with the issue. They’re the one with some deep-rooted issue. Nothing you do will make a difference, and you know what? You shouldn’t have to. This phenomenon traverses all age groups, races, religions, political parties, etc. It’s a crying shame. There seems to be one root cause: jealousy (and a need to make themselves feel better in their actions/words that cause someone else to feel bad).
Anyway, I just whipped up my own e-card via Some ECards of the sign I would want to flash every. single. time someone does not like me for no reason at all….and behaves in a feline (being mean, gossips, excludes, looks down on) fashion.
Well, I’m a little too old for this nonsense. Life is too short. I realize all too well (and I’ve said this in my blog and my book) that it’s impossible to be friends with everyone. But just know that there is no reason TO BE MEAN, TO GOSSIP, TO EXCLUDE, AND TO LOOK DOWN ON OTHERS. Not unless you’re a troll (or just a superficial, mean person at heart), in which case, say hello to karma. Because I do believe in it. Also? You might want to seek some help, cuz if you find satisfaction by making someone else miserable, then you have some serious underlying issues that need to be checked out by a professional, and I’m not kidding.
The fall may be coming and may be threatening to wreck my mood, but I’m going to keep on going in my Energizer® Bunny way. I’m going to end this post with a video of Katy Perry’s “Roar.” This song is a perfect companion to my motto “Hear me roar,” which is a call for others to join me that I say both at the beginning and end of my book. I especially like the imagery at about 2:07 to 2:15 in Katy’s video.
Here is my rendition of the lyrics from the song:
Take that, wrecking ball.
You may have threatened to knock me down,
But I’m going to stay standing,
Shaking the ground with the sound of my roar.
I didn’t come this far in my life to be so easily knocked down.
I’ve experienced enough in life to know that
I’m not going to let someone else dictate how I feel.
I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar!