Postpartum Pain – by Stacy M.

Thank you, Stacy, for once again sharing your gift of poetry on my blog.

Just eight months old
Lost and confused
Mommy had to go

As tears flowed
From tired eyes
I drove

Clenched the wheel
Held on tight
The most important
Ride of my life

Surrendered all my
Postpartum pain
I told them all
To please go on
Without me

I just couldn’t
Breathe
Or eat
Or see
Anything
In front of me
I felt like
Disappearing

I wasn’t sure
If I could go on
I was drifting
So far
And sinking
So fast

Fearing
Everything
And everyone
Blindsided
By the panic
And the pain
I thought for sure
The old me
Was gone
Long gone and
For good

All the fear
Abruptly
Turned my world
Pitch black

I wasn’t sure
If I could
Ever find
My way back
Or my old self
I was desperate
For help

Postpartum pain
Makes you lose
Your way
And your grip
Makes reality
Start to slip

It can rob you
Of your dreams
It’s deceiving
Gets you believing
That nobody
Not even yourself
Or your new baby
Or this life
Needs you

In all the darkness
That surrounded me
I was a tiny shadow
Of myself
Not even

Did anyone see
I was not okay
Did I really hide it
All too well
Who was in denial more
Me or my community
Why do we pretend
It will never make
Any sense

Just those few years ago
I stood at the edge
Ready to give up
The fight
Of a life I worked
So hard for
I had a home
With a husband
And children I adore
In a moment
I could have lost it all

My knees were buckling
In a flash I suddenly
Could not understand
What it was I was living for

Prisoner of my own mind
Paranoid of the judgment
Overwhelmed
Run down
Unsteady from
The incision that
Still felt so raw
Stitches barely
Holding me together
The healing felt like
Forever

Postpartum pain
Postpartum pain

Oh how thankful
Of where we are now
My little girl sleeping on me
All snugly and sound
As I still pick up all the pieces
Of that horrific transition

Postpartum pain
Postpartum pain

Will make you never the same

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A Reminder to New Moms: Get Outside As Much As You Can

If you’re a new mom and seeing this blog post, then I’m glad, cuz this post was written with you in mind!

There is a reason–actually, reasons–why people say you need to get outside as much as you can after you’ve recovered from childbirth.

Sunlight is good for you.
Click here for a post about the benefits of sunlight.

PLUS

Fresh air and exercise are good for you.  Being cooped up is NOT good for you.  
Refer to my past post “3 Pieces of Basic Advice for the New Mom.”
Exercise can be as simple as walking around your neighborhood (or in a mall in bad weather) to get that circulation going…and of course, brisk walking is better and once you feel up to it, jogging  is great for burning some of the pregnancy weight off.  Being cooped up paves the way to increased feelings of isolation, which feeds depression, negative thoughts and even a bit of agoraphobia–all of which happened to me when I got hit at 6 weeks postpartum with PPD.  I’m not saying that being cooped up for long periods of time will definitely lead to depression, negative thoughts and agoraphobia, but nothing good comes out of seclusion after you’ve had a baby. We are social beings that need a certain amount of interaction with others.  Just being around people, but not necessarily interacting to a great degree with any particular person(s), has its benefits.  Social support is a whole other matter that I’ve blogged about a lot in the past.

Of course, all this stuff is purely common sense, but with the whirlwind that makes up the first postpartum weeks, a first-time mother that doesn’t have a baby expert (doula or relative) helping out will need these reminders that self care is just as important as baby care.  If you’re anything like the overwhelmed and exhausted wreck that I was after I left the hospital 7 days after I gave birth and experienced childbirth complications, the basic necessity of getting outside will fall by the wayside all too easily.

By doing this for you, you are also doing this for the baby.

A healthy mom means a healthy baby.

 

 

Steve Bannon’s Ignorance on Mental Health

 *** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) and are sensitive to negative news events***

Here I am, posting again….wow, it’s now 3x in one month.  I haven’t posted with such frequency in a long time.  Guess you can say the state of this country is heavy on my mind.  I had said in my last post that I wasn’t going to talk politics since this site is dedicated to maternal mental health.  I was planning to stick to that guideline.  But then I hit a snag in my plans, thanks to a post I read about Bannon, the individual that Trump has selected to be his chief strategist.  Bannon made a comment about mental health that triggered me so much it had me flashing back to the trigger that set me off on a 6-year journey to publish a book about my postpartum depression (PPD) experience.  What trigger is that?  Well, if you’ve been following my blog for some time and/or you read my author bio, you would know that Tom Cruise and his There’s no such thing as a chemical imbalance comment triggered me back in 2005.  But the outcome of the trigger was good, as I have my blog and book as the end result. And yes, I do thank TC in my Acknowledgments.

There’s nothing good about this trigger related to Bannon, though.  TC is just an ignorant actor. But Bannon is an ignorant white supremacist who will have a role in the White House and will have far more negative consequences than TC ever had.  Bannon made a statement that the cure for mental illness is to spank your children more.  Excuse me?  What.The.Fuck. (oops, forgot to use $ or other symbol to fill in for the “u” for the very first time…..there’s a first time for everything, as they say).  I’ve truly had it with this whole election.  I’ve had it with all the hatred, misogyny and bigotry.  With the cheeto about to become our President and the alt right using him as a tool to ensure there are at least 4 years of revenge for the 8 years they had to suffer under President Obama, they have populated the leadership team with known racists (Bannon, Sessions, Flynn) and ensuring that racism becomes the new normal.  My passion for matters related to racism stems from my being bullied as a child for my race.  But I’m not going to digress here (even though anti-bullying is my other passion)……

Note: If you’re a Trump follower trolling this blog post and thinking I’m bullying Bannon or Trump, then think again.  Bullying is DIRECT harassment to them personally.  I’m exerting my 1st amendment right voicing my thoughts on my own blog.  Thank you very much.

<directing myself back on track….>

Bannon, just like I’ve been wishing to tell Tom Cruise in person, I wish I could tell YOU in person, if you’ve never been through mental illness yourself, then:
Shut the f*ck up.  
Shut.Your.Ignorant.Mouth.Up.  

And get educated about mental illness and how it REALLY works.  It’s not mind over matter, you dimwit.  Take a few minutes to read a blog post that may help you see the light when it comes to PPD.  There are plenty of articles from health organizations and blog posts on the Internet for you to learn the TRUTH behind mental illness.  But I’m pretty sure you won’t bother to spend a second to read anything because you think you know it all, don’t you.

Here’s where, if I could be granted 3 genie wishes, one of them would be to make all haters/bigots switch places with the ones being hated and the ones who keep insisting that mental illness is mind over matter to switch places with those who are battling a mental illness (e.g., depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, etc.).  You will learn in an instant that the logic you’ve been upholding is COMPLETELY WRONG.  See my past post on this titled “All It Takes Is One Day.”  One day to experience a mental illness yourself, firsthand……THAT’S ALL IT TAKES to snap you to reality and stop living in a world based on assumptions (that only make a$$es out of you).

And speaking of backwards, as women, we should not let ourselves be dragged backwards when it comes to our rights. We must stand up for ourselves and for each other.  We must work harder than ever to support organizations that will help us stay on track when it comes to mental health and women’s rights, especially during the time that women are most vulnerable–i.e., before, during and after childbirth.  Please join me in doing this!

If you’re a mom suffering from PPD right now, please be comforted in knowing that there are plenty of people in this country and around the world who care enough to make it a goal to help moms like you.  Please reach out to me, reach out to others with blogs, Facebook pages….we will help you get through this.

You WILL get through this.  I got through it stronger than ever before, and so can you!

Peace to you.

Join the PSI 2015 MMH Awareness Campaign: Strengthening support networks and services for moms and families worldwide!

As May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, Postpartum Support International is kicking off a campaign to raise awareness of postpartum mood disorders and the importance of supporting new moms and their families.

Click here to view the fundraising goals and perks (books signed by the authors, including my very own “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood,” videos, baseball caps, stress-relief balls, etc.), as well as ways to help out with this very important campaign.

 

Attention Postpartum Depression Survivors in New York City

Just a quick post from me today to alert moms in New York City of an opportunity to share their postpartum depression (PPD) experiences.

Your stories will enable the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene (DOHMH) to learn about the needs of women who have experienced PPD.

We can only make progress in the development of services for new mothers if mothers speak up and share their experiences with others.  That’s akin to the social support structure that used to exist years and years ago when families lived close to one another and women in communities supported one another.

With increased services tailored to new mothers, we have a better shot at decreasing the occurrence of PPD and for those who do experience it, to help speed up their recovery and reduce negative outcomes.

So, please, if you are in New York City, please call Quiana Cooper at 212-235-6232 or e-mail her at qcooper@globalstrategygroup.com.

Women that participate in a focus group will receive a thank you of $100.

All responses and information will remain confidential.

Happy 1st Birthday, STIGMAMA!

I am proud of my friend, Dr. Walker Karraa, for so many reasons.  Today, I would like to acknowledge and congratulate her for the success of her amazing blog, STIGMAMATM. Happy 1st birthday, STIGMAMATM!!!

You have grown soooo quickly! In what feels like less than a year to me–because last year went by so fast–you have had over 70 contributors, garnered over 16,000 followers on Facebook, and been recognized as a leading health blog, and the list goes on. You are the fastest growing blog specifically about mothers (of all ages), mental illness, and accompanying stigma.

I have not had a chance to contribute to you as of yet because I spent half of last year studying for two exams. But I am definitely going to join the ranks of the over 70 contributors that have written for you to date.

If you haven’t followed Dr. Walker and STIGMAMATM by now, please do. They are on a mission to help eradicate stigma. Let’s join them on that mission!

If you are a blogger, please join the blog hop to wish StigmamaTM a very happy 1st birthday, and many, many, many more! Create your blog post, click on the button below, and add your information to the blog hook-up page that comes up via InLinkz.  Not a blogger?  That’s okay.  There are many other ways you can help celebrate. You can spread the word about StigmamaTM to your friends.  On Twitter, you can chat with Dr. Karraa and her contributors and other followers by using @Stigmama1 or #StigmamaBirthday. On Facebook, you can leave Dr. Karraa and her contributors a message(s) on the Stigmama Facebook page.

Lovely Book Review Over at Resplendent by Design

A friend of a friend, Bobbi Parish, therapist and author of the blog Resplendent by Design and book “Create Your Own Sacred Text” has written a very lovely book review of my book “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood.”  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Bobbi, for taking the time out of your very busy schedule to read my book and write a book review.

One of the many rewards for writing my book–aside from the personal satisfaction of seeing the fruit of your six years of labor result an attractive book with content that can help make a positive difference for others–is making new connections, especially ones who would go out of their way to spread the word about a fellow mom’s book intended to help other moms.  Another reward is knowing that you are contributing in some small measure toward reaching mothers and their families with information that can help empower them to recognize when they are suffering from a perinatal mood disorder, where to go for help, what the treatment options are….not to mention, realize that what they are going through is experienced by more women than they will ever know, they have no need to feel guilty, and they will be well again with the right help.

The best part of Bobbi’s review is the fact that she is recommending my book for patients of obstetricians, midwives and doulas:

In my opinion, this is a book that should be on every Obstetrician, Midwife and Doula’s shelf and in their waiting room. It should also be on a list of resources about Postpartum Disorders handed out to every pregnant woman by their health care professional. It will absolutely help women battle this insidious mental health disorder and thereby enable them to have a healthier, happier postpartum period with the full capacity to care for and bond with their newborn.

Please go over to her blog and read the rest of her book review.

If you are an obstetrician, midwife or doula, please consider following Bobbi’s recommendation of 1) keeping a copy of my book in your waiting room and 2) including my book on a list of resources which I hope you already have (and if not, please consider putting one together now) about perinatal mood disorders handed out to your pregnant patients.

If you have stumbled across my blog and want to read more about my motherhood journey and what I learned from it, please consider buying a copy.  My book is available at Amazon via Kindle and both paperback and hard cover format.

If you know a mom who has found herself as blindsided and scared as I found myself when I was hit hard by postpartum depression, please consider buying her, or recommending she buy, a copy of my book.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.