Hush, Baby, Don’t You Cry

With my temporary reprieve from Facebook (which only lasted, er, 5 days in which I deactivated my account for the first time ever) and my angst over the election simmering down just a tad, as I watch folks dropping from the T administration…..first Flynn resigns and now it looks like KellyAnn is sidelined (I hope permanently), I think I have it in me now to come up with a fresh blog post!  It’s also great to hear about Simon & Schuster dropping Milo’s book deal.  For a while, the toxicity of this administration was making me hit an all-time low and I feared I was on the verge of depression for the first time since my postpartum depression (PPD) battle in 2005.

A couple of days ago, I saw a video pop up on my timeline of babies being calmed by this device called the Babocush that seems to have an incredibly sedating effect on babies who are colicky.  You see one baby after another crying hysterically, who after being gently strapped tummy down on this soft, diagonal and vibrating (to mimic being in mama’s moving belly) contraption, they stop crying.  I discuss the very interesting fourth trimester and why some babies, especially the ones who aren’t full-term babies and hence fully developed and with a higher birth weight, need that extra few more weeks developing here and here.

Here’s the video:


This amazing, calming effect instantly reminded me of Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5S’s I blogged about here.

And while we’re on the topic of calming crying babies, I’ve had the tab open to the article “Singing to Babies Calms Them Longer Than Talking” for a few months hoping that I would one day find the time and energy to blog about it.  This article is about–and I’m sure it’s not new news to many folks–the calming effect that singing has on babies.  I didn’t really like to sing or even hum Rockabye Baby or the Lullaby Song….what I did sing to my daughter nearly every day to get her to go to sleep was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  It was during those days of singing that song that I realized that the alphabet song had the same tune!  Singing my daughter to bed became a helpful bedtime ritual and for years, she automatically hummed whenever she was tired and ready for bed. Even today, we know she’s tired when she starts humming to herself.

I have to hand it to Dr. Karp and the Babocush inventer, Kerry Nevins, for coming up with these solutions to try to help struggling parents calm their colicky babies. People swear by their experiences with the Babocush, just as people swear by Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s (when you click on the link above to my previous post about that, you’ll see the video of many parents succeeding in calming their hysterical babies by way of the 5 S’s technique).  If only these solutions existed back in 2004 when I had my daughter! 😦

I’ve had mothers tell me that the machines shouldn’t replace holding and comforting babies.  But let me tell you something.  Until you’ve had to try to cope with a colicky baby for hours a day, every day for days/weeks, you won’t know how easier said than done that is. Human touch/holding doesn’t cut it in those cases. Nothing really does except for some of these sometimes life-saving (for mothers especially those who are very sick with a postpartum mood disorder) devices/techniques.  I know because colic happened to my baby when she was but a few weeks old. I tried every trick I could think of and that I read about, but to no avail. It was right after her colic went away just as suddenly as it started that my PPD journey began, and my life would never be the same again.  I did post previously about colic as a risk factor, among many other factors, that put me on that scary PPD path.  I also talk about it in more detail in Chapter 6 of my book.

A Sea of Pink Pussyhats at the Women’s March in Washington, DC

pussyhatI have a lot to say about the amazing experience I had with over 500,000 other women, men and children that participated in the Women’s March in DC last Saturday, January 21, 2017.  For now, I just wanted to post this one picture of the rally crowd (before the march started) outside of the Air & Space Museum.

airspace

I took this picture in the welcome space and tranquility of the museum (and after the welcome lady’s room break that I desperately sought for over an hour, struggling to get through the sea of people that were packed like sardines from the point I left my friends by the stage where the speakers were to the inside of the museum).  Several times, I imagined myself peeing myself and saying “Oh well, what choice did I have” and wishing I had not had the cup of coffee and sips of water up to that point in time. I also wished I had worn Depends.

In any event, it was an amazing experience, and I will write more later. This may not have had anything to do with postpartum depression, but I marched in solidarity with other women’s rights and women’s reproductive rights advocates, plus advocates of countless other groups….it wasn’t just a women’s march.  It became a march of the people for the people….a counter-movement, or #resistance of a nightmare regime that we pray will come to an end very shortly and not last the full four  years.

Temporary Break from Blogging

Happy New Year!

In case you were wondering whether I’m still blogging, yes, I am.  Truthfully, I didn’t even realize it’s been nearly TWO months since my last blog post.  Work has been killing me. Coincidentally, I just stumbled across this article a few minutes ago, which shows that working yourself to death, literally, is possible and obviously not worth it.

And time has been flying since most of my time and energies have been devoted to work. And anxieties related to the upcoming Presidency.  I promise to return to blogging shortly, when my energy for blogging isn’t so sapped from work.  This should be in a few more weeks. Knock on wood.

All the best to you in the new year!

Ivy

 

Steve Bannon’s Ignorance on Mental Health

 *** This post may be triggering if you are suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) and are sensitive to negative news events***

Here I am, posting again….wow, it’s now 3x in one month.  I haven’t posted with such frequency in a long time.  Guess you can say the state of this country is heavy on my mind.  I had said in my last post that I wasn’t going to talk politics since this site is dedicated to maternal mental health.  I was planning to stick to that guideline.  But then I hit a snag in my plans, thanks to a post I read about Bannon, the individual that Trump has selected to be his chief strategist.  Bannon made a comment about mental health that triggered me so much it had me flashing back to the trigger that set me off on a 6-year journey to publish a book about my postpartum depression (PPD) experience.  What trigger is that?  Well, if you’ve been following my blog for some time and/or you read my author bio, you would know that Tom Cruise and his There’s no such thing as a chemical imbalance comment triggered me back in 2005.  But the outcome of the trigger was good, as I have my blog and book as the end result. And yes, I do thank TC in my Acknowledgments.

There’s nothing good about this trigger related to Bannon, though.  TC is just an ignorant actor. But Bannon is an ignorant white supremacist who will have a role in the White House and will have far more negative consequences than TC ever had.  Bannon made a statement that the cure for mental illness is to spank your children more.  Excuse me?  What.The.Fuck. (oops, forgot to use $ or other symbol to fill in for the “u” for the very first time…..there’s a first time for everything, as they say).  I’ve truly had it with this whole election.  I’ve had it with all the hatred, misogyny and bigotry.  With the cheeto about to become our President and the alt right using him as a tool to ensure there are at least 4 years of revenge for the 8 years they had to suffer under President Obama, they have populated the leadership team with known racists (Bannon, Sessions, Flynn) and ensuring that racism becomes the new normal.  My passion for matters related to racism stems from my being bullied as a child for my race.  But I’m not going to digress here (even though anti-bullying is my other passion)……

Note: If you’re a Trump follower trolling this blog post and thinking I’m bullying Bannon or Trump, then think again.  Bullying is DIRECT harassment to them personally.  I’m exerting my 1st amendment right voicing my thoughts on my own blog.  Thank you very much.

<directing myself back on track….>

Bannon, just like I’ve been wishing to tell Tom Cruise in person, I wish I could tell YOU in person, if you’ve never been through mental illness yourself, then:
Shut the f*ck up.  
Shut.Your.Ignorant.Mouth.Up.  

And get educated about mental illness and how it REALLY works.  It’s not mind over matter, you dimwit.  Take a few minutes to read a blog post that may help you see the light when it comes to PPD.  There are plenty of articles from health organizations and blog posts on the Internet for you to learn the TRUTH behind mental illness.  But I’m pretty sure you won’t bother to spend a second to read anything because you think you know it all, don’t you.

Here’s where, if I could be granted 3 genie wishes, one of them would be to make all haters/bigots switch places with the ones being hated and the ones who keep insisting that mental illness is mind over matter to switch places with those who are battling a mental illness (e.g., depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, etc.).  You will learn in an instant that the logic you’ve been upholding is COMPLETELY WRONG.  See my past post on this titled “All It Takes Is One Day.”  One day to experience a mental illness yourself, firsthand……THAT’S ALL IT TAKES to snap you to reality and stop living in a world based on assumptions (that only make a$$es out of you).

And speaking of backwards, as women, we should not let ourselves be dragged backwards when it comes to our rights. We must stand up for ourselves and for each other.  We must work harder than ever to support organizations that will help us stay on track when it comes to mental health and women’s rights, especially during the time that women are most vulnerable–i.e., before, during and after childbirth.  Please join me in doing this!

If you’re a mom suffering from PPD right now, please be comforted in knowing that there are plenty of people in this country and around the world who care enough to make it a goal to help moms like you.  Please reach out to me, reach out to others with blogs, Facebook pages….we will help you get through this.

You WILL get through this.  I got through it stronger than ever before, and so can you!

Peace to you.

Honored to be Selected One of the Top Postpartum Depression Blogs of 2016 by Healthline

On November 4th, I was honored to be selected as one of the Top Postpartum Depression Blogs of 2016 by Healthline.  Thank you, Healthline, for this surprising recognition!

I haven’t blogged about it until now due to my trying to recover from the wind getting knocked out of me by Trump’s election. I’m going to keep my opinions to myself here, since this blog is not meant to be a sounding board for my political views.  Unfortunately, it is influencing me as a person and it is making me more determined than ever before to not lose sight of what’s important. What’s important is that we can’t let hate win, and women must band together and stand up for one another.

My mission to help other mothers will always be my mission. I had my daughter in 2004, suffered from postpartum depression in 2005, started this blog in 2009, published my book in 2011….and I am working on an initiative in New Jersey that I will happily share more about later.   I want to be more involved than I have been in the realm of maternal mental health.  I look forward to seeing what my future holds, but I won’t go about it passively.  I will continue in my blogging, helping mothers who reach out to me via my blog, and other PPD initiatives.  My hope is that we will continue the progress we’re making in maternal mental health advocacy and treatment (doulas, therapists, etc.).  In a world that has enough stressors as it is, we need to be there for one another.

For all those who have been following my blog, I truly hope it has helped you.  My blog has been a great satisfaction to me over the years, as it has enabled me to reach and help mothers around the world with what they are going through.

 

 

Scars to Your Beautiful: We Are All Beautiful in Our Own Way

I have been hearing “Scars to Your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara a lot when I’m in my car. And once I hear it, it keeps repeating in my head over and over and over all day long. I’ve been wanting to blog about this but the election side-tracked this until now.  I decided tonight that I had to blog about something positive and meaningful, what with all of the negativity and disappointment arising from the election results.

For the first time, I watched the video with the lyrics so I could get my arms around the words. And then I watched the official video that stars a diverse group of individuals of all different ages, both women and men, some with visible (a man with a disfigured ear, a woman with an abdominal scar) and some with invisible scars (depression?). There’s a girl with alopecia (the disease that prevents hair growth), a woman with cancer, a transgender model, and even the singer JoJo. And many more.

The first part of the song before the chorus comes in is all about society’s perception of beauty–face and body beautiful enough to be sculpted–that causes body image issues. Society, after all, over emphasizes the thin beauties that grace the covers of magazines to the point that individuals are blind to any other beauty that lies within an individual. This societal obsession of outward beauty causes deep pain and body image issues that can manifest as eating disorders, depression, cutting, etc.  These issues are not visible to the observer, but they are there.  A new mother having difficulty returning to her pre-pregnancy weight and figure (celebrities who brag about their quick returns to pre-pregnancy looks don’t help at all) may suffer body image issues that can lead to postpartum depression. Please click here and here for previous posts about this.

What Alessia wants to remind us all is that you don’t have to be beautiful on the outside to be beautiful.  You can have a beautiful, loving and generous heart which will glow from inside out, and the impression that gives people is more meaningful, more memorable, and more beautiful than the person whose beauty is only skin deep.

The chorus of the song repeats several times throughout the song (and this is the part that keeps repeating in my head over and over again…perhaps my mind is telling me something, I don’t know) reminding us that we’re beautiful just the way we are and we shouldn’t have to change anything. The world should change the way we see beauty in people.

You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

Alessia so sagely writes at the end of her video:

Often times, the world both directly and indirectly
tells us that we shouldn’t be happy with ourselves
if we don’t fit certain beauty standards.
Scars to your beautiful is a reminder that beauty isn’t only
one look, shape, size, or colour. It isn’t even always tangible.
It comes in an endless amount of forms
and we need to recognize that.”

Thank you, Alessia, for sharing your talent of music writing, your amazing voice, this video, the message contained in the words of this song and video, and your reminder that we are all beautiful in our own way(s).

But I will go beyond Alessia’s lyrics and say that just because someone is beautiful on the outside does not mean they are beautiful inside. Sometimes the darkness within–hate, jealousy, prejudice, etc.–breaks through that outward beauty and cancels it out, preventing others from seeing the beauty that is only skin deep.

Watch this video. Listen to the music. Never mind any negative thoughts that your mind may be telling you. Never mind any negative thoughts that others may be telling you. Forget the bullies on social media.  Forget the haters.

You are beautiful, and don’t you forget that.