It’s late, I’m tired, but I just want to squeeze in this quick post to let you know that voting has begun for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Postpartum Depression Blogs. You have from now until 5:00 PM PST (or 8:00 PM EST), February 21st to vote (daily, if you’d like) for your favorite PPD blogs….and there are many awesome ones! I hope those of you who’ve found my blog helpful will vote for moi!
Thank you!
Here’s my second quick blog post for today. This one was inspired by a good article titled “My Parenting Village” that I stumbled across that was posted last June by Ann Douglas on The Life Channel Network. Ann writes about her experience as a mother for the first time and how she found that the secret to parenting success is accepting help and advice from other parents/friends/neighbors. She participated in parenting support groups, used daycare services, looked to her neighbor for help/advice, and formed friendships with other new parents.
I love the following:
After all, it’s not enough to care for the child: the village needs to care for the parents as well, by creating a place where support can be offered and information can be shared. It’s such a simple idea: investing in parents and children. And the dividends are incredible: brighter futures, happier families, stronger and more stable communities.
The article doesn’t touch on what happens when the stress of being a first-time mother, as well as inadequate social support, can be a major factor in postpartum depression (PPD). I devote a whole chapter in my book on the topic of social support–including what it entails and the history of it in this country (including the whole “village” approach of older generations) versus other countries–and many other relevant details including biopsychosocial risk factors of PPD, and advice–all of which I wish I had known about BEFORE I had my baby. Having that knowledge might have prevented me from succumbing to PPD. Consider buying a copy (soft cover, e-book and hard cover versions available for purchase via Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers). Thank you! 
Posted in parenting | Tags: it takes a village, parenting, postpartum depression, PPD, social support
One of two real quickie posts from me today, and I never post 2 at the same time! Thanks to Twitter, I am in better shape news-wise than before, that’ s for sure!
Back in August 2010, a bill referred to as “An Act Relative to Postpartum Depression” was passed and went into effect in Massachusetts. Click here for my previous post on this. Today, there was a Boston Globe article titled “All mothers need to be screened for postpartum depression” posted by Marjorie Pritchard that provides an update on the state’s progress. Although funding for the heart of the bill–universal screening and public awareness initiatives–has been practically non-existent, progress is being made that includes the state Department of Public Health issuing regulations on best practices and data collection for screening.
Additionally, the mission of a 34-person Commission chaired by Emily Story (Democratic state representative from Amherst), and made up of health care providers, insurance representatives, survivors, legislators and state agency representatives–among many others–is to come up with best practices in screening/referrals/treatment, public awareness, and education of healthcare professionals. Basically, the development of systemic solutions to postpartum depression so desperately needed to help women and their families get the help they need when it comes to an illness that strikes so many new mothers.
It’s certainly encouraging to see such progress–albeit slow and steeped with challenges (in the form of funding and the state of the economy and health insurance)–in Massachusetts. Before the end of this decade, I’d like to see all 50 states working to achieve the same goals with respect to maternal (and family) well-being !
On the eve of the Lunar New Year, wishing you a HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON. Gong Xi Fa Cai! Gong Hay Fat Choy! 新年快樂
Whether you celebrate Lunar New Year or not, it’s close enough to the actual Western calendar that welcomed its new year only 23 days ago for you to observe this as yet another opportunity to bid adieu to the old and usher in the new. Chinese traditional new year customs include cleaning one’s home, a symbolic sweeping out of the old year to welcome the new year. I only wish I were motivated to do that today. It’s hard when you’re bummed about how the snowstorm and ice foiled our family’s plans to celebrate today with relatives. Boo to winter, snow, ice, sleet….!
So, here I am, unmotivated to do much of anything, and I’m on Twitter. I’ve been slowing getting back up to speed on Twitter these past couple of weeks, and I’ll have to say that if it weren’t for my new iPhone, I wouldn’t be. Yes, the iPhone has actually made it possible for my return to Twitter! Wahoo! So, I am able to tweet before and after work and on weekends, time permitting. With Twitter, I actually get access to some very interesting articles.
The interesting reading I stumbled across was a Time article titled “The Parenting Trap: Why You Shouldn’t Care What Others Think of How You Raise Your Kids” by Bonnie Rochman. It grabbed my intention instantly and got my writing juices flowing…and hence, this blog post. This is a topic very near and dear to my heart. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll recall that I’ve previously blogged about competitive parenting. You’ll also know that I’ve fessed up many a time about my low self confidence. As I’ve known and as this article confirms, low self confidence (or low self esteem) doesn’t help when you feel that you’re surrounded by judgmental, competitive parents.
Who hasn’t worried about what the neighbors think of your chaotic attempt to get everyone out the door in the morning with homework and lunch in tow, or how teachers and other parents might judge the brands of clothing or food you buy?
Being good parents, it seems, is all about balancing these pressures and knowing which ones are worth sweating about. New research finds that having high self-imposed standards can actually be beneficial, while caring what other playground parents think about the stroller you push or your decision to not buy organic milk may in fact undermine your confidence and up your stress levels.
Remember this…..
Life, and all that it’s comprised of, is not all black and white with nothing in-between. It’s all different shades. When it comes to parenting, there is no one right approach. It’s not all black and white, and as such, the last thing people should do is pass judgment on others. While you can’t control what other people do, you, my friend, can do yourself a favor if you currently fall under the societal-oriented parenting perfectionist bucket. Stand firm. Don’t let what other people say or do get to you. I know it’s hard. It’s been hard for me. If someone tries to one-up you (the video has some juicy examples), don’t let that bring you down. Don’t think you are less of a parent than they are. Walk away from the situation. Refuse to play the silly one-up game. Plus, who wants to listen to the continued bragging, anyway?
Out with the old you who might crumble and get all bent out of shape over a one-upper or judgmental parent.
In with the new you who would hold your chin up high and–like the 2nd woman in the video–walk away from the situation, maintaining calm and keeping the mantra of “Everyone parents differently. I’m doing a great job. No one’s going to make me feel otherwise.”
Is it true? What? All the noise about Beyonce giving birth to her baby girl, Blue Ivy–oh, what a beautiful name (I mean the Ivy part, ahem)–at Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan, a very BUSY hospital in one of the largest cities in the world….a hospital that supposedly accepted $1.3 million from Beyonce and her hubs Jay-Z to have a whole floor to themselves. That’s not all, the NICU–or neonatal intensive care unit–is on that floor! The NICU is where preemies and babies with congenital conditions needing urgent care stay until they are well enough to leave the hospital.
This leads to parents with babies in the NICU not only being inconvenienced, but stressed out more than they already were because they couldn’t visit their babies without having security guards getting in their way. Parents like Neil Coulon (just one of the 3 examples I’ve read about) who was supposedly prevented from visiting his preemie twins in the NICU over the past weekend, couldn’t walk the floors without bumping into and being questioned by security guards, and whose visitors got booted out of the waiting room by those security guards.
I just can’t believe Lenox Hill Hospital would allow something like this to happen. It’s one thing to have security guards in front of Beyonce’s room. It’s another thing entirely when they take over an entire floor that includes the NICU! Money or no money, Lenox Hill Hospital should have taken all the other parents and their babies into consideration. Seems the hospital forgot its other patients in the face of such celebrity presence…oh, and the $1.3 million. If this is in fact true, then shame on them!
It is critical that parents be able to visit their babies in the NICU….both for the babies’ sake and for the parents’ sake. The babies need to feel their parents’ loving touches, albeit through glass and gloves…while the parents need to be by their babies’ sides physically and emotionally. As I mentioned in previous posts about postpartum depression risk ractors, the new mom with a baby in the NICU is at heightened risk to the high levels of stress that persists for as long as the baby is in critical condition. Click here and here .
Hell, this couple is so loaded, why couldn’t they just pay Beyonce’s OB/GYN and staff to go to her house and deliver the baby there? Oh, that’s right….she had a C-section, which probably requires special equipment in the standard OR (and to reduce the risk of something going wrong and the subsequent lawsuit). If she hadn’t opted for a C-section, a midwife (or Beyonce’s OB/GYN and some nurses) could’ve performed an in-home delivery.
If I were a new mom in the hospital and my baby was in the NICU and I was prohibited from visiting my baby–and God forbid I couldn’t get to the baby and the baby was experiencing a setback–my husband and I would’ve contacted a lawyer by now.
Posted in parenting, postpartum depression, PPD | Tags: Beyonce, Blue Ivy, Lenox Hill Hospital, neonatal intensive care unit, NICU, postpartum depression, PPD, preemies
I was on my way home from work today and thinking it wasn’t such a bad day…that is, until I stumbled across a post on Facebook. This post made it clear there was yet again an ignorant comment(s) made about perinatal mood disorders. I went to Twitter to see what the ruckus was about. Someone–and I’m not going to say who it is because I feel no need to advertise her blog post and give it any more attention than it may have already gotten–put up a blog post today that poses the question of how it is that moms with postpartum depression (PPD) can use their illness as an excuse, a get-out-of-jail card, for killing their babies……okay, then…right.
[WARNING: I realize that there are moms out there suffering from a postpartum mood disorder that should not be reading articles that will only cause them further distress. So, if you are currently suffering from a postpartum mood disorder, you should probably wait until you are feeling more strong before reading the following post.]
Yep, here we go again. Another case of stigma and ignorance skipping along, hand-in-hand, with the mindset of an innocent child, with limited maturity, experience, and know-how. A case of instinct to judge, label, hate and turn a blind eye. The primitive reflex of wanting to see justice done regardless of what the circumstances truly are. I could picture this blogger (and someone else who posted a comment in her favor)–and just about everyone else who is as ignorant as her and chooses to stay that way–picking up stones and wanting to hurl them at any mom whose circumstances may follow that of an Andrea Yates–who had postpartum psychosis. Remember the recent cases of women getting stoned to death over in the Middle East? How we were all horrified at the injustice of it all. And yet here we are judging and passing on guilty verdicts, regardless of circumstances?
Here’s the comment I posted on the woman’s blog:
Firstly, let me just say that everyone is allowed to wonder things, especially when you don’t have any personal experience with an illness such as postpartum depression–or in the cases you cite (Andrea Yates, Otty Sanchez), postpartum psychosis–AND you’re not a medical/mental health professional. But let’s just get something straight here. There is a HUGE difference between postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum psychosis. I blogged about this very thing back in Sept ’10 when certain comments–comments made out of ignorance– rubbed me the wrong way. It’s not through your fault or the public’s fault that there is not a whole lot of knowledge about perinatal mood disorders out there. But it’s the lack of awareness that is causing the general population to have misconceptions, which can be very dangerous. Dangerous in that mothers who suffer from a perinatal mood disorder suffer the consequence (e.g., fear of getting help, fear of being labeled another Andrea Yates when in fact Andrea had postpartum psychosis, far rarer than PPD). And that really pisses me off. These misconceptions cause a vicious cycle of ignorance and incorrect generalizations and assumptions–such as moms deliberately setting out to use PPD (not even the right term illness) to escape punishment for killing their babies. Before you go running around proclaiming that the mother who is devastated by a horrible illness such as postpartum psychosis and in rare instances may kill her baby deserves to be put to death herself, become knowledgeable about postpartum psychosis. So, please read the article by Katherine Stone (that link was provided via a tweet today), and please read this: http://ivysppdblog.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/postpartum-psychosis-know-the-facts-and-stop-judging-based-on-ignorance/
There is a whole lot more to it than you think.
We need to open our eyes. Really know the facts before we start labeling, judging, and hating.
Feeling overwhelmed after your new baby?
Come join the 4th of a series of teleconferences offered by SPARKS to help new moms learn coping skills, gain support, and join together with other new moms. Here are the Call-In Details:
For more information about SPARKS or the Confidential Crisis Hotline, please call 718-2-SPARKS (718-277-2757) or visit the SPARKS website. This teleconference is completely confidential.
Feel free to invite other mommy friends to join! Please spread the word!
At times, I find my self confidence in need of a boost. Right now, I’m faced with one of those times. I’m questioning my ability to reach people, to touch them with my writing. I question it because I sometimes don’t feel like I’m making any strides. Am I making a difference for someone? Is anyone really even reading my blog? I’m not sure because, even though my stats tell me I get a steady stream of visitors each day, I don’t get comments much. Heck, I don’t even get any accolades. But then again, even if I did, I would go running for the nearest stone to hide under because I’ve never been able to take any compliments from anyone.
Granted, my work hours are such that I only have evenings and weekends to keep up with social media efforts. I can’t tweet during work hours because I don’t have access and I would lose my job if I did. I don’t have time to visit anyone’s blogs, so keeping up with and developing relationships with other bloggers has been nearly impossible. Though I am a strong writer, I am not like some of the other writers out there who write so brilliantly that I get goose bumps from reading their work. Writers such as the ones who were recognized by Katherine Stone as the Top 20 PPD bloggers of 2011. Writing is a craft, and these women have mastered it. I salute these women for their honest, open, beautiful and inspirational writing.
I saw a post today on Facebook from a friend of mine. He does what I wish I could do. He saves lives. He works in an emergency room. He is able to deal with what I can’t deal with. Urgent situations while staying calm and collected. Seeing very traumatic injuries while not letting it get the better of you. Going to this on a day-to-day basis and not let past negative experiences keep you from doing your job. In fact, the comment I left for him earlier today said “Only certain people can handle these situations on a day-to-day basis. Thank God for people like you. I certainly would not be able to.” And what was his response? ”Ivy, everyone has gifts. I admire the work you do.” To which I said “Oh, pleeeeaaaaase.” And his response: “IVY! A book! A blog! Helping….women! That’s a gift.”
Sometimes my friend can be a bit sarcastic; hence, the words left out of the last sentence. Anyway, getting back to what I was saying before. My self esteem–or lack thereof–is such that I find myself struggling with keeping it from tanking, be it at work, in social situations, and with the work I do outside of work (i.e., my blog, my book). It doesn’t help that, culturally speaking, I already have the inclination to be, um, modest. I am a 1st generation Chinese (1st generation living in the U.S.) who can speak Mandarin fluently and possess 2 out of the 3 main attributes of the typical Chinese individual (honesty and humility). Humility will not, unfortunately, help me to get copies of my book sold (and in so doing help spread awareness of the most common complication of childbirth that is still so misunderstood/undertreated and stigmatized all around the world), so I need to really ramp up my speaking skills and fear of public speaking…. and quick. I need to do radio shows, book signings, book readings, etc. But I’m just one big scaredy cat. 
What’s the 3rd attribute of a typical Chinese individual? It’s keeping one’s emotions and thoughts to onself. Here’s where I part ways from the typical Chinese individual. I don’t keep my emotions and thoughts to myself. I put all–or rather, practically all–my thoughts out there on Facebook. I blog. I have a book that shares all my thoughts and experiences while suffering from PPD. I keep telling myself that a PPD book written by a Chinese woman could potentially appeal—and appeal strongly—to audiences all over the world. Why? Well, first of all, PPD is an illness experienced by women worldwide. Second, it’s a fairly big deal for ANY woman to share their PPD story, let alone a woman of Asian ethnicity, since people of Asian ethnicity are not particularly prone to or fond of speaking up or out. They tend to keep their emotions bottled up and thoughts and experiences to themselves. I could be starting a trend with Asian folks….that would be SO AWESOME!
I really need all the luck I can get at this point…to leave my self esteem issues and humility behind and adopt the voice behind “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood,” a voice that Jane Honikman, Founder of Postpartum Support International describes as being “strong, loud, and clear…..and through the written words on each page you can hear her roar.”
Posted in motherhood | Tags: Letter to daughter, motherhood
In the West Islip, NY area on Saturday, December 10, 2011? Join the Breakfast with Santa charity event to benefit the Postpartum Resource Center of New York! There will be two seatings, one at 9am and one at 11am. The event will be held at Westminster United Presbyterian Church in West Islip, NY. Tickets for ages 2 and above are $10 each. For tickets contact Santa’s Helper at 631/422-2255 or info@postpartumny.org. You can also click here for more details.
The fruit of weekends and weeknights dedicated to reading, writing, editing, and attending writers’ conferences and conferences on perinatal mood disorders across a span of 6-1/2 years….my labor of love….is finally about to get published! It has been such a satisfying journey. I would recommend it to anyone without hesitation. “One Mom’s Journey to Motherhood: Infertility, Childbirth Complications, and Postpartum Depression, Oh My!” will be available for sale via Amazon and Barnes & Noble within the next 4-6 weeks!
I have learned a tremendous amount about myself, about perinatal disorders, and about publishing during this journey. I’ve also learned how challenging it really is to get a book published. Without a whole lot of personal guidance from anyone, I saw my book from start to finish. As with anything in life–be it motherhood, your career, or getting a book published–it helps to have a mentor or two along the way. Unfortunately, I haven’t had luck finding any mentors of any kind in my life. Granted, I did have some help, but a MENTOR would have made such a huge difference. Why is it that it’s so gosh darned hard to find mentors is beyond me. But you know what? I made the most of the limited resources I had….and I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.
I encourage all you moms who are suffering or have survived from postpartum depression (PPD), to add your book to the small number of books about PPD survivors. Yes, there are books out there about PPD, but they are for the most part written by health practitioners….or celebrities like Marie Osmond and Brooke Shields (hardly representative of the average mama). There is a lack of personal stories of survival in book form…and I would love to see a growth in the numbers of mamas willing to add their names to the list of authors of books on PPD!
As such, if you are interested in writing a book about your PPD story but are unsure how to get started (or have some questions or would like some advice), please do not hesitate to drop me a comment, and I will email you back and we’ll see what I can do to help you start your journey to becoming an author!
With the completion of this book, I am now moving on to my next one…on a topic I’m also passionate about! Will share more details when I’m ready!
Posted in motherhood, mothers, postpartum depression, PPD, publishing | Tags: One Mom's Journey to Motherhood, postpartum depression, PPD
….that I’m still struggling to get out of its grasp, that I’m still battling demons and/or that I’m still dealing with unresolved issues– like guilt, regret, or anger– from my experience nearly 7 years ago.
I have friends and colleagues–and acquaintances to whom I tell about my postpartum depression (PPD) experience–who ask me, even today, whether I’m okay. I look at them quizzically and try to deciper what they mean by that question. I ask them, “Oh, you mean, am I fully recovered from PPD?” And they nod their heads. I tell them “Well, heck, yeah….I’ve completely recovered and been off my meds for nearly 6 years. I have no residual issues I’m still battling from my difficult childbirth and postpartum experience.” I couldn’t be more honest to them and to myself for saying that. Period.
I think some of them have their doubts. Why? Because I seem to be focusing a lot of my time on things that have to do with PPD. My book. My blog. Postpartum Support International conferences, fundraisers, friends. My “liking” PPD-related pages on Facebook. My taking on an interest to articles, blogs, news, conversations that mention perinatal mood disorders. I seem to be a different person to them than before I had PPD. Well, after writing a book for 6-1/2 years and blogging for 2-1/2 years, and a lot of other things going on–like my world revolving around my daughter’s daily schedule of school, activities, etc.–being a “different” person isn’t quite how I’d put it. People evolve over time. That’s just a natural occurrence. Priorities change. Life circumstances change. Friendships change. Experiences change people. As I mentioned before, I believe my PPD experience has made a significant impact on my life. It has changed me for the better by opening my eyes to how closed the eyes of people around me really are with respect to perinatal mood disorders. Actually, to depression, in general. Lack of knowledge leads to stigma, which we really can do without. But how are we going to fight the stigma? By speaking up.
So, to all those who know me and wonder if I have truly and completely recovered from PPD….rest assured, I have. But does being fully recovered and being at peace with what happened to me nearly 7 years ago mean I’m now going to close a door on that chapter? No, I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing to try to help other mothers realize the truths versus myths of motherhood, as well as the importance of adequate social and practical support, sleep, and self care during the first several weeks postpartum!
For those of you mommies who are fighting the PPD battle right now, even though it may seem that you will never see the end of the dark tunnel, you will survive. With the right help and support, you’ll be alright!
Posted in motherhood, mothers, perinatal depression, postpartum depression, PPD | Tags: perinatal mood disorders, postpartum depression, PPD
I just stumbled across this article by Dr. Harvey Karp on Huffington Post today, which goes into some of the really good reasons why infants should be swaddled.
Each year, an estimated 3,000 infant deaths are the result of sleep-related deaths, like Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and accidental suffocation. Since the Back to Sleep campaign launched 19 years ago–in which organizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) work with health care providers and hospitals to ensure parents are aware that sleeping on the back is the safest way for babies to sleep–there has been a significant decline in the number of SIDS deaths. However, the number of accidental suffocation deaths are surprisingly–and quite unfortunately–on the rise. The AAP has recently issued a new set of guidelines that includes complete avoidance of tummy sleeping, as well as avoiding bed-sharing (i.e., sleeping in the same room but not in same bed) and soft, saggy sleep surfaces.
Swaddling is highly recommended by many children’s organizations, including the AAP. But it is important to know how to correctly swaddle your infant in order to ensure it is done safely and effectively. Dr. Karp’s article goes into the keys to and potential benefits of safe swaddling.
When swaddling is combined with the other 5 S’s techniques (shushing, swinging, sucking) I elaborated on in my recent post, it can reduce other serious problems triggered by infant crying/parental exhaustion, including postpartum depression. In Dr. Karp’s article, he indicates that infant irritability (and hence, parental exhaustion) is a leading cause of sleep-related deaths–examples of which he provides and which have a direct correlation with the new guidelines issued by the AAP that I mention above (i.e., tummy sleeping and accidentally falling asleep with their baby nestled against their bodies on an unsafe surface, like their bed, a recliner or couch).
Posted in postpartum depression, PPD | Tags: Back to Sleep, Dr. Harvey Karp, postpartum depression, PPD, SIDS, swaddling, The 5 S's
I’ve blogged previously about people who–despite seemingly good intentions–blog about a topic they claim having subject matter expertise but don’t really. Refer to my blog post from a couple months back about breastfeeding…a post that was better left in the author’s Drafts until she got her facts straight. The outcome was an uproar about how breastfeeding should be a mother’s choice rather than being forced upon everyone without considering their situation.
Well, this time, there was uproar once again, but I was a few hours too late to see what it was really about….which is fine by me because I was having a very stressful day Thursday, and the last thing I needed was an article that provides misleading information to the public about postpartum depression (PPD) to put me over the edge. I never had a chance to read the full article, but if you click here, you’ll see most of the original text. Evidently, it was modified from the time it was first posted, started to receive unfavorable comments, and was then subsequently pulled. I’m grateful for the many responses to the article on the Postpartum Progress Facebook page. I did go to the author’s own website and saw how her techniques could “prevent PPD”…….all at a cost. It reminded me of my previous post of a sure-fire cure for PPD…all at a cost. Nothing ticks me off more than, whether intentionally ignorant or not, misinformation about PPD. We’re trying to raise public awareness of the truth, not increase the stigma at the expense of maternal (and consequently, family) health.
If you didn’t suffer from PPD and/or you aren’t a professional psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or other health care professional dedicated to treating mothers with PPD, you probably wouldn’t see anything wrong with the article. But please note that, with no mention of the biological aspects of PPD–which are of utmost importance if you want to truly understand what PPD is, why it occurs, understand the risk factors and how you can minimize your risk for it, and how to treat it– the article is leading the public to believe that the cause is purely psychological. The gist of the article implies that PPD is no big deal and you hold the key to preventing PPD from occurring by doing X, Y, and Z. Basically, it’s another attempt to try to tell you that PPD is purely mind over matter. You can empower yourself to prevent it from happening, and if it does, you can sure as heck snap right out of it all on your own accord. A PPD mom’s #1 pet peeve expression: “Snap out of it.” Makes me grit my teeth everytime I hear it.
Though it’s true that knowledge is empowering and if you were to understand PPD and why it occurs, you can minimize risk for it, you CANNOT completely guarantee that a new mom won’t succumb to it if there are certain biopsychosical factors that are making her particularly vulnerable to it at that point in time. A mom with PPD experiences physical symptoms (e.g., insomnia, weight loss) due to altered neurotransmitter levels resulting from a combination of biopsychosocial factors. Some of those factors are out of your control, like your hormones crashing, events that occur during labor & delivery that prove to be traumatic, baby in the NICU for a period of time, and so on.
For accurate information on PPD, visit Postpartum Support International and Postpartum Progress.
Posted in mothers, postpartum depression, PPD, women | Tags: mind over matter, postpartum depression, PPD, preventing PPD, public awareness, snap out of it
Glad you can join me as I participate in the very first blog party devoted to World Mental Health Day, hosted by PsychCentral. I am happy to be one of the bloggers from all over the world who are coming together today to help increase public awareness of mental health concerns, and welcome to World Mental Health Day (October 10), designated by the World Health Organization (WHO) to help spotlight the lack of care mental disorders all too often receive around the world.
I’d like to start my post–the original title of which was going to be Let’s Let Our Voices Be Heard: Conquering the Stigma of Mental Illness Together–by asking you what motivated you to start blogging.
All three reasons motivated me to blog about the topic I am utterly passionate about: postpartum depression (PPD). Other than sharing my own experiences and providing lessons learned from those experiences, my posts would very often address recent developments in this country, particularly as it pertains to PPD in the media (newspapers, television, Internet), legislative developments, and ignorant comments I happen to stumble across in newspapers and online.
What’s my #1 peeve? I’ve said it before on this blog and will say it again. Let’s say it together now: Behavior & remarks made out of ignorance, prejudism, condescension. I have zero tolerance for any of this, thanks to my wonderful high school experience. While growing up, I was taunted and isolated at junior/senior high school by an all-white crowd for….I’ll give you one guess. Yep, being Chinese. As a consequence of my teenage experiences, I am a passionate anti-bullying advocate. I am determined to become active in my community when it comes to taking a stand against bullying. Heck, who knows? I may become active at the state or even federal level. Another consequence of my teenage years–when the kids had their own cliques, didn’t like the way I looked, didn’t liked the way I dressed, and just plain looked down at me in general…I’ve become quite intolerant of behavior/remarks made out of ignorance and condescension.
Which leads me to where I stand today. I’ve spent the past 6 years working on a book (which should be out by Thanksgiving) and the past 2-1/2 years blogging (has it really been that long already?) because of the following:
Yesterday morning, an encounter with someone I know almost threw a wrench in the day that I had planned with my daughter. It took me until I wrote this post last night to put 1 and 2 together to figure out why in the world I was in tears by the time I got home. It’s because 2 of my 3 triggers–or actually “crushing blow” points–were pulled today. There was a momentary lapse in my determination to stand strong against these types blows. (believe it or not, in the past couple of years, I’ve noticed a personal transformation due to an increased self confidence due to my blog, the book I’m just about to publish, and public speaking classes; at work, I’m able to let certain people/circumstances slide while in the past I would’ve been crushed).
What were the 2 things that bothered me so much yesterday?
Okay, now more on the topic at hand. Postpartum depression (PPD). This has been the topic I’ve dedicated the last 6 years to my book and the last 2-1/2 years to my blog.
If asked what the number one complication of childbirth is today, most people would probably say C-sections. One would never think that depression is the leading complication of childbirth because no one ever talks about their experience. As a result, so many cases go unreported and untreated. This is more than likely the reason why, aside from ignorance about PPD and stereotypes of motherhood, postpartum illnesses don’t receive the attention of health practitioners, hospitals, and funding for education and public awareness that they deserve.
Frankly, I’m amazed that there is still so much ignorance about PPD. That ignorance is perpetuated by the lack of information about PPD available to the public, not to mention the general unwillingness of people to talk about it. Had I known about PPD before I had my baby, I would not have suffered the way I had suffered, not knowing what in the world was wrong with me. Ignorance, or the fear of not knowing, can intensify an already bad situation exponentially. There is no need for that kind of suffering, especially at a time when a new mom should be enjoying her baby. After all, she only has one shot at experiencing her baby’s first few months.
Before my own experience with PPD, I’d never really heard much about it before. I thought it was rare. I’d heard of the occasional sad news of a stillbirth or miscarriage, but in terms of experiences after the baby’s arrival, I’d only heard women rave about how great motherhood is. I’d never heard of any terrible motherhood experiences. I never thought it would be something that would happen to me. I thought it was all a matter of mind over matter.
Had I known that as many as one out of eight new mothers develop PPD, I would’ve tried to become familiar with what it is, its risk factors, and its symptoms before having my baby, and I would’ve never traveled that long, lonely, and dark road during those dreadful weeks I was sick with PPD. But I emerged from my PPD experience much smarter and stronger than before, and for that, I am grateful.
Having PPD is so embarrassing and difficult to talk about, that most women will not tell their stories to people they know, let alone to the world. There’s this fear of being judged, criticized, and labeled as inferior mothers. Well, I am not afraid to tell my story, especially if it means helping other mothers. I want to make a positive impact by empowering women with knowledge about an illness that is more prevalent than people think.
From all the books and articles I’ve read, it appears that denial, embarrassment, and/or pride keep women from admitting they have any psychological issues. Out of curiosity to see if this holds true, and since I am unafraid of admitting to anyone, even a stranger, that I suffered from PPD, I’d try to broach the subject whenever possible to try to get a new mother to tell me she had PPD. Other than a couple mothers who thought they had PPD when in actuality they probably only had postpartum blues (based on the description of their experiences), I couldn’t find a single woman who had actually experienced PPD. Or I just didn’t find anyone who would admit that she’d suffered terribly, too ashamed to admit to having such a negative experience at a time when everyone expects her to be happy. It wasn’t until after I started blogging that I realized there are a lot of women out there who are currently suffering from or who have suffered from PPD. Perhaps it’s the anonymity that comes with blogging under, in many cases, aliases that is encouraging more and more women to speak up about their experiences. People openly talking about their own experiences encourages others to do so as well. Whether it is via online media (blogs, discussion forums, PsychCentral, WebMD, etc.), newspapers, magazine articles, or public service announcements, we need more of this!
We should all develop a zero tolerance position when it comes to ignorance, and stigma, of mental health. Ignorance leads to:
We need to get to the point where the public acknowledges PPD for what it is: a real medical illness. The PPD mom deserves support, not criticism. She did not bring this on herself, nor is PPD a contrived illness. PPD doesn’t just arise out of a new mother’s failure to cope with her transition to motherhood, despite what some people who don’t know better would try to have you believe. It is not mind over matter, and she cannot just snap out of it whenever she feels like it. This should not be a negative reflection on her. PPD does not mean a woman is weaker or less of a mother than those who don’t have PPD. In fact, those who speak up about how they are truly feeling—unafraid of what others think—are brave women who are not afraid to take that first courageous step toward recovery because they realize their health is critical to the overall family’s health.
Instead of looking back with regret at my PPD experience, I look at it as an experience that has truly made me a more knowledgeable and stronger person. And that is what I hope other PPD survivors and those who are battling (and survived) depression will do. My hope is that more of you will speak up. The more that speak up about their experiences, the less ignorance and stigma about depression there will be.
Mental Illness Awareness Week is October 2-8, 2011. It is fitting, then, that two organizations I blog frequently about because I so respect their efforts to raise awareness of perinatal mood disorders–namely, Postpartum Support International and SPARKS Center–are hosting free teleconferences on Wednesday, October 5th.
POSTPARTUM SUPPORT INTERNATIONAL (PSI)
The first call I’d like to tell you about is Postpartum Support International’s Chat with an Expert, a free forum led by professionals providing information, which can help new moms suffering from a perinatal mood disorder feel less alone in their experience. New moms (or their loved ones) are invited to call in to connect with others parents, ask questions that will be answered by caring and informed experts, or just to listen to the facilitator–a professional member of PSI–discuss resources, symptoms, options, and general information. Click here for call-in instructions. You can talk from the privacy of your own home and there is no need to pre-register or give your name.
This Wednesday’s Chat for Women will be held at 12:00 pm EST and facilitated by my fellow PSI member and friend, Linda Klempner, PhD. Dr. Klempner is a licensed clinical psychologist and director of Women’s Health Counseling & Psychotherapy in Teaneck, N.J., and PSI Board Member.
Please spread the word about this wonderful AND FREE resource that can help combat stigma and ignorance on perinatal mood disorders!
SPARKS CENTER
The second opportunity I wanted to share with you is the 3rd of a series of teleconferences offered by SPARKS. The topic will be Attention New Moms! RELAX (yes, you can!). It will be led by Rus Devorah Darcy Wallen, ACSW, SPARKS Clinical Supervisor & Psychotherapist/Motivational Entertainer.
Here are the Call-In Details:
For more information on SPARKS and their mission to help mothers and their families, please visit their website or call 718-2-SPARKS (277-2757) for the hotline or other questions. This teleconference is completely confidential.
Please spread the word!
Posted in motherhood, mothers, perinatal depression, postpartum depression, PPD, women | Tags: ACSW, Linda Klempner, mental illness awareness week, perinatal mood disorders, PhD, postpartum depression, postpartum mood disorders, Postpartum Support International, PPD, Rus Devorah Darcy Wallen, SPARKS Center
One of the most exciting–and at the same time quite belated–discoveries of recent days–is the amazing effectiveness of Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s. Had I known then what I know from his appearance at the recent Postpartum Support International (PSI) conference in Seattle last weekend, my daughter’s colic–to which I’ve referred as the straw that broke the camel’s back–may not have sent me spiraling quickly into a sudden, and quite unexpected, trip down PPD lane.
Dr. Karp started his session with the PSI attendees with an introduction on how he began studying colic and newborn crying in the early 1980s. He mentions that all infants are born with an “off” switch for crying, but as the brain develops, it becomes less of a reflex and more of a behavioral thing.
Here are the 5 S’s:
1 – swaddling (with 42″ blanket) – to simulate the in utero experience for the baby. Click here for my previous post on swaddling (which happens to be extremely popular).
2 – side/stomach – again, to simulate the in utero experience (baby’s do not lie flat in the womb, but that’s what we expect them to do in their cribs).
3 – shushing (or white noise CD) – again, to simulate the in utero experience (Dr. Karp explains that shushing and the white noise CD generates sounds of a certain frequency, which reminds the baby of the sounds he/she used to hear while in the womb.
4- swinging/swaying (or rocking or gently bouncing) - similar to the YouTube video below
5 – sucking – one of the only instincts the baby is born with, other than swallowing (to survive, one must eat) and breathing. You can have the baby suck on mom’s breast, a bottle, a finger or a pacifier.
In the videos I saw of the 5 S’s in action, the baby instantly stops crying by step 3 (shushing). Some babies stop with the first S (maybe not necessarily if they are colicky), some stop by the 3rd S, some stop by the 4th S, and some need all 5 S’s. Every baby is different. I REALLY wish I had known about these steps. I would’ve tried them.
See the amazing process in action being performed by parents on YouTube. See it to believe it! It’s fascinating how the baby would be deliriously screaming like there’s no tomorrow to instantly (I kid you not) ceasing as soon as the 3rd step is carried out. As soon as that baby hears the shushing, their eyes grow big and round and crying instantly stops. Everytime I see that, I get the chills.
Before I saw the videos, I would’ve absolutely been skeptical. I have a copy of his Happiest Baby on the Block book. But did I read it? Yes. Well, actually, I speed-skimmed my way through relevant points I was looking for. But you can only get so much out of reading. You really need to see it being done by someone else and doing it yourself…which is why Dr. Karp created a DVD. He’s also developed a Happiest Baby educator program, in which his is used to teach others how to perform the 5 S’s, whether it be parents or infant educators to become certified to teach a Happiest Baby class.
I just can’t believe I didn’t know the 5 miraculous steps that can instantly elicit a newborn’s calming reflex. I believe that if all parents were to be trained this technique as part of every hospital’s childcare training, we should see a decrease in the number of moms suffering from postpartum depression. Heck, we may even see a decrease in divorces from stress suffered by parents…and on an even more somber note, a decrease in the number of babies shaken to death.
If you are a new parent and need help with soothing a baby that may or may not have colic, give the 5 S’s a try. Click here for a very informative article on Parentmap.com that I just stumbled across. And click here to read my previous post on colic. Click here for visit Dr. Karp’s website for more information.
Posted in fathers, mothers, postpartum depression, PPD | Tags: colic, colicky baby, Dr. Harvey Karp, fussy baby, shushing, swaddling, The 5 S's
On September 14th, SPARKS will be hosting a teleconference, led by SPARK’s Confidential Crisis Hotline Coordinator, Rivky Glicksman, on the topic of “Nurturing Yourself from Within.”
Here are the Call-In Details:
For more information on SPARKS and their mission to help mothers and their families, please visit their website or call 718-2-SPARKS (277-2757) for the hotline or other questions.
This teleconference is for women of all ages and stages. It is completely confidential. Please spread the word!
Posted in mental health, mothers, women | Tags: nurturing the woman within, self care, SPARKS Center, women's mental health
